I’m numb. No emotions, no feelings. Nothing.
I don’t care if I get hurt. I kick my toe, nothing.
I hit my head, nothing. I cut my wrists, nothing.
I don’t feel heart ache anymore. I don’t care if I cut to deep.
I don’t even care if my family find out what I write on here.
I’m 16 name is Chaifair, I live in a nothing town with people who just don’t care.
I’m over living my life like a happy little trooper. I’ve been faking my smile all day.
No one knows what goes on in my mind, because I don’t know either.
This is me by the way.
Alright, well my names Michaela.
And I am 18 years old.
I just got out of the hospital on Monday for my depression and suicidal ideations.
I have been begging and pleading for a specific persons help for a long time so i wont have the feeling and urge to kill myself.
But he has been treating me like shit, putting me on the side and making me feel worthless.
I have had it.
He was the only thing […]
I haven’t been here for a while. And honestly, when I came back, I wasn’t expecting much of any attention. I nearly thought this was going to be like facebook, with people saying ‘oh u shuldn’t b sad all the time u shuld b happi!’ but no.
Instead? People are supportive. Encouraging to live, not die. I was wrong about this place. Maybe this is a new leaf being turn? Or some sort of phrase like that, I don’t know..
But for those who are/may be concerned, life has gotten to a standstill. I’m neither happy nor sad on this year’s holidays. Maybe it’s for the best […]
I find it really hard to let go and say what I want on this site I guess because I don’t do it at all and if I do it’s once in a blue moon but right now my thoughts are racing and I want to speak freely.
This week hasn’t been to great for me and I’m feeling indifferent about it, I haven’t been able to focus on my work and have been getting very little sleep I guess it’s because last year around Christmas is when my depression was worse than normal. I was reflecting  to last year when I got depression, I remember […]
is this site real, its my first time here. today 20 children were murdered in ct, usa. it is very sad to hear this happening. christmas is almost here and i have no money, i have 3 beautiful daughters that i cant afford to feed let alone buy gifts for christmas. i lost my job in november i have terrible credit and im behind on my rent. i have tried so hard to make things good and i always lose everything. im not suicidal but im very ready to go. i have nothing to live for, i look forward to sleep so i can dream. […]
This past month ive had a relapse of depression. I was depressed as a kid (age 7-10) and now I’m depressed again (age 15). The reason for my relapse is frustration and stress at school with grades and such. It has escalated so quickly. I think of suicide most of the time. Today at school when i was walking in the hall i saw a sign out of the corner of my eye and one of the words read “Suicide” and did a double take and the word was gone. I guess i hallucinated. Anyway, i was never diagnosed with depression and i want to […]
My hanging is still a plan. When I will go through with it is undecided. It will not be now. I have too much to do for the holidays, and things that i must deal with and take care of.
I have an ex that i need to deal with when the new semester starts in a few weeks.
I NEED to deal with that before i can leave this earth.
The hardest part though will be hurting my mother… She is the only thing that will hold me here.. ( ill write about her later if your curious)
But i am not worrying about that now, because for […]
K, made it through today, still on the right track, my child is so delighted to have me visit with her for Christmas, she is genuinely happy to have me stay with her, and I am genuinely happy to be staying with her. One day at a time, one moment at a time. I have faith (even if I am not feeling it much) in my mind I keep telling myself it will all work out, it will all come together and I will get that job and be able to move and support myself. I am putting my faith in my […]
xx
I am kind of enjoying a rare peaceful moment…the hour is almost midnight, I am in my bedroom and the window is cracked to let in the cold brittle air of this winters night in yet I hear only the softest of rain patter. It is calming, and the waft of water is cleansing as I breath it in.
