I’m all lived out

I can’t take this shit anymore! I just can’t take it. Life is so fucking stupid, including the people in it. Well mine that is. My moms boyfriend can rot in hell and I’ll laugh at his screams. He deserves it. Heh…maybe I do too. Who knows? Who cares? I have so many questions and no one will answer them. No one will even bother to listen to me. There’s a reason I’ve kept to myself for so long. Because no one would give a fuck about what I needed to say. So, hey, it’s what they get. I won’t talk. They don’t need me […]

Lets do this once
Lets do this quick
As i grab a knife
and drive it
against my neck.
Lets do this once
Lets do this quick
no more tears
no more words.
Lets end this now
without regrets.
At least now
i have no threats.
Lets do this once
Lets do this quick
as the pressure of its teeth
glades deeply into mine neck.
It may hurt now
but soon it will all come down.
Tears maybe escaping,
but i know i will be happy
Lets do this once
Lets do this quick
Tonight is the night
I had kill myself.

yesterday was a great day. downtown with everyone for at least eight hours. doing nothing but talking and walking. enjoying the day. but it all changes when night falls. cause i know i have to go home soon. where ill be alone. in a house of people who call themselves my family. walking through the door walking up the stairs to my cold empty room. making me wish id never gone out in the first place. thats not fair. i cant help but to cryas i lay inert in the shower as the scorching hot water burns my skin turning it almost the same hue […]

In my personal opinion Sharlotte Hydorn was raided by the FBI because she is threatening the business of big medical companies.

http://www.adamisrael.com/blog/2011/06/01/dying-is-not-a-crime

Dying is a business. First of all, think how much MONEY medical companies make with antidepressants or with drugs for Alazhaimer and ALS.

There really is no cure for ALS or Alzhaimler, but thats not the point. The doctors job is to always subscribe some overexpensive medicine that will “keep the disease from spreading” One man who has meen on such medication is Stephen Hawkins;

http://www.resonancepub.com/shawking.htm

Does he look very healty to you?

Ok! The medicine has stopped the disease from spreadng and him from dying. Still, not too […]

I don’t like me.  Nobody likes me.  I don’t want to be Randall anymore.  I want to be someone else.  Someone happy, someone loved, someone who isn’t so damn ugly.

Like most, those reading this are certain to regard me with immeasurable contempt and hatred. Most will not only desire my end, they will openly encourage, even demand it be brought about without delay. I am not surprised. I, too, feel this about those who carry the same label. I am a convicted sex offender. I loathe those who commit such offenses against humanity. I also know the burdens and pressures of being identified and regarded as such. Guilty? Deserving of this branding? Well, I’ve discovered neither matters. Cops believed in my guilt. The prosecutor believed likewise, and so did the jury. The judge must […]

I can’t feel myself anymore.

My body is shaking and I’m freezing.

 I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t care.

I can barely type.

I don’t care what happens right now.

I could see the world end and laugh.

I feel so high,

My body is numb and my head is spinning,

The world is light and fun,

I can barely see now.

I’ve lost all control of my body.

And I love it.

There are moments like these when I feel like I can’t keep going.  Moments when I sit alone and think think think about what I could have been or could be.  Moments when the loneliness consumes my being and I am no longer hopeful.

In these moments all my hope shatters.  All I want, all I need is for someone to care, to really, truly care.   I need for someone to be here with me, keeping me alive, helping me survive in all this hopelessness.

Is this selfish of me?

We do not know what will happen when we die until we die. There is no way of knowing ever!!! we cannot even come close, all we can do is hypothesise about it
There are no quick and painless ways to die. Unless you have access to some pretty potent chemicals like potassium cyanide you can forget about it. Other ways like, Falling from a height (which is one of the ways I want to go) may seem like a quick death and for all I know it could be? but certainly not painless. The body does not just switch off when we die it needs to […]

The best moment of my life was when I say my result card and I passed. I told my parents and friends and class fellows and nobody would believe it because I was very weak in studies. I had that smile on my face which I never experienced again in my life ever after.

