Is the flow control for the helium tank necessary to carry out the exit method? I’ve seen the kit offered online for about $180, but, unfortunately, I can’t afford to pay that amount. If it is in fact required, are there other sources where the fitting can be purchased at a cheaper price?
I cried for the first time in almost 10 years. It was only like 2 or 3 drops, but for someone like me who thought his tear ducts dried out years ago, it was a real relief. I have been contemplating suicide for years now. But only recently have i reached my breaking point. I have no real friends, only acquaintances. Im a 20 year old virgin, who only had one girlfriend, but i never met her in person. Had my heart broken more times then i can count. I learn the hard way that nice guys finish last, because im hopelessly to nice for […]
i want to fit in,i want to be normal, i want to be happy naturally without faking this smile everyday, why is that so much to ask for? people took advantage of me wen i was nice, and stept all over me, now that i am heartless and cold, people dont want to be around me,why? because i dont have something that you could take advantage of anymore?i can never do anything right,whats wrong with me,
(A poem I wrote awhile ago)
I am not one to speak
when I am out of turn
I have been taught to listen
to listen and to learn
Fore if I were to speak my thoughts
Oh, the glares I would recieve
because I would speak the truth
not these lies you all believe
But I will stay silent
my mouth will remain closed
many will frown upon
the choices that I’ve chose
And I will walk away from words
and walk away from violence
the only thing that I will do
is live and die in silence
so im trying to get someone to kidnapp me,its sounds crazy but im immune to crazyness, my life is so fucked up, i dont have anyother way to run away,one guy is actually saying he would do it, he would actually kid napp me, im a slave anyways, i dont have family or shit, so why not?atleast im doing the world a favor, theres people who mean something in this world, and im risking to get hurt instead of them
I’m done. I haven’t felt this way since three months ago…the night I almost killed myself. (Blade wasn’t sharp enough for those of you who are wondering why I didn’t end up dieing)
I can’t feel this way anymore. Right now I feel no hope. I feel nothing but soooo much pain and hurt. I do feel bad for those who have tried to help…the minimum that there were. But really if they cared wouldn’t they want my misery ended? I’m so confused right now. If I thought I had no care for my personal self anymore well I was wrong cause I have even less […]
I am 15 years old. I know that the things in my life that have made so depressed and screwed up don’t really compare to other peoples’ problems, but I sincerely hope that NO ONE has to go through the pain that I have experienced and I hope that NO ONE ever feels the immense pain that I must live with everyday. And most importantly, I hope that NO ONE hates themselves as much as I hate myself.
My story is this:
I was born with a cleft pallet and lip. I have had 10 and counting surgeries, something no one should have to go through. Each […]
I can’t do this anymore…I’ve tried to stay happy but I just can’t. There’s no one I can turn to cause no one cares anymore, I need help I know I do but I can’t afford it and i’m too scared. I don’t want to self harm anymore, I don’t want to feel this pain, I have so many cuts and my arms are so sore everynight. I miss the old me, I miss being happy. I just want to smile but it’s always so much of an effort, I’m breaking apart right in front of the people who I thought had onced cared but […]
Everyday of my life is to please everyone else. But for every fake smile i put on my face to fool the stupid people i see, the more i die inside. I cant take it anymore. Being the “nice guy” never helped me with anything. I always have girls tell me “You’re way to nice”, and i ask “Is there something wrong with that?”, and they always say “Nah, i just wish i had a guy like you”. Well why dont they ever want me? They always say they want a nice guy, but then they go after the big douche bag that treats her […]
Phone rings
Don’t wanna pick it up
I’m so scared
I’m gonna say too much
I tip toe around your questions
Why you gotta dig so deep?
Tears fall
And the glasses break
Inside these walls
The floor boards shake
From outside
It’s alright
Long as you looking from fifty feet
I been trying trying
Hold my head up high
I been lying lying
Keeping it all inside
Trying not to trust you, yeah
Take another leaf, I’m broke yeah yeah?
