There’s a monster underneath my bed-
I cannot hop out like usually-
The sun has to shine-
Cause he only comes out at night.
When I want to sneak upstairs-
He grabs my legs-
Trying to pull me under-
So I grab my flashlight,
Scaring him back to his den.
I cannot sleep when it’s-
1 o’clock in the morning.
My eyes are wide open for him-
To take me as for his feast.
The blankets covers my fear-
That seem to glow of my body.
Nobody ever believe’s me,
When I scream out for help-
They think I’m calling out wolf.
No I do […]

Screw you
I hate you
You’re no good at anything
Everyone hates you
Why can’t you be more like your brothersistermother
I wish you were dead
They’d be better off without me
I wish I was dead

Sound familiar ?
Does someone in your life speak to you this way ?
Do you speak to yourself this way ?

This is the voice.

The voice in your own head that torments you when you walk into class, work, the mall, even home.
Especially home!

We all have it, our own personal zombie cheer leading squad that makes us feel like crap, tears us down, begs us to kill ourselves.

What […]

I am going to post a video. It’s one of the most powerful video’s I’ve ever seen. It made me cry.

Do me a favor and take 4 minutes and 24 seconds of your life to watch this. I promise it will make you feel different. I’m still not sure how I feel, but I feel kind of better now.

So if you don’t do anything else, do this. Please. 4 minutes 24 seconds and it can change you. In a good way. I promise.

I was diagnosed with bipolar depression my sophomore year of high school but I’ve been depressed since elementary school. I hid it well for years before anyone knew.The first time I cut was in fifth grade. I did it once until middle school, that’s when it started becoming more common. It was my little secret. Eventually my parents found out, I was hospitalized and that’s when the cycle continued. I was an inpatient twice and I was an outpatient once. I have moods so at times I seem perfectly fine and then something triggers it and it all comes back to me. Everything that seemed […]

Beyond every fatality-
Is ignoring that it has happened.
So you shove it off-
Back into your brain.
Knowing it wont come-
To ruin any special occasion.
And that you wont-
Hide into your room,
With tears of guilt.
Reminisce pictures-
And notes,
That have been passed down-
Of generations.
Now that the dirt-
Covers everything in charcoal-
The dust doesnt rub off,
So faguely-
The best of life.
The screams has-
Overfilled your words.
Now that sorry’s dont ever count-
Or talking to the miracles-
That would’ve been.
Just coloring the vivid-
Goals-
Into emptiness

So I just wanted to let you all know that it’s official. My shrink watches this website. I gave it to her and she found my posts. I think she reads this quite often, but I’m not sure.

That’s just letting you know that you someone who knows how to help is there. And I also wanted to let you know that the person writing this wants to listen and help.

That’s all. So that’s all I wanted to tell you. Oh, and Stephanie, if you’re reading this HIII!! :DD

have a good day and please smile….for me <3

My husband hates me.   He says I am so fat that he does not want to be with me anymore.  He tells me am useless and incompetent and the world would be better without me.  I just wish I was someone else.

Haven’t been able to eat lately
Nor have I slept deeply.
I tried to relax,
But I keep a tight grip.
And every night that I,
Talk to myself and wonder.
My friend puts drama on my hands-
That I have to care for.
I love helping out-
Sadly my body is weak in bane.
Sometimes I look at childrens eyes-
Making me smile cause I was once-
Wild as the wind.
Until I had to grow up….
So now there’s responsibility-
Of surviving the twisted reality.
Every fun is spoiled.
No wonder my brain is off-
Ever since I came back to this-
Unfitting […]

Let me stoop in my own light-

But drain all my weakness,

Or tears I have shreaded,

That have appeared on my face.

Ability of strength of belief-

Forgiveness of all the wrongs,

I seemed to misplace.

