Gotta rely on sleeping pills to take me out of reality. Been in a shitty mood since Christmas Eve and can’t seem to shake it off. Repeating one of my mistakes which is not talking about my feelings and letting my bf think “what the fuck is wrong now” but fuck it Monday I’ll be back in Portland at my house and I’ll get fucked up in my room and sleep everything off and probably bring myself some kind of pain.
Tag:
Christmas Eve
I was over the edge and ready to jump — and you took my hand in yours. The past few days have been really nice, but especially tonight. Thank you for making an otherwise unbearable Christmas Eve more than okay. I hope you will stay.
Love, Eva
Hello there,
I’m not really sure how this is done so I suppose I’ll just go ahead and start off. (I apologize if it’s hard to follow.)
Uhm, well, I was actually raised relatively well, all things considered. Both parents were present, working, and in healthy condition. I was also the only child within the household.
Life was pretty privileged, normal, but rather quiet, as everyone mainly kept to themselves in the household. There weren’t any major conflicts or fights, and alot of my time, along with my father, was spent on the Computer, whether it ranged from activities such as educational programs or games or whatever I used […]
I’m 21 years old…a college dropout, jobless, single, and I got out of the hospital a few weeks ago after trying to hang myself. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 and PTSD in 2010 and every time I try to get help it fails. My meds aren’t working and the past two days have been an emotional nightmare as I’ve been preparing to take my life. I don’t want to be talked out of it either…I just want to share my thoughts before I do it.
I’ve been severely depressed since I was a young child. My father was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive […]
Recently I have been eating just like everyone else but making myself vomit after I have been doing this for the past week. I am developing bulimia… I can’t eat  now with out wanting or needing too throw up. I noticed tonight at dinner that I was starting off lightly on the food and towards the end I was stuffing my face and then going to the bathroom right after. This afternoon before lunch I stuffed my face with food and then throwing up shortly after. I haven’t been cutting but instead throwing up. I do not like how every time I eat all I […]
Well, the long awaited Christmas break started Friday and I dont feel any better. My hopes were that with 1o days off from school that i could pull myself together and maybe actually be happy again. I was wrong, of course. Dont get me wrong, Christmas Eve and Christmas were pretty great- probably the only happy days ill have for awhile. Ive basically been hounded by my family about school and grades (the cause of my depression relapse and suicidal thoughts) the entire break. My mom is putting pressure on me to do well so i can get into med school like i want and […]
I’m stuck here at my dads fiances house for the day to have a Christmas party. It’s just kinda awkward and I have been coming down from smoking earlier this morning. I just want/ need something to do, someone to talk to so I don’t have to sit here awkwardly all day. Really just want to go smoke and come back and eat them go the hell home to watch tv and sleep.
I’ve wanted to die since I was 17. That was the first time I tried but I was just sick all night.
I remember all the negative about the past and it is hard to concentrate on the positives.
I took speed a couple of weeks ago and felt like I had instant happiness. People said that I made them laugh. If only they knew how I want to be out of this eternal pain.
I have a friend who is always saying that she doesn’t eat properly. Well I don’t. I exist on nourishment drinks and bananas cos I have no appetite.
My psychiatrist is good. She is […]
I’ve probably had depression my whole life. It runs in my family, and I was diagnosed at age 13. I am now 18. When I was 13 years old and in the eighth grade, my mom passed away unexpectedly on the morning of Christmas Eve. I began seeing therapists, but it was too soon and I got frustrated and was not getting the help I needed. The very same day I lost my mom, I was forced out of my house by the police. My father, brother, and I had to find somewhere else to live. We moved 5 times between Christmas 2006 and May […]