The cock of the hammer
The slam of the slide
Signaling the death
Of one’s self pride
One pull from freedom
One final thought
Shall my soul fly
Or, shall it not.
Tag:
Ambivalence
Social anxiety disorder has completely consumed my life. I don’t have any friends left. Most of them have moved on because my avoidant behaviour is very off putting. I don’t blame them for that.
I’m so depressed about my life and what is going on for me. I attend college and am scoring well in my exams, but I can’t even say “hello” to the other students. There really is little benefit in scoring well in theory when you can’t put this into practice in our very social society.
Sometimes I put on a brave face and say that I feel okay and that I don’t care […]
I legitimately want to die.
I can’t tell anyone.
They say I’m a good person. That may be true. But I feel like dead weight. I really do not want to talk myself out of this.
I hate the idea of not being able to make a truly positive impact in someone’s life. It feels like the people closest to me find me intolerable.
I feel intolerable. For thinking this at all, I feel it is all the more reason to stop monologuing and go through with it.
I’ve killed myself so many times in my mind.
I don’t know who I am.
Blame it […]
well a lively chat today. i was surprised that you had already read last nights post. and surprised that you would be offended by that surprise. seriously my cynicism has everything to do with my self loathing and not your personal or professional capabilities. my previous therapist never called me at the hut . and i know that i am just one of many that you see. i did notice by the way that you zinged me pretty good. yes i know that killing myself would leave a mess for others to clean up. both literally and figuratively. i also know that my family and […]
I’m 22 years old and In a relationship with a fantastic guy who loves me. I have relatively supportive parents and a huge network of friends. I just graduated college at the top of my class and I have “goals” for the future. I have an incredible summer planned: travel, adventure, Burning Man..
My life is nothing short of amazing.
Then why do I want to throw it all away? Why do I contemplate suicide everyday?
My feelings of inadequacy only grow the more I try to perfect myself. I try to let go of my eating disorder and allow myself to gain a […]
the Suicide
Death dwells in the shadow just at your shoulder. You invited it in, you dined with it, you bathed with it, you lay with death.
Consumed by and consuming, death becomes both a path and a destination for you.
You write a final letter, a final note, and gulp down a bottle of pills, hoping it will all be over soon…
And then…
You wait…
But not long for as you soon take you final step…
You call for help.
But wait, this makes no sense?
Why would you wish for death, plan for death, and attempt to kill yourself only to give up and try to save yourself in […]