I thought I was better. Until this last month. Everything always crushes you with every pound it has. Everyones fake faces and voices and fake friendships even fake family. I recently started cutting and taking sleeping pills again. Sleep is so much more comforting. Even a nightmare is more peaceful than having to talk to and look anyone in their plastic eyes. I’m back to sleeping 16 hour days and cutting in the shower.
Please listen to my music
Soundcloud.com/virtue_official
What to say? I came to this site out of desperation so I hope it is authentic. I am a 36 year old female who has experienced depression in cycles for as long as I can remember. Late last year I was given a provisional diagnosis of “Bipolar Type II”. After initially being prescribed Lamotrigine (caused skin rash so stopped) I went cold turkey slowly came off 200mg zoloft. Just recently I have been on fluoxetine for around six weeks and have been advised to take seroquel xr (as of yesterday) After a period of depression and mixed episodes I am now feeling a […]
I don’t want to die, at least I don’t think I do. I just want to make that clear.
2 years ago I was cutting. Often. Almost everyday. I was angry and sad and angry at being sad. I didn’t know how to respond to these feelings, I pushed my mum away and I cut. Not very deep, but frequently, and over and over again in the same place Each fresh cut over a healing one The sight of that blood it helped.
Then i moved in with my dad and he caught me. I got better. I stopped. Every now and them I admired those fading […]
I’ve tried everything, therapy, meds… nothing is working. I’m just so fucking tired. Plus I took a chance, and it totally backfired, leaving me feeling totally shitty. I go around pretending like I survived all that happened to me all those years ago, but it’s all a lie. I died back then… when they fucked my mind up so bad…..I wish they would have just killed me instead… then I wouldn’t have to.
ugh i need advise can you guys plz read this and tell me what i should do about it
I haven been here in sometime, mostly because i found and amazing guys who gives me a reason to live and fights for me at moments when i feel like giving up. But as you guys know it life cant be great for people like us things always get screwed up for us. My mom hates my boyfriend and has gone to the extend of telling me that i have to pick between her or my boyfriend and if i see my boyfriend again i would stop being her daughter and that i might as well just kill her because thats what im doing by […]
It feels so strange to write this.
I lead a lonely life. I have no friends. I am largely ignored by my family. In all my life I’ve had but one girlfriend, and that ended terribly. My experiences with other people have shown me that I am unlovable. I am a college student who is being forced to drop out due to financial issues. I have accumulated an enormous debt while in school. Unfortunately this means I have only a lifetime of loneliness and shitty jobs to pay off my debt to look forward to.
People tell me to wait and see if things get […]
I Pray That One Day God Can Forgive Me For All These Suicidle Thought’s In My Mind,
Because I feel like I’m okay for only a day at a time.
Because I can’t be happy without feeling guilty.
Because even when I’m seeking help, I don’t feel helped.
Because being in therapy makes me feel like I’m crazy.
Because being told everything is okay, only feels condescending.
Because today I carved the word horrible into my own thigh, and forgot one of the ‘r’s.
Because when I’m told ‘I love you’ I don’t feel it.
Because I stay in a relationship when all I feel is used.
Because what is important to me is not important to anyone else.
Because the simple things are the hardest.
Because I can’t sleep without crying.
Because I […]
First of all, I want to preface this post by saying that, while my problem may not come close to some of the situations you might face each day, the emotional distress, uselessness and inadequacy I feel is just as intense.
