Honestly though, is life really worth it. Constantly being judged and having to go get hair cuts, ugh so much work. I would rather just skip school and watch American Horror Story all day, am I right? Exactly, but that’s not how life works. We need to work for what we have. I am 14 for crying out loud and I am terrified of the future. I have a shitty job at Tim Hortons and get $10 an hour to pour coffee and listen to all my customers ***** and complain that there no donuts and I forgot a spoon with their sandwich, I know right […]
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I am sick of this world. I have so many great things In my life, so many great people but I can’t appreciate them, I can’t even be happy with them, i only cause them pain, so why do I deserve to be here? I see a therapist, he put me on antidepressants and sleeping meds, I hate taking those pills, makes me feel like I’m crazy, everybody asking me how I am, like a child.
My friends are starting to get fed up, they say they arnt but I’m not stupid, I can tell, I am throwing it all away. My family don’t know me […]
what was i, what have i become. i am only getting more and more corrupted. i wanted to, didn’t i? when i couldn’t find a way out of it, i decided to get more into it. taste of lie, taste of corruption!
“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.†– Dostoevsky
i wanted to test it. and i was so confident […]
I am very alone in this crippling emptiness. Unfortunately, I don’t have it in me to take my own life, I know how brutal death is on normal people, I wouldn’t put them through it. How to live through depression and the lack of will to live? Is it possible?
“Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? They say I’m better off now than I ever was..”
Dear Mom and Daddy,
You won’t ever read this because if I wanted you to then I would be writing this on paper and mailing to you to get a week from now. I’ve played over in my head a million times how to say all of this to you and I still don’t know how, but let me ask you something..
Did it ever occur to you that I’m not better!? That I’m not okay, in reality I’m worse than ever, and I’ve just gotten a […]
I am scared, and confused.
I wonder why the voices won’t leave my head.
I hear them talking all around.
I see them when I try to sleep.
I want to get rid of them.
I am scared, and confused.
I pretend that they’re not there.
I feel their presences, it gives me chills.
I touch my mind to erase what I’ve seen.
I worry that they will be around me forever.
I cry because everyone thinks I’m crazy.
I am scared, and confused.
I understand that medicine won’t take them away.
I say that medicine doesn’t help to my doctors, but they don’t understand.
I dream […]
Throughout my life I’ve been rather fearless but there are a couple of things that always scared me – death by suffocation or drowning and being burned to death. Maybe it’s the fact of having no control in the moment. Like being trapped in a burning car or having something heavy fall and being pinned to the ground, unable to breath or fight in any way.
But last night I had a dream. In this dream there were no circumstances or long, drawn out situations. Just the perception of burning; burning away all my useless flesh and taking my physical pain and disabilities away with it. […]
We lie all the time. Some do it to avoid hurting others, or being a bother to others, or because you just can’t trust anyone anymore. The most common lie is “I’m ok.” We all know we aren’t ok. And for me at least it hurts more each time I have to pretend that I’m full of sunshine and shit rainbows. The truth? I’m not alright. I’m not ok. Hell, I’m not even stable. I keep hearing things, and kinda seeing things. I know the manager is sitting in his office watching the live security feed from where I am, making sure I don’t screw […]
I was just wondering. Everytime I tell my closest friend (but this is my view of our friendship) what I am feeling, for example last night, I told him that I felt like complete shit and everyone would go along their merry ways if I die without even caring, he just says, ” If that’s what you think then okay.” And the subject stops there. He quickly jumps to another topic and I assume that he doesn’t really wanna hear what I have to say. I try not to get hurt by his words but I feel like it’s just one bigger proof that even […]
Aww another day of this face I have to put on daily the happy to be alive face. When inside I am dark ,sad,alone crying I have been this way since I was 15yrs old I have survived multiple attempts on my own life been institutionalized once or twice lied my way Out this face sometimes is hard to keep up that darkness inside me overwhelms me and I go somewhere and take the mask off like now in a place with over 360 people I am crying alone.but I cannot stay this way the mask must be put on again I long to be […]
Hello everybody.  I am speechless (as you can see). I joined here because i am really weak at making decisions (like death or life, joy or sadness..). I mean i and my mind are living different lives. On one day i make about three- four mind changes. I just don’t  know which one I am right now. I am always copying someone. I mean i can be myself (sometimes) but  mostly i’m trying  to be someone different. i always  think too much. i was in mental hospital. i was in mental hospital for month, i wanted to stay there more. i don’t even know why […]
I hate myself as a person. so many people make posts about how they’re so angry and so mad at everyone for ruining their lives… not me. I can’t blame anyone for any major bad things in my life… I’ve had it good.
