I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
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Bad Thoughts
I feel like my life has been a blur..a blur I didnt want to acknowledge until I realized its eating me inside and im basically dead already. I am ashamed of myself and I cant speak to ANYBODY about this. I dont want to die.. but i dont want to exist either. I dont want to exist because there is not a day im not reminded of the torture and abuse i had to withstand and have never been able to share with anybody. I was sexually abused and molested when i was a kid..for several years. I was confused. I didnt know what was […]
I recently moved to a new city. I left behind my friends, my family, my job of seven years….But I did so to go back to school, start a new career, and be closer to my girlfriend was an added bonus. When I got here everything was great. We talked like we always do shared and supported each other. Now….she barely wants to talk to me even though I have done nothing to merit this. I cook I clean I do laundry vacuum do dishes, so if you’re reading this and thinking oh he’s a guy he probably doesn’t do much to help, ya right […]
I feel so tired that I wish I could just go to sleep one last time and never wake up again, that would be soo nice right now. And it’s not just a tiredness caused by too many late nights, trust me, it goes much deeper than that. Basically I’ve grown so world weary that I’m tired of life itself and now quite at my wits end for the incessant doubts, fears and anger have really taken their toll on me. Sometimes I think this is all just a bad nightmare and one day I’m going to wake up and everything will be fine, but I […]
Well, I come on here to tell everyone else to change their lives, that you can get past the bad thoughts and your negative crap. But it’s begining to just back fire. I have been depressed and a cutter for a long time (well thats how it seems to me), seven years now. I am nearly ninteen years old. Last year in May I first tried to kill myself, I almost died but my family found me just in time. I tried again twice more but got to a point where I had to accept that I was meant to be here a little longer. […]
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