I just realized that its weird that I am scared/sad to die. I don’t even like the world, Its not like a kid leaving a water park, death is like leaving the Dentist office
thanks for the replies earlier on guys
nice to hear from someone before it happens
paper notes are written now only one thing left to do
(xanax and helium bag) not sure if theyll let me say that but if not ill rewrite and just say thanks
I don’t understand what it is we’re supposed to write. If we’re encouraging each other to commit suicide or to keep living.
Whatever.
All I know is that I survived for a reason. I may have not found that reason quite yet, but I’m getting there.
Sometimes there’s this huge weight on my chest and I don’t even want to breathe, but other days it isn’t so hard. Some days I actually find myself smiling instead of forcing it on there. It’s a day-to-day thing. No one said it would be easy.
I hate that everyone thinks of me as  a burden or a lost […]
Feels a bit strange posting this note here.
I just need to say a few things that I cant leave in the note I’m leaving my mother.
Feel like other people are a different species (not litetrally of course Im not insane) See them talking, laughing empathising with each other.
I’m quite good at pretemding to do these things but it is exhausting to keep it up for any extended period of time.
Saw a TV ad before where this guy around my age was out playing soccer with his friends, hanging around laughing etc. but at the end of the dayhe went into his bathroom and peeled off […]
What is my greatest gift? What can I give you? What could I possibly say that would be comforting at this time? I don’t have anything left to give, nothing left to offer really. Clearly I can’t answer all of the questions you must have by now. And it’s sad, after all I’ve done to you in this short period of time, that I can’t do anything to make up for it. Just yesterday, you were probably going about your business, not even a thought towards me (I am not offended by this). But, perhaps it now feels like you won’t be able to do […]
I feel like I’m on the edge of a breakdown of some kind. And I’m terrified and I can’t tell anyone. I just sit around and sleep all day, too tired to do anything productive, but I’m still tired. My room’s a mess and I hate it, but I just can’t find the energy to tidy it properly. I keep trying to study for the exams I have coming up, but that just scares me and makes me cry uncontrollably for no apparent reason. And I think that sooner or later I will break apart and I don’t know what to do. My indifference to […]
I am alive today because I’m afraid that the day after I die might be the day the world becomes worth living for.
I am alive today because I can’t bear the thought of my parents crying for me.
I am alive today because my suicide would be a horrible lesson for my dozen+ nieces and nephews who look up to me.
I am alive today because I’m afraid that a suicide would send me straight to Hell for all of eternity.
I am alive today because I lack the courage to end it all.
But I wish I were dead. I wish my heart would just stop beating when […]
‘If you love me then go away forever’ As you wish, best friend forever… As you wish… Bye…
I once committed suicide by drinking a lo of pills but sadly I survived, then I accepted Jesus as saviour and went to live with my Pastor and family, but then his wife started treating me badly. Lost my faith now I’m suicidal again no-one understands what I’m goin through I feel so bitter and embattled got no energy or power left to fight this darkness anymore, I’m not up for this life anymore!! Where is GOD now!!!! I really need HIM to take away my darkness and this sadness!!! Can’t anymore…..really GOD please show me you out there I need deliverance right now!!!
My mood is low 24/7 and if its not its covered up by this fake cheezy smile that everyone parades around with. Why am I so low? Well im afraid that I’ll reach my happy state and lifes blocks will come crashing down and crush me. This is as low as I can go and I guess im staying here because nothing is worth the tears, isolation, lonliness…not even life. Theres no going any lower for me just like many of you im dead inside but continue breathing because our bodies tell us to, but every other part of our bodies tell us to […]
the teacher told us to bring somethings for are cooking class,but i accidently bought only one thing.my classmate scolled at me,and suddenly she whisper to her frieinds thinking i coudn’t hear it but she was wrong..I hear it all,,she told her friend that i was dumb and useless,,i wanted to cry but i force myself not to cry..
