This past month ive had a relapse of depression. I was depressed as a kid (age 7-10) and now I’m depressed again (age 15). The reason for my relapse is frustration and stress at school with grades and such. It has escalated so quickly. I think of suicide most of the time. Today at school when i was walking in the hall i saw a sign out of the corner of my eye and one of the words read “Suicide” and did a double take and the word was gone. I guess i hallucinated. Anyway, i was never diagnosed with depression and i want to go get diagnosed now. I want help because i know that i will end up killing myself before i graduate high school if i dont. My depression gets worse every day because every day more and more stress and frustration from school is added to my burden. The problem is that i dont know how to tell my dad. Its christmas time and i dont want to break his heart. I should be happy because its the holidays, right? But im not and that makes me feel even worse. I’m also the type of person who is too proud to ask for help when they need it so its really hard for me. I’ve been trying to tell him since Monday and its now Thursday. Ive had many opportunities but i just chicken out. Do you guys have any advice?
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5 comments
The fact that you’re trying to tell him says that you want to help yourself. A part of you wants to survive and live a beautiful life. That’s a wonderful thing. Find strength in that. You could even just start with “I need help. I’ve been thinking about ending my life.”
Getting diagnosed isn’t going to rid you of it. Just talk to someone you trust wholeheartedly. Good luck.
I know it wont rid me of depression but it can help me. A part of me wants to live and have a great life but the part of me that wants to die is starting to take control of my life and i know that getting diagnosed and treated will at least help me to get back on the right track.
You could break it to him a bit more gently by leaving out the word suicide..
My family freaks out if I mention that word, but they will talk about the depression part anytime..
(just make sure they still know how deep your depression is by using other words if possible..)
Yeah, I think you’re right about getting assessed and treated. Go sooner rather than later. But be selective; this therapist must take you very seriously and treat you with deep respect. They must be frank with you about how they see your situation and you must feel safe enough to be frank back.
But maybe just start by going NOW. Try to get a good referral. Think about whether you’d work better with a male or female therapist. Make sure that while your father be apprised in the event of an emergency, you would otherwise feel that the therapy was confidential. Truly, good for you for seeing what needs to be done. In fact, you are so good at that that you are actually taking care of your father’s feelings about Christmas and taking so much responsibility for his feelings that you are suppressing your own very important, clear ideas!