I won’t lose, I’ve been sitting back, defeating myself for quite some time now. This battle has been ongoing for as long as I can remember. I’m not going to lose. No, I can’t lose. I won’t suffer any longer. I’m coming back down to reality some. I hope it’s for real this time. I’m hitting back. I’m regaining my composure. Fuck this, I’m going to come back better than ever. I’ve got nothing to lose and everything to prove. My mind will be free. I feel like I’m comin back. Let’s pray it stays this way. I’m a fighter dammit.
I’ve known since childhood that it would come. Why wait around? Sciatica now. What next?
What a joke. I actually thought my life would get better. Ha! The first time I really considered suicide was in 8th grade but, I talked myself out of it because I thought surely this was only a rough patch and things would get better eventually. The second time I seriously considered suicide was in 10th grade but I thought that maybe once I got out of high school, things would actually begin to improve. Maybe when I reached college I would finally start having the life I was supposed to have with friends that cared, guys actually liking me, independence, goals…Well, freshman year of […]
what should i post about? this is my first post. i’ve got a couple of saved drafts where i started writing about myself and my situation and things i have been going through but i’ve put them aside for now, probably won’t go back to them. Â i feel ok, almost good at the moment. whenever i read a post from people on this website where they talk about their immediate feelings without talking about whats going on with themselves in the big picture, without talking about the whys and whats and hows, i sometimes dont like it because i want to know about those very […]
To A Breathless Oblivion by The Black Dahlia Murder
the chair’s been kicked a rope tied to the rafters
blue faced and broken necked I sigh
relieving my vision from the sick mocking stare
of that hated sun burning the sky
slumped like a headless scarecrow
cold and limp against the wall
blood paints a pattern of rorschach’s design
thawing the winter that burdens this heart
shit stained and shameful
an exit in disgrace
not a splash but just a ripple left
I end this life in vain
in vain
in the dead of the darkness I breach the still lake
toward the reflection of […]
that I was never born. That I never had a chance to ruin the lives of the people around me. I wish I wasn’t here.
I don’t know does it even count I mean well I guess I’ll ask you guys.ok so the past few days I’ve been poring alcohol over any cuts or scraps on my body just to feel the pain and I just wanna know is that self harm to? Whatever well I think the actual cutting is gonna start up again I don’t know :/ but yea I porpusly let any scraps/cuts get infected and in the end of the day I just poor rubbing alcohol or poroxide on them. I wanna know does it count as self harm to?
I thought i was doing so great. Love is my poison. Confusion is like a knife. The fact i only have guy friends and every girl i know hates me when i’ve done nothing to them.. it hurts. you feel alone. my first love has become a monster. I just recovered from self harm and suicide a month ago and now im falling again. i want to be strong but i feel like i want to take something burning hot to my arm. possibly attempt to bleed again. i feel like everyone just thinks im completely annoying. i let the simplest things get to me […]
Farmerstrong13: are you a preacher? Are you an Evangelical born again Christian? It seems rather presumptuous to promise someone, that with God’s help things will get better or that God will even help them. The key to recovery and good mental health is not found in a church but in a persons’ ability to grasp reality and run with it, and even accept it. Reality is not in a church pew or in a preacher’s sermon. Most of the time people can find a way out of their distress by logic, good friends, a change of location and a different point of view…or even antidepressants.
