where do i begin? i don’t even care. i have no one. no purpose. no friends. sure i have pseudo-friends. but not one that would bother be inconvenienced to alter their precious life to help me. so i am alone. perpetually. look, i don’t even bother with capital letters anymore. i don’t expect anyone to even read this so what’s the use anyway? i wish it would end. i haven’t the courage to end things myself. so i just wish for it and cry. i wish i had a real sickness. cancer. something. i almost think at times that then people would notice. but then […]
Tag:
Abyss
When you just don’t care enough to carry on
And every road looks like the wrong way
You feel like you’ve got nowhere to belong
And you can’t get out of bed to face the day
When you drive away the ones that love you most
And you’re left staring into the abyss
You feel that you’d prefer to be a ghost
Because you know that you will not be missed
Then I’ve been where you are, without a doubt
And the way that you feel, ain’t no tongue can tell
It’s a darkened room with no clear way out
You’ve made it to the other side […]
DESCENT:
Falling victim from neglect
Designed thoughts and intellect
Forgotten and displaced
The crux of my dismay
I feel nothing
I am nothing
I feel nothing
Nothing
How deep I descend?
Until I reach my end?
How deep I descend?
Deeper into this abyss
Weighted down and sinking fast
Life did not offer me
More than false destiny
I feel nothing
I am nothing
I feel nothing
Nothing
How deep I descend?
Until I reach my end?
How deep I descend?
I am nothing
I feel nothing
I am nothing
I feel nothing
Nothing
Nothing…
How deep I descend?
Until I reach my end?
How […]
I’m sorry for those who left replies on my Wonderland post. I had accidentally deleted it. Thank you those who did, and those who took the time to read it, thank you to you too. Its the next day but I’m scared to leave my room, for fear he’ll be out there to yell my ear off and make me feel less again… I know he loves me because he still lets me stay at the house and drive my mom’s old car… but.. Sometimes, it just seems like all he does is shout at me for everything… he’s coping, and I can’t do anything […]
I met my husband 8-years ago, online, in a most conceivable place. My need to get away from the reality that surrounded my life led me into an unknown abyss inside the virtual world, that continues till today. I never asked for an ideal living but the constant fights between my parents were a bit too much for my 18 year old soul. I struggled with the yelling and screamings, petrified that they would someday lead to something far worse. Hiding my head under the pillow did not work for too long since afraid as I was of the fights the thought of not knowing […]
Life.The last couple of days have seen the spawning of a journey out of the abyss. So much deep emotion, (confusion, anger, fear, and hopelessness) was building up and needed to be released into the atmosphere. I still think about those things (meaninglessless, conditional love, my mistakes, my future) but when I feel myself slipping asunder, I mentally create a hypothetical situation that I know would be 100% unbearable, then measure how much worse it is than my present state.
I talk to the Universe, thanking it for taking care of the souls who have departed, praying for their happiness.Then I ponder on things completely unrelated […]
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