They say that you never forget your first love. This is a 1973 Dodge Dart with the slant 6 motor.
So what… Keep trying, uh? The story must begin with a crew. The “bebop” genre description describes it all fully well. I don’t know exactly how it goes…. somewhere along outside the box, but not really. But anyway, as I’ve mentioned, I am here seeking the ‘Pilgrimage’, becoming my tribal name of faith. A tribal, that’s what it’s suppose to be about. Me and my own one in a million, fated. I read elsewhere how like… Wiccan is referred to as a way of life, which then made more sense to me, based, on the living myth.
Oblivious. A suffering fetus. Mother, cow, a celestial mind. […]
Living hurts. The people who used to make me happy now tear away at my sanity, even without meaning to. I watch tons of porn daily, and whenever I go a day without porn I spend it being a lazy fuck. HOW DID I EARN THIS LIFE? HUH? ANSWER ME DAMMIT!!!! It’s like death is a release even if I do go to hell I’ll at least know why. I go to a therapist, take happy pills, and fantasize about me dying. I like to think that I’ll die quickly but brutally so I’ll go out in kick ass way. I pray every day […]
Hi, I’ve been in pain my whole life. I’ve been treated for depression since I was 11 (I’m in my early 40’s). I’ve tried every antidepressant and combinations (don’t tell me I haven’t, I’ve been a nurse for over 20 years, I understand the pharmaceutical interventions available) as well as behavioral and cognitive therapy, nothing works. In October of 2012 I injured my back severely because my wife asked me to lift her. I was on opanna, dilaudid, Percocet, etc. Nothing helped. I saw multiple surgeons, physical therapy, epidural blocks, and a chiropractor but nothing helped. The opiates affected my sexual performance.
My wife of 15 […]
Although I would never walk that same path, knowing the pain that will rein onto my loved ones. Being a heroin junkie drowned out my depression caged my thoughts with painful withdrawals and lifted me back up to clouds when I finally got that hit. No self-loathing no depression but at the very least a selfish reason for living.
I’ve made up my mind I want to die, I don’t see the point my existence anymore. The only thing holding me back is my fear of the pain before I go, I don’t want to die thinking only of the pain I want to go while I’m thinking of my friends and family… Some of you reading this may question “if you have family and friends why do you want to die it’s pointless?” and the sad fact is that I simply give up, I give up fighting all these emotions and I give up to the pain and suffering hard times have given […]
Everywhere I go people have something horrible to say about me, whether it’s that I’m an idiot / retard / moron / ugly or disgusting… they just never have anything positive to say and lack the empathy or sympathy to understand how much it hurts. I have no chance of survival because is no way for me to escape emotional pain. Some people would laugh at me behind my back or right in my face and say things like “he’s the ugliest person I’ve ever seen” or “he’s a worthless piece of shit” and some things that people have said have really stuck with me […]
I cant stop obsessing on my last job. The boss treated me like shit and it really damaged my confidence. It was a camp job 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. I stayed for 2 turnarounds. And both were utter hell. I’ve been dealing with depression for years now and whatever happend when i went to this job this guy just triggered every insecurity i had in me. I shut down and ended up quitting and stayed in bed at home for like a week . My girl doesn’t know how to deal with me. I feel so broken and ashamed i could let this […]
I dont know what to do with myself. My mother told me i failed every class of my sophmore year, that im a failure, stupid, a waist of time, that im on the right way of being homeless. She tells me i cant go to summer school cause she doesnt want to waist her time and that i have to get a job to help myself from now on. I live right down from my school, about one hour walk. I can do it myself. I dont need her to help me. She said i dont get a second chance so i say”But thats the […]
I just found today an old post of mine to this site, back in 2009. I have lost the login because I don’t have anymore the email account that I used. A long story. My nick was griks and here is the post:
http://suicideproject.org/2009/11/it-all-sucks/
It was me. I remember I just posted that and didn’t look anymore. I am shocked the post has 19 comments. From almost every year , and the last one is from January 2014, only 5 months ago! and I posted that on 2009.
