Christmas without you is hell…..we never had family to have over, or the money to have the “average” Christmas……but I miss going out of my way to get you a lot of nice gifts, because I enjoyed seeing you smile. And it always made your worthless scumbag of a husband angry bc the only reason why he even got that $10 gift card is bc you made me get him something…..a pile of shit in a box crossed my mind a few times……as crappy of a mother as you were, I always loved you with all my heart. You were my bestfriend. I knew you […]
Tag:
child
I had a hysterectomy at 23. I want a child more than anything. I have paid THOUSANDS of dollars to find a “birthmother” who will place her child with us. We haven’t been chosen.
My husband can’t stand to see me hurt. We are moving in 6 months and will have to give up our home study. He won’t go through it again. Which means this is the end. I don’t get another chance.
Ten years ago I paid $10,000.00 to be a part of an agency. We were matched with a baby girl then we got transferred. I couldn’t stand to move on. I just […]
My “friends” have been cut from my life because they always believed it was fair that they could get mad at each other, but I couldn’t get mad at either of them without severe punishment. My family is starting to act the same way. My sister will confront me and threaten me if I get mad at my mother or grandmother, and my mother will do the same if I get mad at my sisters. It’s not reciprocated though. If someone gets mad at me, nobody fucking cares. These people who are supposed to love me and care about me don’t listen when I try […]
So, I’m a full-time nanny. That means that I live with a family and take care of their child. I get paid $20 a week. I don’t get breaks and I’m expected to clean as well. Not so bad when you have no bills to pay. Or at least you would think. I took this job because I know the mother in high school and she helped me out with my prom fare and when my sister’s dog got hit by a car, she gave us a ride to the vet. So the first few months I was here, I decided to work for free […]
As a child my father abused me terribly and I never felt warm caring love from my parents. Deep in my heart I know they did in their own ways, they just didn’t know how to show it. My father told me I was ugly and would never make anything of myself. Well I did, I became an alcoholic just like him. I have been married 3 times with 2 kids and now I have 3 grandchildren. I am a generous giver, always doing for others but sometimes I need just a crumb from someone to show me they care. Maybe they don’t. It could […]
Well, this is my first post here and I might as well start off by telling everyone why suicide sounds pretty great right now. I’m not attracted to girls like guys should be. I’m not attracted to other guys either. Well, I kinda am. Guys between the ages 2 and 10. Yup you read that right.
Ok, let me explain some things first; a pedophile is NOT a child molester. I’ve never hurt a kid and I never will, because I have a conscience. I love kids, so I don’t see why I’d ever want to do something as horrible and selfish as raping one. Not […]
Hey guys I decided I would just share my story before coming to a final close. I am a nineteen year old male living in Austin who has become disgustingly depressed. I grew up what you would call a “perfect child,” as school work became my entire life. My parents are high class, high expectation type of people who get on my ass about every little negative detail about me. I feel like I have grown up a robot, and now I am waking up to see how tragic my life is like. I have been to wilderness program and a therapeutic boardinig school just […]
Hi, I live in Asia and currently a 23 years old male
I feel that my entire life is in constant loops of suffering. I do not have a normal family, and I am an illegitimate child. Yet, i always do not let my identity define myself. Apart fron that, i was always bullied in school, with people constantly calling me names. Because of that, I had a very low self esteem and always tried to avoid people. I did not participate in any activities, and always went home straight if there was no make up classes. I had a really bad 5 years in my […]
I didn’t realize I would write so much. TLDR: I’m doing poorly in my classes, I’ve relapsed pretty hard in terms of mental illness and self-harm, and I really, really want to stop the pain and disappointment and just kill myself, etc. etc.
(Fair warning, this entire post is very melodramatic.)
I am that horrible student who cannot accept anything less than an A. I am that piece of shit that needs a 4.0 to feel any sort of self-worth. I can’t even blame my parents anymore for this horrible mentality because I am not a child anymore. I am nearly 20, and though they care about […]
Employers can’t even f**king be honest about why they’re not hiring me. I’m definitely NOT “overqualified” to babysit someone’s child for two hours for just one day.
My life is more than fine, its actually great. I’m about to pay off all my student loans next year. I have a job that pays well with comprehensive benefits. My husband is amazing, and we grow closer every day. I have my own side business doing something I love. So, why can’t I seem to focus on the good?
