All the celebrity backpats in the world are meaningless when your own mother says “I would rather you die than be a dyke” and means it. School was bad enough, everyone knowing somehow that I was a lesbian before I had romantic feelings for any human at all.  I confessed the feelings that make me feel so awful to someone because they said they were the same way…only to find out she was straight and flirting with me was  just a game. She doesn’t get why my feelings got hurt. “it’s like you fell in love with me or something”.  She’s not the reason I’m doing […]
it all started when i was in 5th grade. everything was fine until this older student transferred to our school. my friends and i started quarreling but most of the time, it was me against them. i don’t know what was in me that they liked to argue with me. there was never a month that we won’t argue. and whenever i’m not friends with them, they’d bully me, inside or outside the school. this made me seek for attention from this older student so  they won’t do it to me anymore(cause she kinda have control to my friends. she decides for the rest of the […]
Well here I am getting down to the last few days, and I still have a ton of things to take care of, like cleaning out my house and putting labels on everything that I leave behind. I am almost caught up on notes and messages to everyone plus writing instructions for my dead body.
In spite of it all, and everything I still have to do, I am spending way too much time in bed asleep. Is anyone else in the same boat as me? I wish that I could kick my own ass, but I keep promising myself I will do that tomorrow.
Bed and […]
First off, I’d just like to point out that I never… ever imagined this would happen to me. It seemed like one of those things that the evil side of the world exhibited. A terrible thing like murder, torture, kidnapping, theft… Something that should’ve persistently steered clear of me, as it succeeded to for a good 15 years. I’m not saying I’m perfect, or lucky, or better than those who haven’t been steered clear of those sorts of things for nearly as long as myself. Only, the thought of things suddenly changing like it has because of something along the lines of “those things that the evil side of the […]
If I was to disappear would anyone really notice? Would anyone really care? I don’t think so….Sometimes I wish I could just disappear into thin air….would that really be that bad? To just disappear all to gether one day like I never existed at all? Should I or should I not?
Yesterday:
MY BOYFRIENDS BACK!!! (read my other posts) he had to sell his iPod but his friend gave it back to him and he said he just won’t tell his parents i get to talk to him tonight if i stay up till 11:30pm.. cuz thats the time he gets home from work.. I’ve missed him to much!
i hope i don’t fall sleep early tonight!!! any tips on how to stay awake????
Thanks,
Morgan
Today:
I’m kinda having a bad day… last night i stayed up till 1:30am and he never talked to me… i waited….
this morning i had to go to school for an hour becuz […]
So, I’ve posted some time ago on here. And in those – I think – two years, nothing has changed. I still find myself in the same mess, even weaker than before. I want to list everything that plagues me because I want someone to read my sob story. Because I am no good human and thus want to be pitied. Just for once, and for real.
I’d love to be free from the clutches of this fucking hell I live in. Compared to others, I live a nice life. Maybe.
My dad killed himself a good four years ago. I didn’t understand it back then, and […]
I know most of the people on this site have problems with depression.
I just wanted to share something I’ve been trying that really seems to help.
Just take a little time for yourself and act like a child. Watch cartoons, eat junk food, whatever you want.
Being an adult is stressful. Being a child and having adulthood thrust upon you at an early age can be even worse. So every once in a while, just let that inner-child loose. It isn’t a permanant fix, but maybe it can bring you just a little bit of happiness for a brief time.
Me? I just sit back and watch a couple episodes […]
I want to talk about my feelings, but nobody around me seems capable of handling them, and those that do just want to put me in the hospital. I don’t know, maybe I should go back into the hospital for a few days. Before, I just was bent on hanging myself, it was a dissociative wave where little logic ever intervened. Now, I don’t think I want to do it, but when I get really down I’m not so sure. Yesterday I tried it again. Not serious, just hanging around (arg…) with my ligature. I did hang myself with it a couple of times, but […]
If anyone has been diagnosed with this and feels comfortable with discussing it with me. That would be really appreciated.
Thank you.
Was just wondering if anyone else had similar feelings or experiences to me.
Sometimes i seem more vulnerable to depression and feelings of hopelessness straight after i’ve had a brief moment of happiness.
