Anxiety. Depression. Panic Attacks. Two years ago I fell into a deep, deep depression where I could think about nothing but ending it. That’s what I wanted most. I lost ALL of my friends by pushing them away with my constant depression and negativity. Things started getting better, or so I thought. Maybe I was just too busy to notice my anxiety. Maybe it never went away. All I know is when my panic attacks start back up, they are getting more and more intense. Much worse than in the past. At least then I had more self control to try to keep busy and […]
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well damn everything is falling in place now. i had some really bad troubles with ppl. and life and things have been really hard for me lately. to where i thought i really had no part in this world. but im moving i have a new guy im talking to and having fun with friends and stuff. life just threw me a curve ball. but it got back straight.
Can you hear me? Not many can. A year ago, I became depressed. Life just doesn’t  make sense anymore. I could hear the whispers behind my back, and I saw the looks I got. I got pretty nervous; I was always checking my back. I stayed up for hours at night, writing letters and wanting the courage to do it. I wanted to kill myself.
I lived in fear. I wanted to leave this world; I was so tired of living. But I was scared of the consequences. I hated my mother, we always fought and I did not believe she loved me. I don’t think […]
I overdosed last night. I thought that I would go peacefully in my sleep, but I woke up with stomach pains, a head ache, and I was vomiting. This all lasted a good three hours before the the worst of ended and I could go back to sleep. I wish that I didn’t wake up, but I know one thing if overdosing is like that I am not going to do it again. I just cannot find the strength to continue, I want to sit in bed all day and sleep. I just do not understand the point of life, we fight to live so […]
I am 19 years old and I have an eating disorder.
Two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital for an overdose and for self-harm. My normal weight before the eating disorder was 73kgs but now I range between 59-62kg (which is on the brink of unhealthy for my height).
Between the ages of 8-12 I was continuously sexually abused and when I was 12 I was taken from my house by child protective services because of a FALSE allegation against one of the male family members in my family.
Since that night I was forced to live away from home. Luckily I was allowed to […]
I am 19 years old and I have an eating disorder.
Two weeks ago I was admitted to hospital for an overdose and for self-harm. My normal weight before the eating disorder was 73kgs but now I range between 59-62kg (which is on the brink of unhealthy for my height).
Between the ages of 8-12 I was continuously sexually abused and when I was 12 I was taken from my house by child protective services because of a FALSE allegation against one of the male family members in my family.
Since that night I was forced to live away from home. Luckily I was allowed to lie with […]
People don’t care until you’re dead. I think we all know that now. I wish it wasn’t true. i wish there was some sort of way to show people how much they’re hurting me. I wanna hurt them back by leaving. By doing this act of killing myself. To show them how much shit they made me go through. I hope they cry. It must be very morbid for me to say all this but that’s how I feel. How can I help it?
Here I go again. I’m so done with this shit you know. How much can someone take? When do you say enough? When can you tell someone they’re the reason you wanna leave this world?
I began having severe depression at 12 years old due to achieving an erection everytime I stood up. That lasted for 8 years til I was 20. Depression worsened after 2 years and when I was 14 I started having suicidal thoughts but I kept them to myself. Â I had so many suicidal thoughts over the next decade, it has to total in the 100,000s. Â I dropped out of high school due to having no energy to continue.
I went to college many years later. I had constant suicidal thoughts, every building I saw I saw myself jumping off of. Sometimes with myself set on fire. […]
I last posted in February, and I haven’t really been active since then, just trying to get better I suppose. In my previous post, I shared with you all about my suicide attempt with bleach. It was a terrible decision on my part and I regret it deeply now. Looking at all the pain it caused for the ones I loved, it was honestly one of the worse things I have done.
But now I am getting better. I had posted before about how I was losing my emotions and how I couldn’t cry anymore. Now I can shed tears, which I have now […]
So I’m not ready to die yet, but I don’t feel much like dealing with life all the time. I just want to sleep all my free time away. I hate weekends, too much time to think. But my sleep cycle is completely normal, sadly (haha).
So I’ve been thinking of taking sleep aids to just force myself to sleep all day. I just want to eat and go back to bed on days I don’t have work or school. Breaks are unbearable… Somedays I can see friends, but not always, and being by myself just makes me think too much and I can’t stop […]
There are no more chapters in this life. No more pages in this book. Just the back cover, which is as hard as a rock.
It’s time to go.
Today my ‘father’ found out I was hospitalized three weeks ago. I had been keeping this from him because, honestly, I felt he didn’t deserve to know. A friend at the time had abused my trust, called the police on me, and I was sent to the hospital and kept there due to the fact I had cuts on my arm. Fresh cuts. I was put in therapy and am back on medication, which I am grateful for. I just wish the situation hadn’t panned out as it had.
I digress. He noticed I was talking about my medication online and he asked me what I […]
If anyone wants to talk to someone. I don’t care what time or hour Skype me danyiel.arkady if I don’t get back to you in time please give me time.
Ive been to the darkest depths and I stand where I stand now because of my difficult journey. I know you have it in your heart, bc every word you speak says it. Cause deep down inside you know this can’t be life. So lets talk and day by day get through it together. I promise…dont hesitate hit me up.
With that being said Im willing to put my heart into it if your willing to try…
I had made plans that today would be the day that I would kill myself. I planned on walking up the cannon packing my gun in a back pack, I would go off the trail and go to a little cave like structure and put a bullet in between my eyes. I had walked to the location before, I know exactly where it was going to be. Now that I think about it I don’t think that I have the guts to go through with killing myself. Im scared to shoot myself, even though death is what I want the most in this world, Im […]
There were hands everywhere, so many hands grabbing at me, greedy hands, get off of me, greedy hands, lights flashing, clicking, blurry vision, light, dark, chatter, noise, I’m so confused, I’m so cold, I’m so sad…..
I have drifted into something, somewhere I don’t understand, something I never meant for….
I’ve been born?
Oh God, no.
Oh no, God.
I’ve been born.
It’s the worst day of my life.
This is the first day of my time in hell.
Worst day, first day…for without a first day, there could be no second day, no third day, no 11,322th day…..
Oh what have I done to be cursed like this! Wretched little body. Wretched little room.  Wretched little world.
“In that place there will […]
I have been suicidal for at least two years now. I cannot stand to be alive and i have NOTHING to live for. I have no job, i live with my mom (im 33), i have no friends, no partner, no money, my family treat me like an outcast and i have no motivation or excitement in my life. I want to die but cannot for the life of me understand why im still here! Oh, and by the way im not religious. Does anyone else here have the same problem? Ive even chosen my method to exit this world but i dont know whats […]
Why is depression such a relationship killer? If I want a successful relationship am I just supposed to hide the depression completely? Past experience has shown me that this seems to be the only option. The problem being is that as you start getting comfortable around someone the shiny façade starts to slip and reveals the ugliness underneath.
I’ve tried letting them know ahead of time. That I suffer from depression. For the most part the meds manage it, but there will days where it gets through. “Sureâ€, they say, “everybody gets down once and while, no worries.†But when they actually see it, they learn that it’s […]
Life is a fascinating experience, but life can also be very negative, and when you die..you’re in utter peace. You feel nothing, know nothing, you’re just nothing. (unless God exists…) It’s like going back to before you were born.