I have had 15 or so surgeries, and everything hurts. My thoughts of suicide come daily. The only thing stopping me is the fact that my live in gf had a spouse that passed away before we started dating, and I hate the thought of her going through another death. I also, though I am not “religious” , I don,t want to end up in hell. Been looking into writings about this subject, and the bible says if someone commits suicide due to being in pain they can,t take any more, they will not be punished.
I am scheduled for another surgery in a few weeks, and I honestly don,t know if I will make it that far. When my body aches and I can barely get out of bed or stand up without taking pain meds, it,s all i can think about.
I don,t know if I will miss being alive, or not know, or what. But I can,t stand the thought of getting worse and worse as I get older. I can feel myself deteriorating, and to be completely bedridden and useless makes me sad. I just hope pills will do the trick. I have heard about people dying from much smaller amounts than others, and still others that take hundreds and live. But i,m at the end of what my mind can take.