You […]
A few weeks ago, my mother was driving me home from school. She just randomly asked me if I belive that suicide is wrong. Of course I realised that she remembers about the time when I said I would kill myself. She’s asked me this before but I just pretended that I didn’t hear her and I thought thst she had forgotten completely about it, but I guess not. So I told her about the time when out RELIGION teacher told us that nobody knows if you go to hell after commiting suicide. But me mother just completely refused to believe that suicide […]
For anyone who read my earlier post about not getting into college, I got accepted because it was a mistake at their end. I thought my life had new meaning and purpose…… Oh how wrong I was. I haven’t felt this depressed and suicidal for months. I am so paranoid around all the other students. I don’t fit in. I probably could if I really tried but I’m a wimp. I’ve simply had enough. I’ve tried so many things to turn my life around and they all end up the same. I was extremely close to stepping in front of a car today but I […]
i have had many suicide attempts, and i will share them all eventually, but this is one of the more recent ones, and it is the one that disturbs me most..
i had been feeling bad for a while, things were getting on top of me, i was living with my boyfriend in a really cramped flat, it was summer, and a few things happened, i had a minor fit of paranoia when my friend tripped me up at the pub he didnt mean to, yet i saw it as he did, i was feeling abandoned, and lonely, i didnt want to be with my boyfriend […]
My background:
I had started wondering about death and would habitually wish for death and say ‘never mind’ 3 times afterward. This started when I was around 10, until one day I stopped saying ‘never mind’ and decided to see what would happen.
My life has been met with intense anger, anger that caused me to once whip my mother with a PC controller wire after I smashed it off the banister when I was around 16.
I started cutting myself on Valentine’s Day 2007, senior year. I started under the notion that everyone would leave me once we graduated. They all did except one. My last friend […]
it’s non-existence. I would choose non-existence over every aspect of my life; I really don’t care all that much about it. I could do without living and perception.
So you either wait for your body to run out of steam, some freak accident, or take matters into your own hands. I wanna go to heaven, and for me heaven would be absolute nothing. I want everything that I am to be gone, every trace of consciousness, kaput, finito. But to kill myself is so pro-active; so much work. Ugh, wait, do it myself or hope for an accident. Is this all we’re doing here, going […]
So after I made that post, I had trouble actually falling asleep, so I watched an episode or two of Futurama. It`s a pretty good show, I would recommend it. Anyway after I finally eventually got to sleep, I had a pretty fucked up dream. Though people dream every night, I (they) rarely remember my (their) dreams. I guess this was one that stuck out.
The first thing I remember was going into this smaller type of sort of `home` restaurant (I guess..) and asking for a job. This woman (Maybe..) in her 50`s ish told me that there was already a dishwasher and didn`t need […]
I Produced This video for someone i lost almost 6 years ago to suicide. It holds a strong message that unfortunately needs to be heard! My only ONE hope is that it reaches ONE person who needs it! Please watch this video, re-post it, and like it, to help get the word out. We only have ONE life, so be the ONE who helps someone else from taking his or hers away!
ppl its been so long since iv actually written something.
nothing has really changed in my life except dat it gets worse and i keep on sinking deeper and deeper into this dark hole, im so tired of all these emotions. Iv been going to church alot lately but when i get home i go back to the same old darkness and neverending pain. i cant stand this pain no more. i have nothing left to lose and its not like anyone really cares or truly loves me and it will be best if i just left dis world.
i thought it will get better with time […]
Can anyone tell me why some posts have tags and others do not? Is there something that you have to do or include, to generate tags in the tag column?
half of my posts have tags and the other half does not and I am doing nothing different…I think.
DR
Looking to the future trying to believe,
there is a reason to live.
Struggling to grasp the happiness in life,
when all I feel is the emptiness inside.
Searching or answers late at night,
hoping that my help will be at sight.
I am depressed, has been for a while now. Wrote this poem about 2 years ago…
I don’t know, I guess I need some sort of help, don’t know what exactly.
I… I am losing it.
The emptiness will claim me eventually… It is simply a matter of time.
And she was, like a blade of ice, Like a lonely road, clear as day, alive, Always sharp and cold, always beautiful, I am such a fool….
ok, so…. I’m depressed. Most of you know that….. I know how you people feel because I’m the same.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, I want to believe that too so I know how hard it is….
If you want to vent or just talk, then email me. I like finding out about other peoples stories and situations….
So email me ?
EmoQueen221@live.co.uk
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