Abyss

I’m sorry for those who left replies on my Wonderland post. I had accidentally deleted it. Thank you those who did, and those who took the time to read it, thank you to you too. Its the next day but I’m scared to leave my room, for fear he’ll be out there to yell my ear off and make me feel less again… I know he loves me because he still lets me stay at the house and drive my mom’s old car… but.. Sometimes, it just seems like all he does is shout at me for everything… he’s coping, and I can’t do anything about that. But I haven’t gotten to have my moment with my mom’s things… I’m being as strong as possible, but its not just my dad. My job sometimes makes me feel like I’m no use… I’m a waitress, but my bosses are disrespectful to us and likes to figure out what buttons to push and use it agains you… but I can’t quit. I need the money so I can escape… It’s a ruthless cycle… an abyss I’m constantly falling deeper and deeper into. If I didn’t have my fiance, I probably would’ve killed myself when my mom died… but since he’s here, I couldn’t bear to do that to him… but… sometimes… the pain just gets too great and the comfort that was given from my mom’s arms isn’t there anymore… I’m not going to kill myself… I just need to do this now to let the pain out when I can’t talk to my fiance. Thank you for reading…