What was the best moment in your life? Please share.

I’ve given up.  I can’t control myself or anything I do. There’s a monster inside me that I’m afraid is ready to come out. Maybe that’s a reason I’ve been feeling completly dead. I’m afraid…I’ll admit it now, before it’s too late. I’m afraid that the monster inside me will overtake me and I won’t be able to control him. He’ll kill everyone. I’ve been holding him off for so long… I won’t allow myself to go close to anyone. I fear I’ll hurt them, physically or mentally. I don’t want to hurt them…but I feel like the monster will take over again. I’ve seen what […]

Is there anyone here thats suicidal because of wrong/inncorrect actions that wish to avoid them because of shame and guilt ?

Someone that really wants to live yet there is no way around these consequence’s.

Is anyone facing 25 to life in prison ?

What would you do, even if it were the minimum of 25 yrs ?

“I don’t have any dream left to dream” ~ “Dolly”, Island of Misfit Toys, Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer

No Dreams Left to Dream

 

I always felt very alone and I never wanted to talk about it. Last autumn I tried to tell my boyfriend, but I don´t think he believed me. And even if he did, we never mentioned it again. All he suggested was talking to a psychiatrist but I don´t want to. I don´t think it would help. He can´t tell me things I don´t already know and he can´t teach me to stop remembering. And speaking means admitting. Writing is more impersonal. I just don´t want to go through all this again.

I just want a second chance, but I´m not so sure I could master it. […]

Have you ever had that ‘out-of-body’ expierence? For a while I’ve felt like that. It’s almost as if I’m really dying. Lately, I’ve been feeling so numb.  My birthday passed and it was just like another day. It felt wrong, going around telling everyone it was my birthday. As if I were lying… Then a few other holidays flew by and I simply forgot about them. I got my lip peirced and I didn’t even feel the needle. Much more went by and I just feel like my life is falling and I just can’t catch it. I can’t think straight, let alone write this. I feel […]

Masks aren’t just for parties, they’re for everyday use. Masks on everyone. Family, friends, neighbors, preachers, wife/husbands, significant others. These masks are for protection. They are neither bad nor good. I can’t go into a store, library or even my own home without seeing these masks. Purple masks, blue masks, black masks, even masks with feathered headdresses attached. All these different colors, different sizes and shapes, to cover the ugliness and beauty of everyone. Everyone has a mask of some sort. Even I have a mask. Whether it be a mask of religion, a mask of sexual orientation, a mask of  where you live, how […]

If i am able
to hold a gun
and connect it to my head…
Would i have the self-confidece
to pull the trigger.
If i had rope
lying against my neck
and connect it to a beam
in my garage…
Would i have the self-confidence
to dangle and be choke
to death.
If i am able
to look out in the water
and then jump…
Would i have the self-confidence
to drown myself to the bottom.
Could i even gain that?
Am i strong enough
to do all of this
Cry as i do this
Would i croward out
and become a failure.
Or could […]

This website has seperated.
Before it was all friendly and everyone was talking to each other and being nice
Now a lot of new people have come and tooken over..
Like, there’s a group of friends on here now that only talk to each other, Posts are ignored because this group just gets larger and larger
It’s like at school.  There’s a girl/boy.. they have friends.. new people come a long and Bam, friends are gone.
This site is supposed to be a big community to help others in getting better and other stuff, not making a big group of “online friends” and ruling it.

All i want now…
is to be alone.
i just want to be in my bed
and cover up my shame.
I barely get out of bed…
anymore…
I feel so alone
i just dont have the strength
anymore…
Nevermore…
all i do is just lie there
and think of what i have become.
What soon possiblities
will soon uncover.
What falsely tales…
will be buried.
I want to run away
just drop what i have
and just walk away…
This is the last of what i had become
the last of what i am…
Now…
i just want rope around my neck
and just […]