it started on the 2nd grade.heard gossips,but i didn’t mind at all cause i thought it woudn’t last.But it didn’t,,it turn out to be worst,cause even my friends betrade me..until all of them were gone..i experience the bullies..until i reached gr. 6th,,i feel lyk i want to kill myself,but i can’t,,so i jxt sat on my room thinking..sometimes i bump my head on the wall a 10 tyms and think y do ppol hate me..sometimes i feel alone,useless and a loser..It really hard,i tried to have new friends but they turn out to be the same,,if i lost a friend i would cry so […]
Right now I’m only living because I am alive.To not waste what I consider a magnificent oportunity to discover,feel and enjoy everything that moves your heart.Yet no matter how hard I look,no matter how hard I search,I can’t find the rope to guide me trough the maze.I feel so alone…Everyone around me seem so far away,like I was in a different dimension overlaping his one but I couldn’t be touched.I can’t find what moved my heart anymore.Everyday seem wasted.I think: “If I was going to do nothing again,I should have stayed in bed”…Worthless chatter “It’s finaly geting hot outside!”…”I love the cold…”.Everybody looks at me […]
i don’t know why i decided that writing everything down was a good idea. let along on the internet. i guess on here nobody knows who i am and its not somewhere where somebody from my end can find it.
i am a selfharmer/suicidal. have been since i was about 16. i am now nearly 20. it started when my bestfriend died in a car accident. i started self distructing a couple months later. i could not get over her death. then somebudy noticed, a teacher, he threatened to go to the school welfare co-ordinator unless i talked to him. so i chose to talk to […]
I am just so exhausted… So utterly exhausted. It’s never going to change .. I don’t think I will ever change I think I’m just always gunna be fucked up. I’m just so tired , so tired of it. I’m so tired of always being tired but not getting to sleep at night like I desperately need all day, so tired of no motivation to do anything . I’m tired of always being sick from lung infections to strep throat, always on a new medication , it never seems to stop. I’m tired of being moody, and freaking out over the littlest things than right […]
when i was 8, i was sexually abused. my mom was an alcoholic almost my whole life, my dad abanded me when i was so young, came back around in my life when i was 15 and choose his new family over his kids. my “best friends” put my secrets all overs facebook to use it against me when we got into a fight. we made up, but i havent fully forgaven them because i have horrible trust issues. im in love with my best friend, and we almost were together BUT of course she found someone better. my whole life ive been made fun of for […]
I have never been more serious in committing suicide. I want to move on. I want to get away from everything. I know I need help. I’m dying for help, literally. These past months have been bullshit for me. I’ve been depressed lately. I get frustrated easily, and wind up crying. Everytime. Even for the most silliest things. I have my own death planned out. I know how I’m going to do it, but honestly, I do not want to die. I just want the pain to stop, I want everything to stop, and if killing myself is the best way out for me, then […]
I am so angry with myself, I just want this to stop. I’m mad that I could be like this. I get really angry with my loved one I don’t even mean too … Than shortly after I’m crying about it cause I feel like such a fucking asshole . How can I get so angry with something so stupid, why is every little thing that he does or that happens have to get to me? I want it to change but I don’t know how to control it, and I try to tell him I have no control but he can’t understand because he […]
I can’t do it anymore. I’m just fucking tired. I’m tired of having to wake up everymorning and pretend that everything is okay. People say that in not alone, then why do I feel like I am alone? I just hate everything. People judge me and they don’t even know a thing about me or half the things I’ve been through. I just want to get away from everything…just away from the world. Months past and I still feel the same way. They say everything will get better soon, years has past and it’s gotten worse. The pain has gotten worse. I try putting a […]
Its the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you…
I’m so mentally clusterfucked and I dont know what to do or think right now.. the worst I’ve fallen in almost a year and I dont even know why. All I can do is bury my head and want to cry.. too bad my heart is too bruised to shed a tear like they used to.