Hi, I’m 12 years old and in the 7th grade. I have never tried to commit suicide but I have considered it. I just want it all to end sometimes, but sometimes I look around and think, “Why would I want to die? There’s so much to live for.” I started cutting about two months ago, but got addicted fast. I didn’t realize it at first. I thought I was in control and I wasn’t. Finally I thought, “This is stupid. I’m done with this.” I managed to not cut for all of 24 hours, then I couldn’t stop myself anymore and cut again. I […]
butterflies
are drawn up and down my arms.
butterflies
in black ink around my arms.
butterflies
in purple ink
resting on my wrists.
if i kill those butterflies i kill myself.
the butterfly project.
seven rules
that i must follow.
seven rules
that i will follow.
because i know that i have to stop
and i want to stop.
i’m just having some issues stopping
but i will
eventually.
i will stop until the butterflies fade
at least.
and then i can revert to cutting
just a little.
in the meantime:
no more cutting
no more pain
no more red.
I have been cutting since my 7th grade year. I don’t really know why I started  or what caused me to feel cutting was a good way out. All I know is that I used cutting as an escape for my pain which then turned to an addicting habit. A girl I knew, Raiyanne used to put small razor blades in her compact mirror and cut whenever she needed a release at school. I don’t know why I decided to cut but that became my way of doing it. My wrists are scarred up so bad from cutting that I’m not even sure how I […]
Keep Fighting
Two words, thousand meanings, lots of inspirations. It were the words I wrote on my left wrist on the first of march, Self Injury Awareness Day. With a butterfly, as meaning of The Butterfly Project. It’s really amazing what two words can do with a person…. They just help me get through that day.
I failed.
I tried the butterfly project…
And it helped for a day…but I cut again.
Deeply.
I have 2inches of tissues on it cause its bleeding.
I’m a failure.
I deserve to die.
This ones for Vikki.
My only true friend. Through thick and through thin.
The first person I told.
This ones for Austin.
My boyfriend. I love him because he broke down my walls.
The one who taught me how to love again.
And this is for Jason.
My youth pastor. Because he saw through me.
He saved my life.
I am determined not to cut. I will not.
A while ago I read something about The Butterfly Project. It’s a project to help self-harmers to stop with self-harm. I wanted to share this with the people here, so I decided to make a post with the rules and how to. I am also a cutter for exactly one year now. I really want to join this project one day, but I feel I’m not ready for it yet.
The Butterfly Project
The Rules:
1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on the place you want to cut.
2. Name the butterfly after […]
I tried the butterfly project out. Guess how that ended up? I was balling my eyes out and scrubbing it all off my arms. I can’t stand the thought of the names of people I care about over these ugly scars.
looking around my room i realise i have so many pills. two types of naproxen, concerta, Aleve, Adivl, Tylonal, and sleeping pillings. i coud OD no problem but… i don’t. i keep thinking about it… all the time… i want to soo bad. i could take all those pills. there’s even more in the medicine cabinet and alcohol under the stove. i could take the pills, go to bed, and never wake up.
i don’t know if it’s progress that i haven’t tried ODing yet or not because i keep thinking about it… a lot.
i stopped cutting… i think. it’s only been a few days since […]
THE RULES:
1. when you feel like you want to cut, take a marker or pen and draw a butterfly on wherever the self-harm occurs.
2. name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3. NO scrubbing the butterfly off.
4. if you cut before the butterfly is gone, it dies. if you don’t cut, it lives.
5. if you have more than one, cutting kills them all.
6. another person may draw them on you. these butterflies are extra special. take good care of them.
7. even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a […]
I killed my buttyrflies -.- I had forgotten how it feels to cut… God I missed it… Waited all summer to do it again. I’m sorry Jacob… I tried but I wanted it so bad. :3 I want more. -.-
so. my butterfly project is meh right now. I’m hoping it will pick up soon. buuuuuut. c’est la vie. anywho. i made a few more butterflies! and named them this time. for the names, http://butterflyprojects.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/so-this-time-around-ive-named-them-11/. but here are pics of them!
soooooo here are a few more
knowing that we are best friends. because you said so.
knowing you trust me enough to tell me something you wouldn’t tell anyone else that isn’t family.
pressing flowers that others label as weeds
taking beautiful photos (at least i think so) of said flowers
here, i’ll let you be the judge of that:
so, what do you think?
also, my butterfly project shall be transferred to my decade-old […]
I posted on here last month saying I was going to kill myself whenever I felt ready. I’d been planning to do it yesterday after my last scheduled meeting with someone had gone past, only I’ve managed to arrange to meet someone next Thursday. But for once, I’m actually not annoyed. I feel incredibly motivated to keep pushing on, and I’ve found a way to help me along.
So SIAD is tomorrow, and being a cutter, this is the day I’m more motivated to draw butterflies on my arms. I decided to try and raise some awareness for both SIAD and butterfly project in school, so […]
Im going to start wearing t-shirts again. If they kids at school see my wrist I don’t care, they can judge me all they want. But it won’t mean anything to me. Especially sense they don’t know my story.
I’m going to try to love life again. Tho I know it will be hard and I will still cry myself to sleep a lot. I’m going to try
I am starting the butterfly project again… Hopefully I can do it this time.
-Morgan…..RawrImaTurtle!
today i had my oral report 🙂 it went pretty good. no one asked questions or anything. but my face didn’t get all red like usual. Â it was easy (ish) Â haha.
well yesterday i got my friend to draw a butterfly on my leg (where i cut) hopefully you all know what the butterfly project is. and i haven’t cut in 3 days 🙂 I’m kinda proud of myself.
-Morgan………….RawrIamTurtle