Although I would never walk that same path, knowing the pain that will rein onto my loved ones. Being a heroin junkie drowned out my depression caged my thoughts with painful withdrawals and lifted me back up to clouds when I finally got that hit. No self-loathing no depression but at the very least a selfish reason for living.
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Hey que sera, it’s been awhile.
Good on you for abstaining from the H-bomb. I’d thought a lot recently about my use of prescription pain killers leading to an even worse dependency on opiates and such. But thankfully they’ve kicked me down a notch, at the cost of experiencing more pain but that’s the price I’m willing to pay.
I hope you’ve been well these past few months, keep up the good work. 🙂
The other day I was surfing the deep web looking to order opiates, anything to get me through (never took them before). I had my heart set on Oxycontin for some reason. H definitely too hardcore for me! Then I realised there was no way I was gonna get my befuddled, middle aged brain around the Bitcoin currency (let alone learn something called PGP), and I don’t know any drug dealers irl, so that sweet little fantasy had to bite the dust along with so many others!
I’ve known a lot of drug users and addicts in my time while never quite becoming one of them myself. So many are such cool people. I was just never that cool, fun or extroverted. I have the unglamourous affliction of a major mental illness.
It’s interesting what you say, que sera, about how the H ‘drowned out’ the depression, Then you’re locked into a different version of hell I guess…until the ensuing chaos gets too much for everybody and you either OD or get yourself to rehab. I’m a tiny bit jealous. There’s no rehab for a severe psychotic illness…and no one claps or congratulates you for staying ‘clean’.