Where do I start?? I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. No really as far back as I can recall I have never really been happy. I guess I could clue you in on all the bs that has led me here. But really it’s a story you’ve heard before. Maybe not all from the same person but pieced together from multiple people like some sort of f@$#!d up jigsaw puzzle. I’m obviously thinking about death (particularly mine). Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I don’t have any friends. There is really only one person (in the flesh) who is here for me. And this person is my biggest enabler. Yes I’m addicted to drugs. But this started waaaaaaay before the drugs. I have seen and done things no child should. I’m tired of messing up. Failing everything I do. I’m tired of putting my faith and love into people that use and manipulate and twist my heart to the point of me questioning my own sanity. I tired of giving them this power over me. I feel like cutting out the good that’s left inside of me and letting that mean and ruthless person takeover. But I don’t want that. Really I just want what I was promised. To be loved.
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5 comments
Cthulhupleasewake,
Being addicted to drugs doesn’t necessarily make one a bad person, but it does sound as if you are in a very complex position of having the only one you feel cares about you being your biggest enabler (as you said). Unfortunately, overcoming an addiction often means we must severe ties with those we have been close with if we feel those people are contributing to the problem. Of course, only you know if this would be necessary or if you would wish to do so.
I’m not sure about cutting out all the good in you, but the sad truth is that many people do find themselves allowing others to take advantage of them far too often. Unfortunately, we sometimes must modify our personalities and start being less nice to others when this happens in order to take care of ourselves – not nasty, mind you, but perhaps more selfish and more selective in who we choose to open up to.
L4Y
I know where your coming from > my whole childhod and teen years I was unhappy most of the time. I came from an abusive family and had low self esteem and didnt know how to take care o myself and I started getting into alcohol at a very early age and was an alcoholic buy the time I was 17 or 18. I had fake IDs to buy beer at the store and so forth. So I know a little what your going through.
Well first of all, turning into mean person will not get yo anywhere. I would start buy getting rid of the bad people in your life. People who have hurt you over and over. Just stop hanging around with them. As far as the drugs, I would try to get help getting off the drugs. Being on drugs will bring a mess of problems into your life. I have even had a fewf friends who have died of drug overdoses and its not pretty. There are drug treatmet centers and support groups for people battling additions look on the web for some help with that in your area.
Also you might want to see a Psychiatrist for the depression you are dealing with. You can tell a Psych doctor anything and its all confidential and they can help you out and get you nn some meds that can really help.
I see a Psychiatrist now and am on meds and they really help.
Im sorry to hear that things are bad for you at the moment but things can get much better.
just take one step at a time.
You might also want to start a journal and just write your thoughts down. Its a good way to express yourself and when you do you kindof get things out
counseling and some kind of support system is what you need too
Thanks you guys. When I do this on Facebook everyone freaks out. Ha ha jk. Even though I know I’m not the only one that feels like this it helps hearing it.
fill a void, find an intangible thing to fall in love with (music, video game, etc..)
and uh, nice name.
I like your little cathulhu (profile pic).