The thing is, I ruined my own life. But you wouldn’t know it to look at it from the outside in. I have a good paying job, happily married, siblings/parents/grandparents all in my life. I don’t deserve my wife or other things in my life, but I’m a naturally flawed and ungrateful person so while I realize I don’t deserve them, that doesn’t […]
I’ve been going out with the same girl for over 5 years. Tonight, when everyone will be sleeping, this is gonna end. Those are simple words. Meaningless words for you all. But you don’t know. Nobody knows. You’re not breathing my absence of air right now. You’re not filled with these sharp sticks inside your stomach. You’re all in your own world and it doesn’t affect you at all. So why am I writting it ?
To distract myself, maybe. To pause the destructive emotions. To use Mr. Brain and forget about Mr Heart for few minutes.
She will cry a lot. She will definitly hate me. She […]
As of today I am 70 days clean of self harm. Its been really hard for me. But these past few days its been the hardest, especially today. I thought I was done with that part of my life . But then again that’s what I said last time.
Hi Guys,
This is just going to be short and sweet. First off I am sorry that I didn’t post my weekly post yesterday. I completely forgot and I was so tired. Anywho here I am. Yay….
How are you guys?
How am I? Um well… Not so good. It’s so tempting to go… It’s so tempting to say goodbye… It’s so tempting…
Here’s a poem:
My feet hit the soft carpet
I look up at myself
Tears streaming down my face
I look at myself in the mirror for the last time.
I brush my hair to make it look good
I put the brush down […]
its not my fault i was born this way. its not my fault this has happened to me. im so sorry! i have tried so hard. it doesn’t matter. i am letting down those who i love the most. i cant live like this…
I’m supposed to be sleeping but bleh. I hate these nights when all that goes through my head is how bad I am, that I am simply a waste of a human being. The people I would call my bestfriends based on others’ definition are people who I can’t vent out on. I can’t tell my family because they won’t even care. How I act is completely different from how I feel, appearing to be bubbly and weird in a funny way. I don’t know how they will see me in this state and how I will be treated. I like to think that I’m […]
I’ve been feeling really down since the sun has gone down; not that it ever really made a difference watching the sun through my bedroom window. These days, nothing changes with me, although things and people change all around. I lie here and wait for death to come for me, eventually.
Here is a song to go with my poem –
These Days – Nico
I’ve been out walking
I don’t do too much talking
These days, these days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to
I’ve stopped my rambling
I […]
I’ve been waiting to buy my own bottle to end my life with and im terrified. As though I can’t possibly do it, but im going to make myself. I like life, I cant stand myself and all the things I don’t know.. Im not very excited, just sad. am I crazy to feel I dont want to do this but its for the best? fuck, whats crazy anyway, I know this is for the best. why am I so afraid.. I dont want to do it myself.. it astounds me everyday that I live alongside humans that can build skyscrapers, entertain millions with their […]
Why is such a site appealing?
Don’t know, but it is.
Thanks for having it.
I have not been thinking of suicide for the past couple of years, but in the last couple of months yes.
The same old thing–how do I make it look like an accident (insurance money) and yet guarantee that it’s successful and not too painful?
In Switzerland, you hear about the occassional bicycle rider who gets hit by a car.
But you know at 48, I have managed to live with depressed thoughts for a long time.
I see all these young people on this site and I cannot imagine how they can feel so down.
In my […]