i just made the previous post i apologise for my behaviour yeh i was in a deep coma for over a week and near death i came out of it i went into it with such megolomania and expierences i cant explain but i still want to say i feel and know in my heart nothing is to fear and love is forever no point going into it looll
I’m new to this, so how do I begin? How does one simply begin to tell their story? Perhaps I’ll wait. Share little by little. My story is too long anyway… And it’s probably really boring.
I guess I should introduce myself, huh?
I’m Ciara, I’m Irish and I’m 15. What more can I say? Should I go into detail here?
I guess I could tell you a little about myself and about why I’m here.
I’m a writer. Obviously not a professional one. I mean… I am only 15… And I’m pretty terrible at writing. But I enjoy it. That’s all that matters, I guess. When I […]
You don’t have to read the rest of this, I just couldn’t help myself once I started. The questions in the title!
Right now I want to die. I’ve never felt it this strongly before. But then that stupid feeling of how it will affect my family keeps creeping in. Any ideas on how to get over it.
I keep fantasizing about death. It makes me smile now. And I feel like I should kill myself now before the other girl comes back. The girl who is smarter, possibly. The girl who will always be too chicken to go through with it. But right now I need […]
were are we but we were always drifting drifting cold and barren as the deepest ocean trench  alone and we all sink we sink so deep so soft and weak alone to the bottom scraping mud and sifting endlessly we were all born alone and cold and the warmest truth is that we will always die alone and cold. We are but drifting wood born to sink to the bottom. Water
Today, once everyone leaves me alone, I think I’ll cut. Nobody ever took away my knife when they found out about my depression.
I though I would stop cutting, but I really feel very guilty for some reason. I feel like I smother her. If I didn’t dive in too deep with her, if I didn’t fall so deeply into love with her, maybe she would still care for me. It’s my fault.
if i just disappeared,
would you know?
would you care?
would you look for me there?
i know you would search,
you’d fail, but you’d try,
and you’d cry,
for this horrible loss,
of a shadow that lost
it’s battle with life,
i tried oh so hard,
but i failed,
life derailed,
down the suicide path,
it was painless and fast,
i didn’t want to last,
and now Im gone,
and you cry for me,
you cut deep,
and you weep,
and you lose lots of sleep,
but you slowly move on,
and you no longer care,
about the girl who should not have been […]
I really do not understand the point of life if once we leave here we’re suppose to have some deep understanding of why everything is the way it is. If we already knew this before we came here then why the hell were we put here? Perhaps to make connections  that already existed before we came here, or maybe learn life lessons? If so, this also doesn’t make sense because we would have already achieved the state of knowing before being put here. Imagine being able to know everything. This could range from how many strands of hair exist on our heads to something miraculous […]
When your 15 and thinking about death everyday, as a release in life , the probability that you will live long seems to get slimmer by the day. The only things holding me here seem to be fear and family, but I think these things will disappear with time. However, having read what people post here I feel like a cowardly little thing who doesn’t have a clue what she’s on about. Â But after coming home everyday and feeling like the good no longer cancels out the bad in my life everything seems pointless. The only problem is that my depression has me gagged and […]
Theres fire in her eyes,
And a spark in her soul.
There’s flames in her mind,
And her heart is a hole.
There’s an ocean in her eyes,
And a waterfall pouring down her face.
There’s a deep blue color within them,
As the tears began to race.
There’s no hope in her eyes,
No faith in her heart.
There’s nothing left to cling to,
As her world is falling apart.
This sums up how I am feeling more than anything else: “how do you pick up the threads of an old life? Â How do u go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? Â There are some things time cannot mend. Â Some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold.”-Frodo Baggins.
Hey everyone,
I’m new to this “posting” online to strangers but I guess we’re not since we all have something in common. Which is suicide. Recently my ex-girl friend left me completely, and she is out of my life forever now…. I fell in love with her again before it happened… torn me up inside really badly. After that happened, I fell into a dark depression and felt suicidal through the months since November 2013. I still am today and the thoughts are coming back. I let go […]
I don’t know if anybody cares, but clearly by the poetry I’ve written I have issues. Nobody cared to comment, so I guess I’m not cared about at all. I have been told to go die in a hole my sister, my dad has told me that EVERYTHING is my fault, and we won’t even get started on my mom. My family is not abusive in anyway. Just verbally when they’re mad. I have ADD and insomnia. I’m a good kid. I don’t get in trouble. I love God. But for some reason, every time I close my eyes I see the evil that I […]
The deep and uncontrollable need for that pure dark silence…Â The blissfull absence of all senses…Â I want it, but I know I am not allowed…
On a good day, the suicidal thoughts used to roam my mind on and off through out the day. At night, while in bed, no matter what I did, my mind would wander to the topic. The medication has helped…a lot, but now, with the weather being so unpredictable with rain coming and going and the humidity, my body is contributing to the reasons “why not” and is pushing past the barrier so carefully constructed by the various pills I […]
Another day, another page
Counting down
Another tear, another fear
Coming to an end
My book is worn and frayed
Focusing only on mistakes I have made
I can’t help but cry
The scars run so deep
Just like a river
Tears bring me to sleep
Behind this smile
is an empty soul
Behind these eyes
coloured charcoal
Behind every word
Behind every thought
Behind every scar
Worthy of life I’m not
To be loved is earned
To be forgiven is yearned
To be rejected is pain
To be forgotten…
Like a midsummer rain…
Floating on a cloud
Drifting away into the blue sky
Sleeping the days away
I’m not good with goodbyes
Feeling numb, nervous
This isn’t a typical day
Falling into deep sleep
At least I know I’m okay
Looking far into the distance
I can see storm clouds appear
I shiver as the cold bites my nose
I will be okay, there’s nothing to fear
Opening my eyes
I’m sheltered by the sun
Thoughts race through my vacant mind
No need to run
Passing a mountain
I stare into the sea
Watching this last sunset
I float away, so let me be…
I want to fall asleep and never wake up, I lie awake at night thinking of nailing my door shut and I don’t know why, I aspire to do great things but in the morning, all I can see is the futility of it all…
The blessing of the condition is that you can have the grandest dreams, the curse of it all, is that you will never see your dreams realised because they are too unrealistic…
I’m due to have my lithium levels checked. On the one hand, I hope it comes back as too low so my medication gets pushed up…on the other hand I […]
I lasted 98 days without a real cut, it was the hardest thing iv ever done but my dad stopped hating me, then the voices came back and i fought it and then the thoughts got strong again, and i kept fighting until the insomnia hit. I lasted 6 days with no sleep before i cut, i cut two days in a row then last night i cut to deep and had to be taken to hospital and stitched up again. The nurses all know me at this point and they al just shake their heads at me. More stitches to add the the collection […]
I always wanted to prove her how much i love her.
All things happened to me is only becoz i love her so much.
I want to rewind my life only six hours if its possible ?
It feels hurt deep inside me.
Amy i love u more than my life.
I prayed a lot of gods to fall in love with u […]
“Somehow I’m gonna lose you, cause You’re not mine, and You’ll never be.
It hurts cause I want us to happen. I was us to be. I could bet that deep inside you, you feel the same way for me. I need a sign before is too late. I can’t tell you how much I need you, how much I love you, how much I want you. Before is too late, please be with me before I’m dead.”