If i have had a brilliant day, looking on the positive side and am rather happy with my life. Well, i find that this feeling is extremely brief and always leads to me feeling deeply depressed and pessimistic.
It’s almost like i am punishing myself for the way i just felt. Only subconciously.
Maybe it is the chemicals in my brain, an imbalance that must release too much Dopamine, affecting my Serotonin levels.
Has anyone else ever experienced […]
I had no idea there was a place like this before. I’m glad I found it though, because I’ve been feeling pretty down recently. I’ve thought of killing myself several times in the past and I always talked myself out of it every time. I think the first time I really contemplated suicide was in middle school (maybe 7th or 8th grade). I go through bouts of deep sadness every once in a while and my brain has never ceased to amaze me by thinking about suicide each time I clam up and feel down.
I’ve never talked about these feelings with anyone and I even […]
I want to crawl up like a ball in a deep corner where I am not bothered and where it is peaceful and from all the torment and hate I get. My whole life has been nothing, but a failure. All of my friends have been going against me and hating on me. I have seen one of my friends talking dirt behind my back and this isn’t the first time. I have been bullied for most of my life already. I am starting to think about suicide and that my life will never get better. My school social and academically is failing. My mother […]
Is this how it feels to have a nervous break down? I can’t be having one right? I mean, can a person who is having a nervous breakdown just sit down and write? I don’t think that’s possible. Maybe… I don’t know. I got more questions than answers. It’s been like that for the past week. I don’t think I can handle going through the “withdrawals†again. No, I don’t do drugs and I don’t judge those who do. See, I have panic attacks and the really bad ones, I call “withdrawalsâ€. They sure as hell feel like it. I go a while without sleeping, […]
Not my first time here. I’ve created an account on here before, just forgot the username, pw, and email. :/ I doubt anyone care about that, cux I was barely active on here. I only submitted one post, and that was it. It was around this time when I’ve these thoughts.
What’s up with my life? Like majority of you on here, I’m just unsure anymore. Lot’s been going on. Mom’s diabete, hypertension, and kidney stone. Sister has hypertension. Dad has hypertension. Two brothers have hypertension, and possibly diabete as well. And here I am, well, fine. What the FUCK!!
I’m currently in college, majoring in pre-nursing. […]
Since the beginning of middle school (about seven years ago) I’ve had the worst circadian rythm. In fact… I can’t even dignify it by calling it a rythm. The word rythm implies that there is some sort of underlying pattern. So, for the purpose of this post, I will refer to it as my sleeping shedule When people ask about my sleeping schedule, I usually just tell them that I am an insomniac. Which is true… most of the time. I find it incredibly hard to get to sleep most nights. However, I don’t think that is the proper label. True most nights, I will get maybe two or […]
I won’t lose, I’ve been sitting back, defeating myself for quite some time now. This battle has been ongoing for as long as I can remember. I’m not going to lose. No, I can’t lose. I won’t suffer any longer. I’m coming back down to reality some. I hope it’s for real this time. I’m hitting back. I’m regaining my composure. Fuck this, I’m going to come back better than ever. I’ve got nothing to lose and everything to prove. My mind will be free. I feel like I’m comin back. Let’s pray it stays this way. I’m a fighter dammit.
I’ve known since childhood that it would come. Why wait around? Sciatica now. What next?
What a joke. I actually thought my life would get better. Ha! The first time I really considered suicide was in 8th grade but, I talked myself out of it because I thought surely this was only a rough patch and things would get better eventually. The second time I seriously considered suicide was in 10th grade but I thought that maybe once I got out of high school, things would actually begin to improve. Maybe when I reached college I would finally start having the life I was supposed to have with friends that cared, guys actually liking me, independence, goals…Well, freshman year of […]
what should i post about? this is my first post. i’ve got a couple of saved drafts where i started writing about myself and my situation and things i have been going through but i’ve put them aside for now, probably won’t go back to them. Â i feel ok, almost good at the moment. whenever i read a post from people on this website where they talk about their immediate feelings without talking about whats going on with themselves in the big picture, without talking about the whys and whats and hows, i sometimes dont like it because i want to know about those very […]