I grow up with my mom yelling at me my dad coming home drunk, high, he would come home angry, he would always attack me or my brother or even my mom. I guess all the anger and sadness i have in me is because of him he abandon my family. These past few years have been the roughest i haven’t seen him in 4 years. I wont see him for another 8 he got arrested. My mom and my me havent been getting along always blaming me for everthing it sad when your own mom even says she doesnt want to be alive because […]
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Coming Home
First, the blah blah. Â My mother wanted nothing to do with children, I was the only one she had that survived. Â The rest were aborted, but by the time she was pregnant with me in the late 1960s, with her being 34, she disappeared for days looking for someone to terminate the pregnancy. Â Finding no-one who would, and being a doctor herself, she tried various abortifacients (substances and treatments to induce abortion) on her own. Â Today, you can even easily find such things, though not labeled as such, at health food stores. Â That didn’t work, though I was sufficiently damaged at birth that I was […]
In 1993 I committed suicide. It came after years of attempts, and it came not from a long, considered planning process but by sheer circumstance. Looking for one thing I found another. A precursor of sorts. Combined with something else at hand the deed was done. Just before losing consciousness the phone rang. Not knowing I was about to pass out I answered the phone. Then I passed out. When I woke up in an ICU the next day I was angry. So angry that I ripped out the IVs and stalked out of the unit with a gaggle of nurses trailing behind me. I […]
So, I couldn’t access this website for like a week so I started a blog  theventingspace.blog.com . Self harm is a pretty common thing for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I started cutting in February of 2012, I was self harming in different ways before that but nothing that was visible. I took laxatives, I had unhealthy relationships, I drank too much, and going wayyyy back to my early childhood( the only other time it was visible) I pulled out all my eyelashes and eyebrows and blamed it on an episode of Punky Brewster.  Now why would someone start cutting so late in life? I […]
My best friend is in Ohio, and I’m stuck here in New Jersey. He’ll only be there for a week, and he’s coming home on Friday, but then I’m going to Pennsylvania for a few days with my Dad to see two bands (Skillet + Hawk Nelson). He doesn’t have internet, and I certainly won’t. He’s my lifeline, the only concrete reason I live for. Sure, I could say that I live for the breathtaking surrealness when you go to a concert, and see the band(s) that you’ve listened to at your darkest moment. Or that I live for fireworks on the 4th of July. […]
Dear Jackie,
You know I love you. I love you with all my heart. I’m so proud of you, and congratulations on having your baby last night. She is beautiful. I remember the fights we used to have, and coming home being scared out of my mind by you. I remember the countless times that you were thrown out of the house. Thank you for being my role model. Thank you for watching all of those gory, bloody, violent, rated R movies with my when I was six. Thank you for letting your friend come into my room to molest me wen I was little. I […]
Dear Reader,
My Grandpa committed suicide when he was 75 years old. He took his life in 2005, and my Dad found him. My Father. found. him! I, a 15 year old, watched as my Dad crumbled into a million pieces, literally broke down. A 6’3″ italian goomba fell to his knees in pain over the loss of his own father. My grandma was frozen in shock, numb to the fact her husband (going on 50 years) was no longer coming home after work, or bringing her white daisy’s on Sundays, or laughing to get her to smile. He was gone. Forever.
My grandpa had three beautiful […]
Well, I am here now, after I couldn’t figure out where to go finally I found this site, and I hope this is gonna help me.Â
I had severe depression for two and a half-three years. My story started when I turned four or five, my brother started to act weird. First he was hurting me all the time, he was nine at the time, but it was okay, this is no big deal between siblings. I was always the type of kid who is playing alone and trying to stay out of trouble. My brother started to fight with my parents, first it wasn’t […]
I tried ending my life on Friday by connecting a garden hose to my exhaust pipe and into my car window. Â I could not get a good seal and could not get the exhaust to go through the hose properly. Â I became frustrated and drove home. Â I’m against the idea of having my spouse coming home to discover my body, but I sat in the closed garage for about an hour with the car running. Â Nothing happened. Â I finally gave up and crawled into bed.