I said I didn’t know why I shared that and now I still don’t know why I am writing […]
About 3 weeks ago I said that I was going to kill myself. Well, I am alive now. At least for a little while longer, I am seeing a Psychiatrist and now she’s the only person who seems to listen after my best friend passed away and I don’t just want professional help, I want people REAL PEOPLE I can talk to. So for those who wanted me to write to, I will write to you and for those who want me to write to you, comment on this post. I didn’t really read any of your comments until today when I got back online.
So […]
I was sitting on my porch when my phone rang. It was my friend Mel calling. I could already hear in her voice she wasn’t okay. She said to me. ” am sorry I haven’t been in touch, it’s just that my depression has gotten worst and I had taken in. I got super skinny and been going to doctor allot and they are still running some test. It is just that I have been so ALONE…. And I have tried killing myself a couple of times. “. I felt Horrible. Little did she know I was cutting myself just the week before. And […]
This might seem different than most of the posts I make, or everybody else makes for that matter. I recently read something on depression and it mentioned how it’s very difficult to get back to or even remember how you were before your depression. You lose yourself and the lucky ones that get over their depression, don’t always know what kind of people they are, what their personality was like.
My question for you is, before this black monster crawled on top of your shoulders, what were you like?
the demons are back and their stronger than ever. i wish they would just leave me alone.
Hello, before I begin I’d like to say thank you for taking your time reading this. It’s a long story and I’m afraid that there will be more negative elements than good but I’m working on that. I’ve come here for a last attempt for finding hope, as I have lost mine. Maybe writing my story there will be someone out there who really understands. But I must warn you, this is a cautionary tale so please keep an open mind. I really need some help with being completely overwhelmed. What would you do? Â
Where do you begin when you decide writing your life […]
Finally I can have this back. Finally got *him* to leave this alone. God where the hell do I start? I was in the bathroom one day and I just filled up the tub. No bubbles. No nothing. It’s not like I was trying to have a bubble bath. And I got in and went underwater. As long as I could. Knowing that I’ll struggle and finally come up for air once I can’t take anymore. But I wanted to suffer. Feel me black out. I sat there for 2 hours of just complete silence. I’ve had a relapse and it’s horrible.
Well, I’ve been off my med (200mg Zoloft) for three weeks. Cold turkey. I was on it for both depression and anxiety.
The only difference I notice is that the physical symptoms of my anxiety have returned. That trembling sensation in my hands, nausea, sweating, flushing, etc. Anxiety levels and depression levels are the same.
Withdrawal effects were pretty tame. Nausea, head aches, dizziness, emotional lability (i.e. uncontrollable crying/laughter at odd times)
Hmm probably should go back. The physical symptoms of anxiety are a ***** and they are mostly visible to other people which is not good and in turn makes me more anxious.
Novelist Graham Greene played Russian roulette as a teenager
If the first volume of his autobiography A Sort of LIfe is to be believed, then the novelist Graham Greene did not have a very auspicious childhood.
His earliest memory was of sitting in his pram atop a hill, with a dead dog at his feet. When he was five, Greene walked with his nurse close to an alms-house, outside of which a crowd had gathered. Suddenly a man rushed forward and into the building. It was said he was about to cut his throat. Greene and his nurse waited among the wide-eyed spectators, until the man appeared […]
I’m a piece of fucking shit and this world should throw a “thank fuck he’s dead” no-expense-sparred party when I drop dead! After dreading my cousins wedding for days and not sleeping for the past week it’s turned out as bad as I imagined. Ofc it would because everything that could have gone wrong in my life has and always will occur… my mum dying shortly after I was born, being beaten and abused, bullied, being fucking retarded and barely hitting puberty, and being mentally ill.
I fucked up the whole day. I got lost driving to the place, I couldn’t find a seat and everyone […]
I stared at my wrists,
Thin, pale scars stared back.
I promised everyone I would quit,
Mainly so they would leave me alone.
Words running through my mind.
Words carved on my arms.
Hate, ugly, fat, unloved.
The words that made me feel so small,
Permanently carved into my skin.
Everyone thinks I’m doing better,
that all the harsh words have stopped.
But they haven’t.
Everyone thinks I’ve stopped cutting,
But no one ever checks thighs.