I go to a private school, where the tuition is more than many colleges. Everyone at my school is going to become a doctor or a lawyer or a fundamental physicist. I don’t want to be any of these. All i want to do is teach elementary school. Â If that means that i can’t drive an audi or mercedes like my parents, thats fine. Everyday […]
A storyÂ
These scars tell a story
A story of me
My life, my feelings, my history
Each scar has it’s own meaning
This one on my wrist was from the day you kissed me goodbye and left me to die
These down my arm are from the months of self harm ending with an attemptÂ
These circles on my arm are lighter burns from the zippo I carved with your name on it
These scratches here and there are from the times someone else was there with me but yet I felt aloneÂ
This one on my chest is from where I was stabbed, this ring around my wrist […]
Lifes ok. I got a job, I can drive, ive got family(somewhat) but yet at the end of the day I feel like a bag of SHIT! Every night O try to fight the urge to cut. Or burn or bruise or anything. But sometimes I slip. I dont want to live. I wish I could go back in time, and tell my mom not to fuck my dad, so I could have never been born. I wish there was an easy way out but honestly I don’t have the courage to kill myself. I want a painless way.. Then again life is painful, so […]
I’m 22 years old and In a relationship with a fantastic guy who loves me. I have relatively supportive parents and a huge network of friends. I just graduated college at the top of my class and I have “goals” for the future. I have an incredible summer planned: travel, adventure, Burning Man..
My life is nothing short of amazing.
Then why do I want to throw it all away? Why do I contemplate suicide everyday?
My feelings of inadequacy only grow the more I try to perfect myself. I try to let go of my eating disorder and allow myself to gain a […]
I’ve contemplated suicide for quite some time now. when things really started to get bad I told my psychiatrist and I was sent to the hospital for having a plan. I spent 5 weeks at one facility and still felt suicidal so I was sent to a long term facility for 2 weeks but I talked my way out of there.
I spent 2 weeks at home before I decided I was going to kill myself. I overdosed on medication and woke up in the hospital. I thought great here I go again. I spent 1 week in the hospital and 3 weeks in intensive […]
been crying so long i feel like i’m about to throw up… so may as well see if writing something about it helps.
i don’t know what to do. i don’t enjoy anything anymore. i do things but it’s really just to kill time until it’s time to go to sleep again. it’s been like this for as long as i can remember. maybe i’m not meant to enjoy life.
i should probably just kill myself and save everyone else the trouble of supporting my stupid ass… but i keep thinking about my parents, and how sad they would be if their only daughter committed suicide. they […]
Do you ever feel like your face is melting plastic?
Like everything about you is fake, a cheap foreign knockoff
of a genuine
huMan BeINg
the darkness of despair is my cloak of life,
No way known for me to escape this night,
Ready to die, i’ve prayed for it 1,000 times,
Surely this endless struggle can’t last,
Cohorts of madness laughing at my futile attempt,
never quite learned how to live, now hold me in contempt
the lord of lies owns our land,
Satan and his followers always close at hand.
flock of innocent ignorant ones
grazing in an eternal field of hate.
caldera of pain, agony and defeat
there is only nothing left in me
everything you believe you know is nothing
love is death
love is death […]
i have lost it i can tell. im not myself (not that i know who that is cuz i dont) i mean im not the way i used to be im not able to fake it i am so distant from life i dont wanna be here. i feel dangerous in a way i dont know what im ganna do next:/ my suicide attempt failed and turned into a cutting frenzy i guess i thought i could still make it, but still needed the self harm cuz my family has made it clear im a fuck-up a huge accident. being insulted by my own mom […]
What is a “life”, because this constant state of nothing in which I live in cannot surely be qualified as a life. Every single day I wake up and I wish to enter an eternal sleep. I am not quite sure whether or not I truly want to die, but I most certainly know that I do not want to live. If I could just enter a state of unconsciousness until I was ready to either make my decision, and off myself, or to continue living, then things would seem better. I have attempted suicide in the past, only to fail, or to have someone […]
So I’m currently at the ER. The waiting room was full but I found a quite place to sit at but the ***** ass wanna be police officer security guy. Told me I wasn’t allowed to sit there. So I’m out sitting in the hallway. Nurses walk by, lots of people some sick some not. This one guy walked by smelling a shit lot like weed.
Currently I’ve decided I’m no longer going to smoke weed. I thought it be easy, I’d stopped before. But its not cause right now I’d really like to get high. Or cut. But I also decided I shouldn’t do […]
ive just been completely drained of energy and lifeless lately. nothing wrongs happening, im not under any stress at all, everything just seems pointless and hopeless.