The next morning I learned that an extended member had killed himself pretty much the same time as I was failing […]
I honestly don’t know where to begin. I know this isn’t where I thought I would be, at 34. Writing an anonymous blog about how the scope of my life suddenly seems meaningless.  I’m tired of smiling on the outside when I’m crying on the inside. I’m tired of helping people through all their misery and pain, yet they forget to help me when I’m in need. I’m tired of work, and the stress it has caused me — but I’ve gone too far. I’m too accomplished that leaving would cause all the would-be supporters to clamor, “you’re such an idiot for throwing away your career.” […]
My name is B and I’m lost. I don’t think it’s even possible to be found anymore. You see, I came out of the factory broken. I’m just one of those people that bad things happen to. It’s a fact of life, one I always just accepted. But these past few years have been making it harder to trudge on. I get better, then get worse, then seem to get better again before I fall into a deep dark pit. I can’t tell anyone around me that I need help. I can’t let them know I’m not perfect. I feel like admitting that would make […]
It’s hard to admit there is something wrong. It’s hard trying to put all my emotions into words. It’s frustrating that I don’t truly understand what’s wrong with me, therefore it is difficult for others to understand. I lost the respect for my mother when I was in seventh grade. Freshman year my father hit me and choked me and my mother just watched. I stopped talking to my family completely because I knew they didn’t wanna hear what I wanted to say. I am a junior in high school now and I had to switch schools this past year. Have you ever felt surrounded […]
Life’s complicated, yes, we all know that. That’s not the only reason we want to do or even try to do what we do.
I feel worthless, stupid, ugly, fat, I feel like a loser, you name it. I felt it all. Being a teenager is a lot more complicated than adults think, especially nowadays. Classes are harder, technology makes it hard to get away from those people we want to get away from, and people are just a lot more cruel. And to those kids who have to do sports and keep grades up, it’s a lot harder than it sounds. Having the responsibilities we […]
I look at your twitter; the old tweets you tweeted.
I know Your favorite things.
From Your favorite baseball team, to Your favorite meal.
Babe Your voice, still it rings.
I know what You say
I know how You feel.
Boy there is no way that You and I can’t be
we’re so close to perfect for eachother..
Yes We had our problems..
but everytime We fixed it
Things got even better!
I know everything about You
Where You want to live, the name of Your first born son.
If only she knew
About the days that you almost ran.
Sweetheart, can’t You see?
You and I are meant to be.
The puppy You’ll get, the life you plan to leave.
You saved […]
The first time I tried to commit suicide I was relatively young. Thinking back, I’m not sure why I tried. I just got so tired of living. It’s not that I had no friends, I had a bunch, but I didn’t really have any real ones. I knew my friends talked about me behind my back, we all did. It wasn’t the fact that they did it, it was just that they said such horrible things about me and acted so nice to me. Then another something happened at home. My mom and I fought so much, it was horrible. She would scream, yell, tell me […]
After coming home from school, my ride dropped me off at my sisters smoothie shop. There my sister barely talked to me, and barely made any eye contact with me. I tried acting normal and trying to talk to her,but she wouldnt say anything.  I sat at one of the tables ani took out my books to do my homework. My sister said someing and i didnt hear her so i asked her to  repeat it. Then she started to say all this shit about me. She started saying things such as, youre a disgrace, im embarrassed to call you mysister, youre inresponsible,  and you […]
Me?
I am a 14 year old girl in the verge of giving up her whole life away. I don’t seem to sound like Amanda Todd or any other teenage obsessed love seeking little *****. But there’s nothing left in my life I can hold on to. Everything around me feels so bland. I don’t tend to have reasons for what I do. There is not purpose left for me. I am tired, and lonely.
I am a child abuse case, ever since I was 9 year old my parents started abusing me. Beating me up to shreds, channel their frustration in me. I lost my […]
Seriously?
That’s what it comes down to?
For those of you who don’t know SP chat used to be a great place to vent, find friends, even be yourself. But the tides have changed. An influx of immature Moderators and Admins has made it a living hell. No one can get along when there is always a side to be chosen. The chat was closed TWICE last night. Whatever happened to talking it out?
When the chat closes you aren’t just making the people fighting angry you make EVERYBODY angry. Â Oancu needs to learn to stop complaining all the time, and let someone else speak. Custard. STOP DEFENDING HER. […]
In 2002, I was in 8th grade, and that was the first time I started thinking about killing myself. It’s also when I started hurting myself. Things got a little better in high school, so I was just self mutilating day-to-day. Then as a senior in December of 2006 I ate a shit ton of aspirin, and ended up in the hospital after my first real suicide attempt. My favorite part was when I got home and my step mom asked me if I was ‘stupid or something’, because ‘everyone knows’ that aspirin is a blood thinner and actually makes you more jittery and awake, […]
Volcanoes are windows into the violent nature of our planet; what goes on beneath our feet, unbeknownst to all but those who poke at rocks. Our planet is violent because it was born into a violent, indifferent universe governed by determinism and scientific laws. It’s no wonder there’s a molten core driving the living systems of the earth.
Human beings are much the same. The only difference is that we’re not indifferent. Maybe the universe implicitly hates its own apathy. Who knows?
When I was 14, I watched my father drag my sister up a flight of stairs by her hair. He beat her with a […]
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