I feel her. Her reached is far. I remember everything about her – I am a willing hostage. She’s in the room. The flowers she loved and the electric laugh of a high voltage siren. She’s in the room. And nothing bad ever happened – the pillow is soft. She’s in the room. The child smiles and grabs her rose colored skirt. Dance she says and of course I do. She’s in the room. Yes we will live forever – we are just that solid. She’s in the room. Honey drips from the walls – I cry and she swallows my pain with her lips. […]
Tag:
bad
Why do we hurt ourselves?
And I don’t mean in the physically obvious way that so many of us on here have, I mean in an emotional sense.
Why do we persist with people that deep down we know are hurting us, or will eventually hurt us? Sometimes its obvious to us that these people are bad news.
I keep asking myself this question, it’s like there’s two versions of me, the rational side that only manifests for a few seconds every hour, and then the crazy version that is in the drivers seat most of the day.
The rational me will be sat there going, “Don’t speak to […]
I have a friend, that I consider as bestfriend. But I don’t think she thinks the same way. She’s such a popular person that everybody wanna be friend with her. We are teammates in soccer team. Yesterday she played awfully. I scolded her in front of other teammates. She cried because she played awfully, not because I scolded her. But the other teammates thought it’s because of me. Everybody thinks I am such a arrogant and bad person. She told me she didn’t cry because of me. But she never told the other teammates the reason she cried and she left me with that bad […]
I don’t want to die. I don’t. I want a normal, happy life so bad. But I know that I will never have one. I’m 45, divorced, no children, unemployed for 2 years, My career is over. I live with my mom. I’m beyond lonely. Women won’t have anything to do with me. My money is gone. I wake up every morning scared to death. Any hope at salvaging a normal life is gone. I purchased a gun yesterday with the last money I had. God help me!! I’m so scared!!!!!
Because with a word she could ruin me. Her influence is stronger than anything the pharmacy magician can conjure. You ask her a question and you hope her tongue will be like silk and not slit your throat. You feel her everywhere, she is your savior and can be your death. You read her lips, her smile, her stance they are all telling you to go away. You are distorted and hope that you can hide somewhere in her mind – you will always be looking in. You kid yourself that if she gives you any response at all that Jesus is real and love […]
To me there’s a difference in self harming and actually wanting to dir. I’m no coward. Like I’ve said. I won’t end my life bc I don’t want my remainging family to live with the fact that they didn’t listen. Knowing what I’m capable of. And knowing I’m not afraid. They still go about.
I want to die so bad. And I think in all honesty this would be fair to me. But as you see I can for these fuckers around me who don’t care about me. Selfless. Fuck… I cut deep and watch the blood run out. I feel alone..and dead already its so […]
My wife came and stayed with me last night. And brought one of our kids. I missed her. We lived together. Then we were separated due to her fake beatfriend/roomate giving her altimatums on me being there. Today is the fifth day we’ve been living apart. Last night went great. Of course we bickered about what has been going on and stuff sence I’ve been gone the house isn’t a home . its been turned into a frat house. She promises to have me back home soon. She promises to have me back in her arms. In our bed with our pup and our normal […]
I go to school and get called a ***** and a slut by some guy then I also have his friend threatening to punch me. This makes me feel like shit. Like I came home and cried. I dont want to go to school but yet home isn’t better. My mom is in a bad mood and she’s acting like a biych. She’s the one who said she’s a *****. Just repeating her. But she’s taking it out on me and making me feel like shit. Can I please just have a break..? Guess not..
do i deserve to live? i took my own childs life away? he couldnt speak, he couldnt say no, he couldnt fight for his life and i took it away from him, i could have had a beautiful 1 year old boy to this day and i still would have been with my girlfriend but now i have fucked that all up and im left alone with nothing no one to love no purpose to live or go on i want my baby back i want to be with him up in heaven. is that so bad?
My mother’s boyfriend hanged himself ten months ago.
I didn’t saw him, but for ten months, I’ve been having nightmares every single night. About him, or about hanging myself. I still think about him every day.
Things were really bad before he killed himself. But now, he just left a hell.
He was a good man. He was generous and kind. But he just cared to much about everything. Any small critic, any argument would drown him. Every thing that he couldn’t afford would make him anxious.
Yes, he was depressed, but no one thought that he was suicidal. And one morning… the surprise.
I try not to blame him. […]
I wish I never meant you. Because if I never meant you, I would never know this feeling that haunts me every day, this sickening feeling that feels like I’m incomplete, lost, missing something. And indeed I am, I don’t have you to call mine anymore, your “hers” and I don’t know which hurts more the things you tell me or the fact that your still with her despite how you feel for me.
When I hear people say “I love you” to their partners I wonder if they actually know what love is, how it consumes every inch of your body and soul, how […]
Sometimes i feel it would be just so much easier to give in to temptation… to let the blade make me forget everything i worry about. Every now and then i wonder why i put myself through all this grief and stress when i could make it all go away and never have to worry about a single thing ever again… bad late night thoughts that haunt me.
She talked to me for the first time in a month today. Just to tell me she has no feelings for me. After five years. We were raising a family together. Thats what I get, I was an asshole. I cant be mad at her. But damn the truth hurts. Wasn’t this supposed to get easier? I just want to give up so bad. Fuck me.
I am terrified of my parents. I don’t know why. They’re good people, I just hate telling them anything. Whenever I get a grade back, I never tell them unless it’s really terrible or unless they haven’t seen a grade in the class in a long time. Like, sometimes I want to show them a grade, good or bad. But I get so much anxiety from just showing them; approaching them and saying ‘hey I got my —– test back’. I get so much anxiety that I wake up during sleep and my stomach gets that nervous feeling. I have no clue why. I just […]
I feel bad right now.. I keep doing bad things, but suddenly sometimes I get a moment of clear mind, I feel guilty from what I’ve done. But later on when my mind is hazy, I’ll start doing those bad things again.. The hell is wrong with my brain. I don’t want to do it yet here I am. I hate my own self. I hate my own indecisiveness. I gradually become worsen, am I not? I need to maintain my good side for the sake of my family and friends, while in an other side, I practically became darker and darker. T-T how should […]
Everyday it is the same thing, get up go through my day, spend time with my daughter and my fiancée, occasionally talk to the few friends I have, clean or do school work. Sometimes I spend my spare time checking SP or Facebook which isn’t so bad but I swear it’s like a broken record playing through the same section of the same song and skipping in the same places everyday. I hate it. I wish it would change. Then I play it again. Every day. I don’t know why. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m a masochist. Not in a physical sense but emotionally. […]
Last summer, I was at a camp and one day I was really upset. My friends kept knocking on my door but I didn’t answer because I didn’t want to speak with them. After about 10 minutes, the counselor came knocking and I opened the door. To sum things up about the 6 hours after that, they thought I was attempting to kill myself. It was 6 hours of interviews, crying and honestly, a lot of people thought I had died. I told them people had misinterpreted the things I wrote in my notebook, the things I said and this one event. They believed me. […]
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life
by niki
written by niki
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
What would happen if I began shrieking? And then took a permanent marker and scarred up my grandmother’s gleaming new cupboards? And then chucked a glass mug through the windowpanes? Let all that chilled air in here.
She’s cleaning something in the bathroom…I’m doing schoolwork…ooh, I’m tempted…
I need to stop this. A spell is coming on, I can feel it, this is a bad time…can’t concentrate. Gonna hurt something.
There’s a caved-in Valentine’s balloon in the living room, floating near the ceiling…ha ha, Valentine’s day…my mother was committed to the hospital on the day of love…we brought her flowers and told her through glass smiles that she […]