I’m done, I give up
I don’t wanna pretend no more
That’s it, so what
I’ve lost a friend before
Gonna say it like it is
No […]
This really pains me to say this but…….I’m a pedophile or maybe a board-line/recovering pedophile if that exist. That’s just one of the reason I hate myself so much. To give u a quick run down of my disaster life it goes like this:
· I’m in my twenties
· Never had a girlfriend
· Super depress (obviously suicidal)
· Masturbate two-three times a day
· Small group of friends
· Tried therapy
· Tried medications
· Self help book
· Even hypnosis
· All & all basically a total definition of a loser
The worst part is that I’m entrusted with the care of a beautiful little girl who is the daughter of a close […]
i feel like only my body is here. because i am completely empty all the time. all i do is sit in my house, with a self expression of just nothing it doesnt look as if i am in the room. i wont sleep properly because i can’t, i can’t eat, i stopped taking my medication because i just can’t take it it doesn’t make me feel better. i’m going crazy at almost everything, all my friends have gone, i can’t even stick a person being in a room with me for half hour, i’m always completely alone and i’d rather just not be here. […]
I have been obsessed with someone for the last 4 years. All he did was lead me on and no matter what I couldn’t walk away. He is all I think about. I just want to see him, talk to him and be with him. He’s been ignoring my texts and he treats me like shit. I have tried hundreds of times to move on, I have gone through months without talking to him and throughout that time I broke down and refused to talk to anybody, I just stayed in bed listening to music and cried non stop. He always talks to me again […]
I envy most of you beucase you have god as a net for when you fall. I dont believe in god so my fall has no bottom I have been inside the lowest nihilism and lost the motivation to self harm I have felt like just laying still in my bed forever. I believe that hen i die I am gone forever Religion has actually been a large cause of my problems becuase It showed me that humanity is gulible and that they will murder over somthing thats core message is love and peace.
To me the only way to live is to say its my life and I will do what ever I fucking feel like doing. If I don’t want to go to school I dont go, If I feel like going outside at 3am I say fuck the curfew. I will no longer have anybody ever again tell me what to do and I will personally clash with anybody telling me otherwise. I dont give a fuck about societies norms and expectations and Fuck getting a job. I am obligated to absolutely fucking nothing at all becuase I didnt even choose to live this life. If […]
It never ends… It’s always so damn constant, I try to hide it with laughter and jokes but it gnaws away at my core, it’s a gap a never ending void and regardless of the amount of drugs or alcohol I consume its there. I’m tired of it I want to live but not like this, envy am I of those who can live so happily. Fulfilling their duties as one rots away wishing for an unknown something. Regardless of how much I would like to rid humanity of my self, my childrens laughter lifts the burden if only for one more day. I wonder […]
Today I was braver than I have been in a long time.
Last year I began starving and throwing up to lose weight. It became a major problem but I made sure no one told. It got better for a few weeks, then took a plunge in December. Coaches, teachers, and friends grew extremely concerned, but I tried making everyone believe I was fine. They saw through me and I started having routine visits to our guidance counselor to check up on me. I lied to her. She found out I lied. I was forced into counseling. At first, I thought I would try, but I […]
i dont think i cant do this anymore,i have to phisically confide my self inside my apartment or i will run, i will leave, and the cops will catch me, the only way people wont be able to control me anymore is if i kill myself,they will never let me off commitment,i will never get to move to california,i cant live like this for the rest of my life,all i think about is california, or getting recommited then taking sleeping pills and laying on the rail road tracks,and no the train driver would never know he hit me cause it would be dark outside,im going […]
the past few days have been a blur really… like its all just a dream.. tho i know its not.. my brain is all jumbled up.. i try to think and i freak out a bit becuz it just get worse.. ugh life.. i go to the doctors today for my seconds check up about my depression.. hopefully it goes good… i feel so lost.. so very very lost in this world… i have no idea where im going..
-RawrImaTurtle…..
I have my blog. But people on there know who i am.. so i need to vent. Here it goes.. I am done with this bull shit. I am trying so hard to stop the hurt.. You know what i honestly want to know when people want to stop my hurt. Because i am right back to were i was in the begging.. I LOVE CUTTTING!! do you fucking people here me.. I love it… so stop making me stop. If i want to stop i will stop!!!. if i want help i will get it.. yesterday i weighed my self i am 141… You […]