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I always felt very alone and I never wanted to talk about it. Last autumn I tried to tell my boyfriend, but I don´t think he believed me. And even if he did, we never mentioned it again. All he suggested was talking to a psychiatrist but I don´t want to. I don´t think it would help. He can´t tell me things I don´t already know and he can´t teach me to stop remembering. And speaking means admitting. Writing is more impersonal. I just don´t want to go through all this again.
I just want a second chance, but I´m not so sure I could master it. I don´t know if I can live a “normal” life. Is there a way for me to marry and be happy with my husband? Can I trust him enough to have a child? Would I be a good mother? And do I want to take responsibility for a child? How could I protect my son or daughter?
Because if there is nothing more in life than solitude, pain and fear I don´t know why I should go on with it. I mean, I don´t feel sad when my dad died and he was the only person that I ever cared for. I´m not happy when pups are born and I don´t feel anything for the people around me that call me their friend.
The only time I feel alive is when I´m next to Dani – and everytime he looks at me his eyes turn so cold that I could start crying. He has no idea what he means to me. And I´m so afraid of loosing him…
6 comments
Girlie stuff, i bet by tomorrow she’ll be happy again
girlie stuff?
guy, if you think so, I´d love to know what happend to you that you think you have a right to tell me my problems are girlie stuff – by the way, if you have nothing helping to say, keep your mouth shut.
That person before me is wrong. I know what it feels like to be alone. But you have so many people who feel that way too. Just look at everyone elses posts. You are not alone.
I have a wife, and though she may not understand how I feel inside, she supports me and is the reason I live.
Hope that helps
@lone wolf; Hugobadmf’s comment was pretty harsh, but I read an earlier post where I think he said he’s from Argentina or Mexico (can’t remember which). Latin American countries are very macho, genders have specific roles. The guy works, the woman takes care of the kids. I’m not condoning what he said, I’m just saying that women aren’t really seen as fully integrated members of society in much of the world, and Hugo Bad Motherf*#ker may just be a product of his environment. That shit doesn’t fly in the US, but that mentality still exists in some parts of the world. (Being dismissive of women).
To be honest, worrying whether a relationship will last, having children and being a good mother are things every woman worries about. As far as your boyfriend acting cold, you need to tell him the moment you feel he’s being cold toward you. Every girl I know holds those feelings in, discusses them with everyone except for the person who introduced those feelings in them, and if they are vocal about the issue, it is usually weeks or months later. Girls have a bad habit of not being blunt and immediate about their feelings when talking to guys. That is why a girl may hold a grudge for weeks and the other party may not even know the girl is upset; this is also why guys rarely get upset with one another for long periods, because when something pisses us off we will address the issue immediately and openly and settle it. I have never argued with one of my guy friends for longer than two minutes, and afterward the issue is settled and left behind.