My social isolation has increased since I entered my thirties two years ago. I have been single for some time. My friends have all settled into marriage and are now beginning the project of making babies. As they develop, I’m left behind. The more I stagnate, the more they pity me. The more they pity me, the less inclined they are to spend what little spare time they have with me. Exchanges become awkward. The result is that I’m not stagnating, I’m regressing. My alienation from others is cresting into hatred. I was raised and still live in NYC, where extreme privilege is now always […]
It has been months and months in which I have been seriously contemplating whether or not I am depressed. Some days I will smile up at heaven (this not intended to start a religious battle, but for all educational purposes) and thank God for all he has done for me, however other days which seems to be a 70% time thing as opposed to a 30% time of the looking to heaven. I feel extremely stressed due to school, I am 16 years old have been taking classes since freshman year (now a junior) throughout the high school years with not a single summer break. […]
What nobody knows about me is that my life is consumed by depression,  low self-esteem, and anxiety.  I originally wrote a long post for you to read that went into immense detail about my personal life and problems, but then I deleted it. Why? I deleted it because none of it matters. I have come to the point where nothing matters anymore. I don’t have any friends or any family members to talk to, and I have too much anxiety to talk in person.  At least this is kind of like telling somebody.
Everything in life feels like a chore. Nothing is enjoyable. I am a nineteen-year-old college student […]
I honestly hate myself more than someone could ever do 🙁 Why did i have to be born in this place and body , why do i have to suffer so much. I am not a normal person anymore, my body is starting to slowly die. I am pale and always cold, i dont go out anymore , all i do is lock myself in my dark room and barely eat anything. I am scared that it will hurt when i do it, but i decided that there is nothing left for me.
I hate looking myself at the mirror , it just reminds me of […]
I’ve been crying for the past two hours. Why can’t I stop crying? 🙁 I want to just stop it all. I feel so depressed over drug abuse from my dad. Earlier my dad was high on drugs and he threatened to throw my eleven year old brother out on the streets. Later, I shouted at my dad because he said he was going to throw me out too. I shouted at him, telling him he was nuts. Dad said he’d rather be homeless than live with me and my brother. Now I’m scared. I’m seriously thinking about telling the fucking police because I can’t deal […]
Do you ever feel like you can’t let anyone in? That you can’t tell anyone about your suicidal urges or depression, because you know one day, you’re gonna commit suicide? Like it’s your destiny? And if they get close like that and you self-destruct it’ll hurt them. I know it will hurt them alot. That’s why I made 3 huge mistakes in telling my three friends. Now whenever I go, I know it’ll just hurt them. And people wonder why suicidal people are anti-social. Sometimes you have to push everyone away to save them from the pain.
Do you ever get the feeling that happy people […]
I’m tired. Â Tired of life. Â Tired of everything. Â I’ll breathe a sigh of relief once the holidays are over. Â I Â feel like you’re “supposed to be” all happy and thankful around the holidays. Â Sorry I don’t lead a normal life. Â I don’t feel that way and I don’t want to be forced to. Â Ridiculous. Â So done.