Earlier today I was stressed with resume writing for a job I don’t even want to apply for. Then I found a different post and thought, yes, I could do this, and it was easier to write to the qualifications this posting wanted! […]
I am 20 and a student at stevens institute of technology for mechanical engineering. i dont know why i feel like this, it all started last year around christmas time. i began to feel very depressed but i treated it like everything else about me i dont like, i covered it up. It escalated over that semester and through the summer. now im in my third semester and im slipping to the point of failure in every class. if i dont pass all of these classes i will be asked to not return to the school, which is not an option. Ive pledged a fraternity and they […]
My parents started to fight ever since I could remember. Â My father was abusive to my mother, not to me though. Still he screamed at me, kept me up all night telling me I was just a kid. HE broke chairs, smashed the house, broke my stuff, and hurt my mother very badly. I joined drama class at school, and he told me I couldn’t act. He crushed my dreams, and makes me feel worthless. All of my school days I have been bullied. The called me names, took away my jacket when it was cold, called me a lesbian, a wore, a fucking loser, […]
Happy Holidays.
Its that time of year.. I will probably cry every night..
last chirstmas i had EVERYTHING
this christmas i will have NOTHING
story of my life..
wish i wouldnt mind to have end..
Yah no i feel a whole lot better. Glad i joined this .thanks everyone for saving me . Y’all mean alot have a safe holiday and merry christmas && a happy new year loves take care . I hope you all Change your mind. <3 with love , hailey <333
*I once tried to cut myself out of my life ,, so..
yeah…. IÂ went there- & tried that..
December 11th, 2009,,,
2 weeks be4 Christmas..
yuck.. an awful mess
I made of all..
but?
I’m posting this 3 years after-the-fact..
There’s much to learn about Love..
& there’s much to love about life!
..it’s profound *& beautiful..
I know you’ll see Clearly..
*just stick around!
Posting for you all
Please share this.
Enjoy..
Peace!
~v~
..V
http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/popup-frame.html
It’s 9:48 AM and all I remember from last night was me sitting in my room, crying, and contemplating death. I remember me sitting there on my bed looking at the pile of pills calling my name. I sometimes think that I think to much, but maybe I don’t, maybe I think about the bad stuff to much. I decided that I should start thinking about everything positive in my life. There are people out there dealing with way bigger problems than mine. Some people are dealing with cancer, somebody’s parents died, they’re brother or sister died, and some people are starving. My life is […]
I hate this time of year. Then again I hate every day. It is all torture. From foster home to orphanage to terrible home I jump, waiting, praying till I turn 18. People tell me it gets better and i’ll b happy soon. But does it really and how do they know?
I was taken to a new home for this holiday season. The couple has lots of money and the mother is a doctor but she can’t have kids so she chose me. Lucky me right? No. I’d rather b a million other places. The one thing I can tell u about this house… the basement is cold […]
Read on my fellow crazies. Let’s see, where to start? I guess the beginning. When I was five, my parents got divorced. Not a big deal right? Tons of parents get divorced and a lot of kids get to visit every other weekend or something. Well my dad packed me, my two sisters, and little brother up and brought us all the way from Ohio to New Hampshire. Leaving my mom behind. I got to see her in the summers and Christmas break for a week or so. My second-to-oldest sister had an over-eating disorder and was the first to move out of that madhouse to […]
When I was diagnosed bipolar in 2007, my life was greatly devastated. Since 2002 I was taking online screening for depression on a pretty often basis and finding I was considered “severley depressed.” Now I was being told that sometimes I’m extremely happy? When have I ever been happy? I was hospitalized for 3 days a day after the first Christmas my Grand-Mother passed away when I was diagnosed by this hospital as bipolar. I could understand if I may have falsey put on a smile when saying hello to a nurse in passing but, it doesn’t even sound logical that I was happy. I […]
R.I.P
I feel so sorry for her.She made ONE mistake that ruined her life.
She was on webcam to new people to make more friends and to chat.And a group called her stunning pretty ect.Then asked her to flash she thought nothing of it and did it.The into the christmas break she got a msg saying “show me or i send your boobs” she ingored it then at 4am the police knocked on the door because that man sent the picture to everyone.She was hated so bad she had to move school.And again in one school she thought a boy liked her and they […]