I just want someone who can trust and beaccepted by. I feel like no one cares about me and if I were to die tonight nobody would notice. I hate myself for being so lonely.
Theres a girl … she doesnt know how to handle things… everythings spirling out of control… sometimes she can convince herself that shes not really alive… maybe shes in a nightmare.. and she just cant wake up..?
You’d never guess her secret if you knew here.. she hides it so well… she seems so happy… do you want to know her secret..? She cuts herself. She doesnt know why… and she doesnt understand why she resolved to it.. but one thing she knows is SHE CANT STOP.. […]
for as long as i can remember, i’ve always been different from everyone else.
eventually i came to accept it; i basked in loneliness, despite the fact that it was “wrong” in the eyes of others. it was wrong to sit in my room alone. it was wrong to ignore others. it was wrong to not be like everyone else.
so i put up walls and i lived behind a mask for years. it was nearly perfect, as everyone bought into my lies. they believed that i was the person who i pretended to be.
yet one person knew.. he was the person closest to myself. he […]
Since this passed January, I am 30 years old.
I have never dated, never kissed a woman, and (obviously) never had sex.
The enormity of what it would take to reverse my current mindset to help alleviate some of the above issues…is a hill I don’t try climbing any more; I’m too far behind at this point. On the good days I push my resignation to the back of my mind, and it just sits there in acceptance. On the bad days, all thoughts of “what could have beenâ€, the sense of loss, crash home and it’s only for lack of having easy […]