I do not know why it is that I deteriorated so quickly. It just happened. It’s just happening. Taking it day by day was supposed to help, and for a brief while there, I went without thinking about ending life. By brief while, I mean one day. That’s a start. I do not know whether or not it will be enough to save me. I keep going to back to what the real solution is, but for some reason I refuse to oblige. I refuse to save myself, and it is honestly incredibly stupid. I do not know why I do not want myself to […]
The deeper I cut,
The more I cut deep.
Deeper and deeper I cut.Â
The more I cut,
The more often I cut,
More and more I cut.
The more scars I have,
The more fresh cuts come,
More and more fresh cuts come.
When there’s not enough blood,
I cut deeper and more,
Deeper and more I cut.
When my cuts stop bleeding,
My head starts spinning,
Slowly, slowly I die.
My eyes see blurry,
My eyes see nothing,
Nothing, nothing I see.
I lie down on the floor,
On the hard cold floor,
Cold, cold is the floor.
My heart pumps fast,
Not long will it last,
Fast, fast my heart beats.
My body feels heavy,
And then it feels light,
Up to […]
You know what I hate so much? When people know that a person is suicidal, self harming, or even really just feeling down, and some asshole thinks it’s alright to push it even deeper. When I was in 7th grade, I was suicidal. This girl was talking shit behind my back about how she was only pretending to be my friend. That- ugh! It’s horrible! Even now, I’m dealing with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, and anxiety. And I still get that kind of bullshit! My cousin, knows that it irritates me when he hits me. He hits me on my upper arm, which is […]
Dear life, I am tired of being afraid.
I don’t care about anything anymore. It’s all just pointless now. I don’t care about life, about the future, about death, nothing. I gave up a long time ago. I guess if you immerse yourself in enough pain you eventually stop feeling it. But the problem is that I still do feel. It would all just be easier if I ended it all, but somehow I can’t get any access to anything lethal. I thought that all of this would eventually end when things got too bad to bear, but every time I hit rock bottom, somehow I […]
I cut because I want to feel. I want to feel the sting of the blade, and then you know how you’re arm feels limp and dead for a little? I enjoy that. I like running my fingers over my cuts, and feeling the bumps along the way down. I don’t cut my wrists; I cut my upper arm. My upper arm is like a journal now, telling stories of my pain, anxiety, and frustrations. I started cutting about a week ago, and I’ve already lost count of my cuts. I hate to say it, but you know when you read that some people get […]
I think this is the position, so many of us are stuck in.
A female figure sits blindfolded, as she calmly balances two swords across her shoulders. Behind her is a large body of water and above her is the moon.
The woman’s seated position, in combination with the crescent moon, recalls the High Priestess card, and we find a link as well in this card’s representation of the characteristic feminine strength of intuition. The woman’s blindfold and the sea show a necessity to rely not on immediate stimuli but on deeper thoughts and feelings, that […]
As hard as i try to get over you, you come back.. Telling me your sorry and getting me to believe your stupid, drunken or sober lies. You get my hopes up and even every time i know they will crash right back down, i still believe you. I try to talk to others, but i cannot get feelings for them, all i want is you. I know i shouldn’t have you. Any who, ever since New Years I feel into a deep depression, i stopped eating, dropped a good 15 pounds, slept more, had absolutely no ambition to do a thing. Cutting came back […]
It’s obvious to me. I’m throwing myself into a hole, each time getting a little deeper. Farther and farther down where I know you’ll never find me. I wanna take the pills to stop it all. I want to drink the whiskey you bought me. I can’t keep going on like this, knowing that some day you might leave me. Why did this happen? Why did I give everything up?
Why can’t the words seem to flow from my fingertips.
I honestly don’t know what to do…
Can’t seem to find that tiny spot of silence inside my head tonight. Thoughts swimming around and around on repeat. Why is it when you are at your lowest the easiest of things are so hard? Sleep is not usually a stranger to me. I can sleep through anything just to get to the next moment. I use sleep as a barrier to keep me from having to face real life. So what happens when sleep doesn’t come? I go deeper and deeper into the place I so want to hide from. Face to face with every memory I try so hard to forget. Even […]
can I ask everyone a question…. do we really wanna die I mean of course but actually think about it.. leave our lives here to have an equally as bad or worse life after death… we just can’t win for some reason.. every time i come to this site for help I always think of that song wonder wall by oasis I can’t help but to think that song has a deeper meaning but ponder my question and answer… my kik: YD_LaSephiroth but im going to bed because I have school tomorrow.. yes im young :/
Here I lay,
On my bed ,
Its my shallow grave,
Not deep enough to see my pain,
Dig a little deeper,
You’ll see it there,
Along with my soul that I left somewhere,
I hope you find what your looking for,
In this shitty life you need to close the door,
The public doesn’t need to see what I have become,
Because I am a girl,
With feelings just as strong,
Call me Mia,
I speak for us all.
I came across this piece, and found it beautifully portrayed what it is like to suffor from depression, and to be an outsider looking in.
“He inspected her. He undressed every layer of her soul and could find nothing but kindness. A fabric woven from silken dreams, compassion and understanding. She was like the moon, illuminating all that was in darkness. All darkness but her own. He began to see the thick sinking sand that swallowed her, the small pockets of air from which she could breathe. She reached out to all those that passed her, whom would only let her sink further in. Some which […]
every time I felt hopeless and just generally dejected I would cut myself and feel the pain and feel so much better! right now I cut myself deeper and longer(length of the cut)Â but still feel like crap! what the hell is wrong with me?
Every day I wake up from a previously horrible day, and I try to stay positive. Â But then…comes this force that drains my energy, and all the hope I ever had. Â I fall deeper and deeper every day, every time I try harder and harder to stay up. Â As for my academics, I work hard (orgo. chem in high school), but then sometimes lose it all in the middle of my classes or when I am doing homework.
I look at other students who are always truly smiling (unlike my fake smile), and they seem to enjoy every second of their lives. And I…I just sit […]
I have been cutting a lot lately. I have been just cutting on my wrists but then I ran out of room so now im cutting on my thigh. I wasn’t cutting to deep on my wrists but on my thighs I’ve been cutting deeper. How can I properly take care of my cuts? What kind of things will I need to take care of the cuts?
Older Posts