I just don’t want to do this anymore

i was not cut out for this world. i dont know where to start so i wont im sure you have all heard it before anyway. does it ever get easier to accept? im such a coward because i know i can do it i know i can cut open a vein or suffocate myself with coal its fast its easy but im so afraid that if i back out half way then what? walk around explaing the scars or brain damaged from the fumes of the coal? does this mean i still have a sparkle of fight in me? todat i tried hard to figure out if sleeping pills really work (thats how i found this site) they don’t…i just want it to be over why is that so hard to ask? there should be an easier way