I failed.
I tried the butterfly project…
And it helped for a day…but I cut again.
Deeply.
I have 2inches of tissues on it cause its bleeding.
I’m a failure.
I deserve to die.
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If its bleeding badly, you may need stitches. You should go to the emergency room for help so you don’t lose too much blood.
It’s better now…. Still bleeding, but better…
I can’t go to the hospital.
They’ll put me in the mental word.
I can’t.
No one can know.
If I lose too much.
I’ll die.
And I’ll be okay with that.
They can only know if I don’t have to live with the consequences….
It’s better.
Very few people “deserve to die” Aschahls. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. I make huge mistakes all the time and hurt people who have only shown me love and support. We’re human and that’s ok.
I’ve known many cutters in my lifetime, and as this site shows, you’re not alone. Cutting can be an addiction, and often with addiction recovery there’s relapse. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and realize that messing up is just part of getting better.
That helps a bit…
But I can’t seem to stop messing up.
Life is hard, Ascahls. Your addiction is hard. Your pain is hard. To be completely honest, you may mess up a lot. That doesn’t mean that you’re not making progress though. Ever heard of two steps forward, one step back? As long as recovery is important to you, that’s something you can be proud of.
It’s incredibly discouraging to find yourself going back to cutting, yes, but every time you choose “not right now. I’m not going to cut right now”, you get stronger. It may not seem that way, but you’re making progress. Progress is slow and steady, no one makes it to the finish line as soon as the race starts.
It’s funny…
One of my comments on here was telling someone..
One more day.
Say one more day. Everyday until it turns into two days…into months…years…into forever.
Maybe I should take my own advice…..thanks 🙂
One more day…not right now.
Thanks.
one more day just becuz ur worth it. becuz people care.
and on a note of not going to the ER keep superglue handy
My only daugther is a cutter and as her father it hurts me to see her in so much pain and choosing this way to deal with it. Now her arms are permanently scarred from her cutting. I have dressed her wounds many times and given her hugs and have told her that I love her. When I was younger I cut on myself one time very deep when I was feeling the pain of a love gone wrong. It seemes like relationships have never really worked out for me. My daughter was the victim of sexual abuse and when it came out, it was about the time she started cutting. Ironically, I have had the same past sexual abuse but kept it inside for so long that it affected my ability to trust and that is probably why my relationship have never worked out. I finally after all these years dealt with it and believe me when it came out, it was ugly and made me feel worthless because it all came back. But I made it through and have forgiven the person who touched me in that way. Now I can move on and I am free from carrying that shame. For whatever reason(s), you are cutting, you are carrying something that you shouldn’t. It wasn’t meant to be this way. Healing starts within our hearts and flows outward.