So, being sick and tired of my life I decided to do something about it, or rather, try again. Not try to make it better but just to end it. After all, since there’s no meaningful purpose to my life I figured there wasn’t any point in prolonging the pain and suffering.
I had bought all I needed for “BBQ for one” (carbon monoxide poisoning) and went to the outhouse to prepare.
Here I fired up under the charcoal and had it be nice and glowing to emit maximum nice and deadly CO.
I had the coal in a chimney starter and was standing outside […]
Tag:
Coal
In a state of perfect suspension
Floating in undetermination
Waves of anxiety growing
Drowning and dying in frustration
Death on my face barely showing
Losing myself in the painful sea
Undefined creature torture to be
Forever shifting in unmade Mind
Unsure of any reality
My created world now to me lies
Kill me now, my doubted creator
Unbalanced, uncompensated I suffer
Unknowingly giving all my heart
I am ever unable to conquer
This infectious hope of a new start
Confusion seeps in and soaks my soul
Unable to understand the whole
Torturous cycle never ending
Thousand fire burnt heart black as coal
Light my apathetic soul defeating
Peace, that […]
i was not cut out for this world. i dont know where to start so i wont im sure you have all heard it before anyway. does it ever get easier to accept? im such a coward because i know i can do it i know i can cut open a vein or suffocate myself with coal its fast its easy but im so afraid that if i back out half way then what? walk around explaing the scars or brain damaged from the fumes of the coal? does this mean i still have a sparkle of fight in me? todat i tried hard to […]
the plan: or how I put the coal in my xmas stocking to good use
I don’t feel much better today. I think my issue is more chemical than I realized. I went out with some friends last night for dinner and it was simply amazing. We had a great time, laughing and talking (i was high though; couldn’t face a human face without raising my mood from my suicide note mood).
I really want to quit smoking but, I remember too well what life was like before. It’s the same as it is now, only I’m ignorant of more things. I smoke and I notice […]