Nor has the sham of will-

The vines of poison that crawl up-

My bony spine,

Always leaves memories of scars,

That were transplanted into-

My skin of bane.

im thankful for the things that i have in my life. i dont want to sound ungrateful. but sometimes i would rather be in Heaven with God, then on earth. im known as the quiet girl, innocent girl, push over. and even though i wish this wasnt true, it is. im 17 bout to graduate from high school. i havent even had a real boyfriend before. and ive never told anyone this but not even a first kiss. i hate myself. even my younger sister (16) has had a boyfriend before and even a first kiss. i try to keep faith. sometimes i think that […]

Some years ago I was suffering from a deep depression, and one weekend I was all set to go end my life. Then, out of nowhere, an sms ticked in from a friend who asked me if I had any plans for the evening, and if I’d like to join him for a movie or two. I picked up the phone and texted him back to say OK.
I have never told him what difference he might have made, and I guess I never will. But it is quite comforting to know, that although any effort to go on may seem to be worthless, then […]

Some say that the proliferation of social networks is killing people’s interpersonal relationships.  I think it is taking them to another dimension.  I’ve never met any of you in person but I find myself worried abo many of you when I’m offline.  Hoping you are ok, hoping uyou are getting better, and for those who are decided hoping their end is painless and peaceful.

So many people here could be saved by the people in their lives just listening and being there. For someone to just hug them, support them, and justactually care.  I wish I could have an island and just bring all of you […]

He hates me, totally. He told me I was holding him down, that I am a drama queen, I even remember he wished I was dead. I loved him, I tell him that everyday but he never reassured me that he feels the same way. I want to die and I am still crying right now ( maybe I am a drama queen). I want to die, I am afraid to die in a painful way. maybe I am not ready, but who knows? One more day…

Hello guys

Heres an update on the last few weeks for those you want to Know. 🙂

So things have been going great with Jen, this is the first night we have spent apart in 2 weeks, Because we really hit it off, seriously she is perfect for me. Smart, funny and Beautiful. BUT

Yesterday she told me she has a seven year old son…..

I was truly shellshocked, i was speachless because i was freaking out man, i am not ready to be a dad, i have allways wanted children but he is not my child and he will never see me as his dad no matter how […]

same old …same old…cant seem to get out of the

same thing..

I am so tired of the same thing….I carry everyones

weight..so very tired. I am sick of hurting..my body hurts

and my soul hurts..I am such a coward..cant do it.

I really really can’t be bothered any more. I really do hate my life. Nothing EVER good happens to me.  I am always thinking of killing myself. How, when and where to kill myself constantly going through my head. People always say “It’s going to get better”. BULLSHIT. Things just get worse and worse. Something bad happens everyday. I’ve just had it. I just need to kill myself but I need to get it right. I have read up on so much of this and I still don’t know how to do it. I’m leaning towards hanging myself but have nowhere to do it.  If I […]

Hey, if anyone wants to talk and someone to listen, kenzie.fallenangel33@gmail.com is my email, feel free to just tell me whats going on, I can’t promise to make things better, but sometimes just talking and knowing that someone is there to listen helps a little bit. I know I wish I had that. And I promise, I would never do anything mean.

i tried to hang myself on friday….in my office bathroom and survived again…..something flashed loooked like my mum’s face, and i took the rope offf my neck…..necks pretty injured but nothing major……fuck

i have been in two very serious relationships…both guys dumped me….1st one …left me to go back to his ex….2nd one was too weak to accept he loved me infront of the world…..or may be he just used me for sex…..to  dump his shitload of sperm into me…….

the point is …i just wanna die…..i don see anyway to end this pain…..right now i am diaganosed with major depression and nervous breakdown,,, m on prozac […]

Note: This could be directed towards any one of you. It was one of you.

What foolishness to dissipate the life of a mind so gifted.

I am alive. Still within my grasp I hold liberty to arrange minds – change hearts – seduce emotion – deduce exposition.

I could conquer my enemies and shelter my allies. I would move mountains if I willed it.

You are now powerless; trapped in time as barely a whimper in the memory of those who were the bane for your tragedy.

We all deserve a second chance at life.
Was fate’s forgiveness bestowed upon you or was her mercy forsaken?
If offered her […]

I’m writing this before I go to my next class but recently my life has gotten no better. I can’t forget about him. He won’t forget my apology and I’m constantly tortured with messages from him about how he’s going to kill himself. I’m scared and everytime I think of it I feel sick. I have an appointment with psychiatrist next Wednesday so I’m just trying to hold on till then. Last night, I swallowed 7 pills before deciding I didn’t want to die, and the fact that I didn’t have enough to take to make me die anyway. What’s so ironic right now though […]