I am so sorry I didn’t see your email. Reminds me of Patch Adams. (Rent the movie if you haven’t seen it.) That sounded like a bot attempting to answer, not a real person. Pathetic.
Reach out if you wish.
Tag:
Countdown
I can’t do this.
With every new experience, everything I do, I just get broken down more by how stupid the world is.
I always thought I got out of my parents’ house, faced my fears, I’d be ok. That everything would get better. But now I’m moved out and everything still sucks.
Boyfriend is away for two and a half weeks. It hasn’t even been one and I’m meh and depressed and mad. He said we’d talk “lots.” Lots for us is constantly. We’ve barely talked at all. I’ve talked to his older brother more than to him. And mostly I’m just mad at his parents for […]
I decided on Nov 18, 2012, that I did not have 1 single happy day (or half day, or real significant moment of relief) that I would wait 365 days and if things had not improved (i.e., the happy moment), that I was done here, my work completed, and that I would just check out.
I have a great job, a nice family and all that “people strive” for – in fact, I feel selfish writing this post because I know full well that I am not hard done by…. but I lost the one. Not only did I lose her, but I made it happen, […]
Kenny and I had/have a love like none other. We lived to love, laugh and make each other happy, and we exceeded that everyday for over 9 years. On 2/4/12 Kenny proposed to me and I thought that was the happiest day of my life, but everyday after that only got better. Kenny was the spice of life. Everything that Kenny did was amazing because he had that enthusiasm that made everything amazing. Then it all ended…
3/5/13 started out like any day. Kenny sent me a text to say he was up and I responded in my normal way “Good morning baby – I love […]
How do I write a suicide note? What do I even say? How do I describe and make others see this pain that just wouldn’t go away? How can I put them in my place–how do I make them see that only in committing this selfish act I could truly have peace? How do I make them understand that this is the way it had to be? What can I say to make them know the problem with my life is that it was lived by me?
I feel like tonight is the night. I counted down for three weeks… hoping, waiting, wishing, dreaming, believing that […]
My name is B and I’m lost. I don’t think it’s even possible to be found anymore. You see, I came out of the factory broken. I’m just one of those people that bad things happen to. It’s a fact of life, one I always just accepted. But these past few years have been making it harder to trudge on. I get better, then get worse, then seem to get better again before I fall into a deep dark pit. I can’t tell anyone around me that I need help. I can’t let them know I’m not perfect. I feel like admitting that would make […]
I’m alone. Sad, tired of trying, of living. Tired of waking  up to a bright happy world, and seeing nothing except grey, and things only I can see, hearing sounds of joy, but only hearing the voices of my despair. Franks gone now. Replaced, forgotten. Austins here. He’s just as bad. Eyes are staring, watching with a pointed loaded gun,  or a knife waiting for the right time. I am forgotten, none cares for the sake of me, waiting for the right time. 17. The magic number. 15, countdown. They say if I die, I’ll be back in my world, back in Hallaqu, with Austin, and Goob, Frank, and 200. My […]
(warning, may be a little too real for some)
7 years ago
you were taken away, i was scrreaming, crying…
5 years ago
my first visit to you, i had to be pulled out and taken to a mental hospital. at 8 years old.
2 years ago
i went to visit again…you saw my cuts, and silently cried. i walked out.
1 year ago
i wrote a letter to you…the gaurds dident give it to you.
3 months ago
i promised to write you.
1 month ago
i joined sp, giving up all hope.
10 minutes ago
i stARted writing this.
now
i hope to end it. now.
*goodnight*
I haven’t been on this website since April. Holy moly is that ever a long stretch.
Just needed something to vent onto.
I’ve had a countdown for 200+ days until my friend came home from a school exchange from Spain. She came home on the 22nd, I was very excited to see her.
On the 20th of June I had surgery on my throat and nose, that caused me a lot of pain that I am extremely good at hiding. I was and still am in constant pain but no one ever comments on it because they think I am just that strong. Â I found […]
I set a date for myself last week. I’ve been counting it down since then, day-by-day.  Every day that I count down makes me feel almost…hopeful.  What irony, huh?  I don’t know whether I’m going to be able to follow though, when the time comes, but I’m seriously going to try. I’ve been making concrete plans and actually doing things to make come about.  I won’t give away the actual method (since we’re not really supposed to do that here), but let’s just say it’s going to be as quick as possible, with little chance for any mistakes.Â
I’m trying not to be selfish about this, […]
I wanted to call him so badly. I hurt him telling my story and my addiction of self harm. He needed to hear my voice and i needed to hear his. But i couldnt call him because my parents would hear the conversation. They know nothing about him or my problems. They don’t need to know and they probably don’t give a shit. They are part of the problem too anyways. I asked him how he was really feeling. And he answered with lonely. I feel horrible. I feel lonely everyday and i don’t want him to feel that pain. I don’t know the future […]
I just slept for a long time, but all I can say is that right now I feel exhausted.
I’m tired of everything in my life at the moment.
I’m tired of the endless monotony of school and exams. I have a countdown to summer in my Planner, but knowing I still have 95 days does not do a lot to comfort me.
I’m tired of people, and the person I’m expected to be.
I’m tired of myself, and the person I’m too afraid to be.
I’m tired of the fact that everywhere I’m just not good enough anymore.
I can’t do anything properly and just fuck it all up when […]