Anyone wanna talk? about anything and everything? forget about the bad things in life and just get to know someone new.

benn.bywater@hotmail.co.uk

email me or add me on msn.

I’m really really starting to loose all enthusiasm in my life. I have no social life anymore, work takes up all my time and I hate it, I feel so miserable there but getting another job is difficult because I have no transport. I have too much spare time and nothing to do with it, I have lost so many of my friends and the ones I have left don’t seem to really wanna hang out with me. I’m just getting frustrated beyond belief, not just life, but myself.

I just need some friends. Some people to hang out with. People to laugh and joke […]

ugh! i knew faking it would come back and bite me someday that day would be yesterday and now all summer. one day 20 minutes and a guy fell for me??? but not ME my fake me! now he wants to get to know “me” all summer? great. should i fool him and keep my fake personality going? or should i open up and tell him EVERYTHING? suicidal, depression, cutting, everything, he already knows the worst part..that im a whore! haha perfect. what am i supposed to do..?

I still have urges of death…..just wanting to end my miserable existence. But I continue on.

I caught chlamydia for the 3rd time….awesome right.

I am in a relationship with a guy who, well don’t give a fuck. Lies so much it’s just not even worth caring about anymore.

My mother still thinks I’m worthless. I’m still jobless. BUT I did leave home and have been staying with my older cousin in a one bedroom apt with about 10 other people.

I’m living the life.

i will never understand someone who can say someone else is judgmental and that person themselves are. My sister judges me a lot. She calls me a jerk, mean, emotionless everything, and i dont understand why. She doesn’t know what i went through everyday at school. Do i think im a jerk and all that? No! And if i am then i don’t mean to be. Everyone has their off days. it just pisses me the freak off when she says that stuff about me. I feel like she doesnt even know anything about me or my life, or the things i go through, and she has the nerve to sit […]

That awkward moment when that person you forgave betrays you in EXACTLY the same way again.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It’s actually funny because of how screwed over I am.

But don’t worry, retaliation is coming, *****. I let the last time slide because I must be a fucking saint, but this will not go unpunished.

MWAHAHAHAHAHA. You’ve yet to reckon with me, sweetheart.

Will someone please talk to me? I feel like doing it again and i just want someone to talk to.. Please? Anyone? I feel like im alone even thougj im right next to people.. I just want someone who will be considerate and not judge, even though the people next to me wont.. I just dont want to scare them ): i could just use some friends… ):

Well as the title States I’m new to this site. My names tj and I am cursed and bated by everyone and everything. If there is a God which I don’t believe there is I’m pretty sure he hares me as well. I lost my best friend, my girlfriend and pretty much everyone who’s ever been in my heart either by choice or not. No matter how hard I try to be a good person and nice to everyone it always goes horribly wrong. Most recently I found a girl who I began to fall in love with ironically with the same name as my […]

So, I get annoyed when people complain about how much their life sucks, but hey this what this website is for right?
Okay so i’ve been struggling with depression for a long time , around 5 years or so. I’m 19 now but even when I was 13 and 15 i would get in these slumps, especially when I was 15 since my entire school hated me and I just kept fucking up with my family and things.
I always felt like i was missing something.. Me and my family didn’t always get along but we do now. No one I know has ever known […]

Dez, it is time for education…

Heat Sensors, Cameras, etc, etc etc.. who is in charge of it
all? some retarded american female and male. useless bastards
that have sex all day long and poop. nothing divine nothing special.

Do not talk to me about heat sensors or any of that stuff.

i am the master of codes and hardware is simply not above
codes.

codes are below everything but it guides everything dez.
it is the quantum reality, at quantum reality, we spend pennies
to run tests dez, and tests suggest , this game is mine to win
yours to lose if you do not hire me into […]

It’s been 37 years next week.   37 years old, and never had anyone say they loved me.  My wife was the only relationship I had, and I got into it because I was fedup of not being in a relationship and she seemed to like somethings about me.

14 years later, I realise what I have is not love.  I want a separation and I have told her, yet my friends who I have always been there for are telling me I should “stick it out”, or that I am being obstinate.  Today I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, tell them how I feel, […]

Does anyone here believe depression/suicidal thoughts is something that can be fully controlled by medication and therapy or can even be cured, or is it something people just say yes to, to get pchycologists and psychiatrists off there back?

I go from being manic to being depressed. Sometimes a little of both at the same time.
I go from being on top of the world to just wanting to die.
This cycle never ends… Im not sure what it’s like to feel normal…
I wish I was normal, but at the same time I don’t.
I like being manic too much. That’s why I always stop taking the meds. I wish I could be manic forever…
It never ends…

I just need something. All night ive been trying to find it, but I just can seem too. I really need some help. Tonight….help.

Is there a way out? 

Things got worse and all I do is stay and wait 

Depression is a serious ilness,isn’t it? 

I know I should do something but I’m too weak and weird for this world 

How bad can it get?? 

I really don’t know what to do.

Get up and do something:  take a walk, ride a bike, do yoga, join a karate class, box, join a gym, join a pool, jump rope, lift weights, ride a skateboard, play with some kids, play baseball, volleyball, tennis, basketball, football, hockey, go skating.  Just get up, get out, and get moving!

If my mother could see herself when she is wasted,
If my father could see himself when he used to hurt me,
If my grandmother would realize that i don’t see the world like her,
If my brother could see how much i need him,
If my friends could put themselves in my shoes,
Maybe then they would understand.

A darkness has fell upon me,
One that has an insatiable hunger for my soul,
It’s been feeding on what happiness i have,
Draining the hope i have for it to stop,
Guiding me to unknown places,
With temptations of opportunities to feel better,

Food has lost it’s taste,
I have no appetite,
Sleep kills the high,
I had worked all day to reach,
(I feel sick…)

This darkness is consuming me,
Taking a firm grasp on my mind,
Making me more vulnerable,

The darkness,
it knaws at your thoughts,
injects you with it’s drug,
tears the flesh right from your bones,

After it has had it’s fun,
When […]

In the beginning there was nothing. it was all
so peaceful. it was void. and then a cockroach sized bug…

somehow it came into existence and start walking
inside void.

it was not evil. it was simply clueless and innocent.
it was a clueless innocent cockroach, but as it
walked…

every step it took, it somehow created sand particles
because in it’s mind or something, it believed it
was stepping on something as it was walking within
void.

it walked and walked and walked and it is still
walking to this date. new sand particles are being
created, more planets will form. and so on..

If you ever see that […]

sometimes when i get down its worse than other times, sometimes i cut more than other times sometimes i just go to my room and cry or scream until i get dizzy. but other times all i want is for somebody to notice that i’m down and give me a hug or tell me that they care about me. But nobody does. why dont they realise? nobody notices ever. i don’t want to tell anybody but if anyone i knew actually cared at all they might notice for once and ask me if i’m ok, nobody even asks, nobody understands me and i just want […]