Why am I so overcome by pain, sadness, emptiness, and fear that I can barely think about anything else besides the serenity of death? I just want to sleep, and sleep forever. I don’t want this life, and nothing in it seems worth waking up every morning for. […]
I’m sorry it’s a tad long but please read?
So I managed to stumble across ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’ roughly five days ago, and, although I vaguely knew what it was, I wasn’t entirely sure. As curiosity would have it, I looked up the definition and symptoms. And after reading the list on multiple sites, I’m beginning to feel like something like this may be what’s wrong with me.
Now I hate it when people self-diagnose, and this is pretty much the same as that, but I am genuinely concerned yet don’t want to self-diagnose. For one, I don’t want to have a mental illness (the hospital tried […]
Talking about the good moments of my childhood forces me to be both nostalgic and incredibly sad at the same time. I wish things were that simple because even though I didn’t have a particularly easy childhood, a child’s problems are so much less complex. Today I decided to text a friend that I haven’t spoken to in a while. We met through a therapy group and somehow we clicked, even though neither of us are the most vocal of people. But I feel like we understood the pain in each other’s eyes, in a way no one else could. We never told each other […]
I wrote a whole long spiel but in the end I’ll just reduce it to this:
Fellow people who didn’t grow up with *close* friends or *supportive* family, how have you created meaning in your life? I’ve always thought life’s meaning was what you made out of it– and I still do– but now I’m realizing you can’t make anything out of life if you don’t believe it could become a reality. And you can’t believe in a dream like that if you don’t believe in yourself. My problem is I don’t know how to believe in myself. I think psychological research has bolstered the theory […]
I’m so tired of everyone. All the obligations and responsibilities I inevitably have being the oldest child. Though I don’t think I am a child anymore. I have so many expectations to constantly live up to, and when I don’t, I become a failure in my familys eyes. I have a habit of not finishing what I start. School, by some miracle I graduated, though I wasn’t allowed to attend graduation or promotional because instead of expelling me, they just told me to not come back the last month of school in order to get my diploma. I went to the military after that. I […]
“SoCal, Belly, West-Coast, The Morlocks”
But still the sun shines
I don’t know, I don’t know
What I can find
The only way to follow
Is through another spirit
But I seek from the dark
The gold, the gold heart
Still on to a next sound
I’ve sung for three-hundred days
What more can I say in my abyss
I want to move forward, to evolve
I need a friend
The crevice of the beast in the web
I seek the golden, I am the iron
And there is a poison that destroys
Truth-reality, essence of Gaia inside of me
I listen to the flower of the […]
So I came across this site randomly whilst looking for ways to overcome anxiety and how to stop being a failure.
I had an amazing job, I screwed it up with my depression. I lost a baby back in 2011, a baby that was wanted so much. I had suffered with depression years before that but the minute I found out i was going to be a mum it was like my life was perfect and all the grey clouds had lifted. But there was a problem with the pregnancy and I had to terminate on medical grounds at 20 weeks. She wouldn’t survive, her lungs […]
I’ve always been an incredible writer. I was praised for my writing talents as a young child and still to this day. I am only 21, but I feel like I’ve lived forever. For some reason, writing (or typing) this is extremely hard right now. Maybe it’s because I’ve written a few suicide notes before and all it did was cause me to hurt others I care about rather than explain how I feel. I tend to think it’s a lack of understanding on their part, but my heart tells me it simply is me.
I guess this letter is to someone who I really, […]
Day after day… my heart gets heavy
day after day, water blinds my eyes, i cant bear it anymore
i feel like a tool, people turn on when they wanna have my body
am i just a body? i also have feelings… but day after day, my heart gets broken.
i dont believe in love neither in feeling, all i believe is in selfishness
all the fairy tales I’ve read and watched as a child… they’re far, far away from me.
i wanted to be your Cinderella,
and day after day, all i wanted was to be hugged.
I’m just a doll boy,a forgotten one.
when you want to touch me… it feels good, […]
Where do I start?? I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. No really as far back as I can recall I have never really been happy. I guess I could clue you in on all the bs that has led me here. But really it’s a story you’ve heard before. Maybe not all from the same person but pieced together from multiple people like some sort of f@$#!d up jigsaw puzzle. I’m obviously thinking about death (particularly mine). Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I don’t have any friends. There is really only one person (in the flesh) who is here for me. […]