I can not see myself living a long life based on what has occurred for the past 21 years. I feel like an embarrassment because the only thing I did was screw up things myself by allowing others to treat me like shit and go along with certain bullshit to feel accepted. I’ve developed a state of partial isolation because my lack of social interaction has resulted from be being afraid to become close to anyone and whenever I try to people think I am weird or mean because I am so timid to continue a conversation. When you have experienced sexual, physical, and mental […]
Everyday I get up and I go to work or I clean my house and all the while I’m faking a smile.
It’s not much but it’s hard and it’s leaving its mark.
I pretend I don’t hurt because that’s what they deserve, but the pain never fades and my guilt only stays.
It doesn’t matter how hard I try to atone for my sins because the slate can never truly be cleaned.
There’s this pit in my stomach and my conscience is grim.
How can I be happy when you always remind me of my sins.
These transgressions pull at me and when I’m […]
You don’t deserve the way my heart aches at the thought of you.
You were red. You liked me cause I was blue. You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky and you decided purple just wasn’t for you.
how do you convince yourself that you deserve peace/happiness?
I cannot take it anymore .Whenever i close my eyes, at any time of day/night ,i see all these horrifying pictures of blood and violence on myself.Im haunted by monstrous bloody images of flesh and death.It lasts for approximately week or two, non-stop ,i hardly sleep more than 4 hours a night then.When it passes ,i always get painfully numb.It goes round and round. I cannot do this anymore,i need to cut,i need to die,i don’t deserve to be here i shouldn’t be here.Sorry im so weak i need to write it here instead of just finishing with that agony.I can’t kill myself because it […]
The burden of life is too great to carry. I feel like the Titan Atlas, forever carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. But I am not immortal. I can choose to die. I can end it all and forsake the pain. But no…..I will not. Today my one year old sister called my phone all by herself using my mother’s smartphone (she knows it is me because she can see me in the contact picture) and left a message, crying because I wouldn’t answer. Even after I called and tried to talk to her (my mother put her one the phone) she […]
Christmas without you is hell…..we never had family to have over, or the money to have the “average” Christmas……but I miss going out of my way to get you a lot of nice gifts, because I enjoyed seeing you smile. And it always made your worthless scumbag of a husband angry bc the only reason why he even got that $10 gift card is bc you made me get him something…..a pile of shit in a box crossed my mind a few times……as crappy of a mother as you were, I always loved you with all my heart. You were my bestfriend. I knew you […]
dear sp, MERRY WHATEVERYOUCELEBRATE to you. may this day provide the magic and peace that we deserve. how grateful i am to all of you for the help you provided. even the angry, in-your-face ones. sorry for laughing but that was ME not too long ago. i plan to stay with sp, however things turn out for me. you have become a really close friend, and i look forward to the time i spend here. truly an interesting cast of characters from around the world. i, too am alone on this day of celebration. and perfectly content with that. pull up an extra chair. i […]
All I ever wanted to be was loved by own parents but I guess I don’t get that, otherwise I wouldn’t be wishing to be dead. Life’s shit when you think about it why are we even on a planet just to reproduce the population. It’s utter stupidity I can’t stand this pain anymore I just want it to go away and never come back, what did I do to deserve this am I really that bad of a person to deserve this. Please anyone help me
its probably really fucking nasty of me, but i cant handle it, fuck it, my friend, one of my best actually, refuses to get help, and i understand that its scary but he cant use me as that person i cant help him anymore, its making me more suicidal than i would be if he just got help. he needs it but instead lays all that weight, that pressure on me when i know i cant help him like he needs.
i cant help him when or how he needs it and it makes me feel worse, i just want to end it so i dont […]
Yeah, yeah, I know – more generic “hopeful” bullshit. But, hey … one way or another, we are all still here, despite everything. I kinda think we deserve some credit for that 😉
L4Y
You don’t deserve the way my heart aches at the thought of you.
And I can’t stop loving you.
This is my first time posting here and I’m not really sure whether I’m on the right track regarding what this site is about…
For the past 3 years I have had reoccurring suicidal thoughts and a couple of failed attempts. The idea of being free from this life is so inviting! In a way, I’m ashamed and I know that I don’t want to hurt my family. I’m trying to remove these thoughts from my head but the battle is tough. The only thing stopping me is knowing that I don’t want my younger siblings to ever suffer as I am.
My self esteem is pitiful. […]
I guess this is the way I do it:
1. Push everyone away from me because I don’t deserve their love. I’m too unworthy for it.
2. Run into someplace where no one can find you and have no ways of contacting you. i.e., isolate yourself. Keep your phone somewhere and try to forget about it. Or switch it to Airplane mode. Yeah.
3. Hide. Remain in your bubble. A quiet bubble floating in the sea of noises.
So much for trying to distract yourself from the truth. So much for trying to forget and run away from it. So much for trying to create excuses.
Stop trying to […]
I was happy with everything in my life until 6th grade, when I found out I was gay. I haven’t told anyone I am yet, but how can I? My mom, one of the people I trust the most said on election day “I’m not voting to allow gay marriage, it’s just wrong and unholy.”. Until then I thought I could tell her anything and she would still love me. Now I have suicidal thoughts, cut myself and cry almost daily and still nobody has a clue that they are torturing me. I’m 15 now and I still don’t know what to do. I’ve always tried to […]
For three years I’ve been depressed, as the doctors say. Last month I hit what felt like rock bottom. Still, I feel like I don’t deserve to talk about it here. I feel like I should be happy since everything comes so easy to me. I’m so angry with myself for purposely failing my tests and I just want to hurt myself for hurting everyone around me. I feel so guilty. I love my family and my friends and I’m only hurting them by feeling this way. The pain and emptiness inside is overwhelming, and only seems to be growing. I don’t know if I […]
What should I do if my friend is fantasizing about my boyfriend? She told me herself that she was fantasizing about my boyfriend…and my boyfriend said he has thought of the same way with her, but he says he loves me and he means it.
I don’t know what to do about it……it’s making me uncomfortable.
I don’t want to lose my friend or my boyfriend, but I’m afraid if I tell them I feel uncomfortable about it..I’ll make them upset. It makes me feel like I don’t deserve him…
p.s
I don’t really know about relationships, since this is my first one…i don’t know how […]
This is my first and only intended post to the site and I wanted to recognise that there is some encouraging words displayed and some wonderful people who take the time to care for anonymous persons they don’t peen know.
Sadly I am not a person that deserves that care. I have a loving family, wonderful wife and beautiful baby girl! All of whom I adore and love without question. I am not a good person though and don’t deserve their love. By sticking around I a making life harder for everyone and drawing out the painful inevitable process, my choice is my last feeling of […]
the people on here, this website, are true sufferers- they are drowning in poverty, surrounded by nothing but their own crushing thoughts and self-accusations. they have reason to scream and sob and choke on depression.
i am 16, popular, a brilliant student, a violin prodigy (slight hyperbole), an extrovert, horror movie addict. my parents are established- “dad” has a Ph.D, mom is a retail genius. we are upper-middle class, gorgeous home. i’m an only child so they shower money on me; where else will they dump their earnings?
the question to ask, then, is: am i allowed to be so sad? why should i have the right […]
Why am I here on this planet? I hate being alive, I hate waking up each morning. Why am I here!? Why did God put me on this Earth? Why am I always so sad? I don’t deserve to be here, I’m an awful person. I’ve done nothing good so far in my life. I’ve only caused pain. Pain to the ones who care about me and love me. Why do I hurt the ones I love? I wish God would have given my healthy body to someone who is sick and dieing. They deserve it. I’m not doing anything good to my 16 year […]