A family who constantly makes things worse for you. Call you harmful names that push you over the edge every night.
Friends who see what’s happening to you but never speak up. No matter how many hints you give they will never help.
Teachers who see you struggling but look the other way.
Coworkers who see your smile fading each day yet never ask questions.
Why?
I’ve been fighting off my own severe depression for 29 years, rather successfully, with an attitude that depression isn’t real, and thoughts about ending my life are just me being weak and unable to handle problems. But this tactic worked better when I was younger with opportunity ahead of me and the “my future will be bright” keeping me going; now that I’m 29, over educated and underemployed, fighting off depression with sheer will is becoming harder and harder, and the suicidal plans come easier and are more realistic and acceptable in my mind.
It’s less than day to day now; it’s hour to […]
I am so much luckier than the rest of you. Though my suffering is constant and agonizing
mentally, and stabbing aching physically- I am easily distracted. I have not been through the horrors you have, and I haven’t 10minutes of downtime in my day. I can lose focus, breath unrestricted for a few moments each day. I am only slightly suicidal. I have yet to cut myself. This is because I am shallow and I have a reputation to uphold- to my family, my classmates, my teachers, my coworkers, officials I need to impress…..
I am so much luckier than the rest of you. And for […]
so the manager acts all nice on the phone to my mom saying how she really likes me. lies! if u really liked me you would treat me with respect and i probably wouldnt hate you. Really wanting to quit still. i have these irrational thoughts thati cant drop. how everyone knows im awkward and stuff well now it sounds stupid but i cant change how i feel it just wont go away!  infact these feeling arent entirely irrational  because my stupid manager  called me shy and nervous a couple of times and infront of my coworkers. little does she know jow sensitive i am […]
Hello happy and sad people,
I’ve been reading threads on this site for almost two years now. There were so many posts I could totally relate to the stories. Call it paranoia, I didn’t join this site until yesterday for fear of being monitored considering many folks are on a witch hunt to shut down or debunk Web sites like this one. I don’t want fuktards attempting to track me and feel like its their mission to “save” me.
Sometimes I’m at a point where I don’t give a fuck anymore. I feel it’s time for me to share in this community. Very recently a manager took […]
You know, I’m married to a wonderful man.
But all good people have a limit too. They will shut down also if they are constantly bombarded with negativity, bad bosses, bad coworkers, shitty clients, shitty company policy, problems in the home, depressed & suicidal wife….
I think him and my kids are the only reason I haven’t done anything. That and how outsiders will view them if I did anything to bring them down. They can not experience what I have in my past. Not them. Please not them.
But when I’m alone, I want it all to end.
I’m tired of being sick. Physically and mentally tired of being sick. Some […]
I just cant see a reason to go on.
I have lost everything in the recession. I was lucky and found a new job in a new place. I found a job I loved. I was a respected professional. I was doing so well. Had my life back on track. I befriended a coworker. We were both in a new city and both new with the company.
I had a new home with a yard for my dogs. Slowly our friendship grew and we both helped each other to do amazing at our new jobs. I started […]
I just keep thinking about suicide. I don’t explicitly have a plan yet, but I have a general idea of what to do. I know we aren’t allowed to talk about this on the board, but even if we were, I’m not sure if I want my mind changed and I don’t want to be stopped. I told myself I’d give myself until I turned 30, but that seems overly generous now. I don’t know when, but I can’t see myself carrying on for that long. I’m not a human being. If I were, I’d feel loved and worthwhile. There would be a point to […]
So I finally in past months accepted the fact I’m bad person/human being. Why am I, well many things. I have either been told these things by random people or overheard them saying it and noticed most of it myself. I am in general unlikable, most people are very insincere to me. Most people ignore me or distance themselves. Even in best times when I was trying to be upbeat and involved in making things in my life better people still seemed to since something. I was overweight till 21(260 plus pounds), lost weight(135 pounds). Didn’t change much, I just developed a eating disorder that […]
i can’t control how it feels and functions. I alter its actions if i try hard enough but i rarely have the strength. i want one thing but my body usually wants another. i wish my brother were never born so i wouldnt feel obligated to take care of him, but my body says i love him. i want to be a swinging polygamist for the rest of my days but my body says im afraid of people, women especially. i want careers, cars, cash and success but my body says theres no value in that; that i must be with people to be happy. […]
I lost the most important person to me. my grandma. i handled most of it well. i stayed strong for my family. i kept everyone postive and focused while she was dying. but upon  her death i got stupid drunk and started asking for ridiculous shit from people close to  me dumping even more budens on them. i did this under the guise of anxiety and with the understandng that i wouldnt remember.  i dont think that the shit ive asked from my friends or family was too bad but, it extended to my coworkers.  now, they all know that im a ridiculous drunk. i […]
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