I feel people get hung up on the reasoning for killing yourself more than the lack of desire to live. When you look at it that way, then you can appreciate the motive.
Where else in life, outside of work and certain family dynamics, are you forced to do something you’re obviously not wanting to continue? Everything has an exit door, life isn’t any different.
You do something wrong people shun you. You step out of line then they punish you. You say something wrong people ignore you. You dress the wrong way people gossip about you. You talk or act different people push you away. You stand up to a bully then you’re the bad guy. You try to be nice then you’re the outcast. You get raped then people say you’re the whore/slut. You’re parents don’t want you then people say you’re worthless. You show your feelings then people say you’re dramatic. You show your depression then they say you fake it. You finally kill yourself…. yet people […]
I don’t want anyone’s pity, that’s not why I post on this site, this is just the only place where I can put down anything
So basically, typical depressed male teenager story, plus a few details
Anyway, I just…I’m lost, I spend most of my time alone, even though I fear isolation, though I’m welcoming it more and more. I was crying during lunch today at school because somebody came up to me and wanted to know what was wrong, and how they could help. But they can’t. I know this is vague, I’ve never been one for details, I don’t talk to people much. Honestly the […]
Nobody cares about what I’ve gone through. Â It’s always “It can always get worse” or people just take pity. Â Who wants pity? Â I don’t. Â What does pity do? Â Nothing. Â Having pity for somebody and genuinely caring are completely different things.
My mom texted me a quote which I eventually found floating on tumblr that went like this:
“One awesome thing about Eeyore is that even though he is basically clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigans with all of his friends. And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy, they just love him anyway, and they never leave him behind or ask him to change.”
I sometimes wish the people in my life were able to not necessarily understand my depression/darkness, but just be able to see me. Just me. And not wish anything different about me.
When you’ve thought about suicide and have started to make decisions on little details, some aspects are kind of thought provoking.
I’m kind of torn on whether to exit during the day or night. Both have an appeal. I suppose night time due to the correlation of darkness and sleeping. I also like how not many people are up and about at night.
I do know that different times of the day reveal different moods. Guess I’ll figure it out soon enough.
I’m not living, I’m just surviving… =_=”
I’m tired of being sad. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of feeling empty inside. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling stuck. I’m tired of feeling crazy. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of yelling. I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I’m tired of missing things. I’m tired of missing people. I’m tired of remembering. I’m tired of wishing I could start all over. I’m tired of not being able to just let go. I’m tired of faking it. I’m tired of being different. I’m tired […]
today is probably the worst day of my life. My girlfriend a few months back charged me with 6 different offenses, and that caused a lot of stress on me and one day I just got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to hang myself and just before I jumped I called her and she picked up as said she would come see me, and at no point did I think the cops would come because we’ll I trusted her, and she saved my life and after 4 mon this of that it was over but then she wanted to become […]
I’ve been taking Saroquel for just under a week now.. i dream every night and they’re so vivid. It’s like i’m myself.. but a different branch? Like i’ll dream about things that are happening in my life, but i’m a different version of me in the dream. It’s weird. Anyone notice anything similar on it?
Well we’ve all seen the red carpet show now and all the beautiful rich and talented people gathering together to congratulate themselves on their beauty, riches and talents. In the end, when the earth has burnt away, when memories have ceased, what difference does it make whether I was the neighborhood “retard” or whether I was Jennifer Lawrence. Pointless, all of it. Yes, Jennifer will have lived a life 100 thousand times better than anything I will ever experience. But one hundred years from now when we are dust, we will be the same. Dust, useless quiet dust. A huge downgrade for the winners in […]
Hello everybody.  I am speechless (as you can see). I joined here because i am really weak at making decisions (like death or life, joy or sadness..). I mean i and my mind are living different lives. On one day i make about three- four mind changes. I just don’t  know which one I am right now. I am always copying someone. I mean i can be myself (sometimes) but  mostly i’m trying  to be someone different. i always  think too much. i was in mental hospital. i was in mental hospital for month, i wanted to stay there more. i don’t even know why […]
Describe, in your own words, what it’s like to feel the way you do. I won’t judge you, I genuinely want to know.
just siting here. blade in hand. unsure wether or not i WANT to feel that great release. that’s different. to want something. I’ve never wanted to, just had to. and now I can decide.
Tears;
Droplets upon our faces
Screams;
Loud, unheard voices
Whispers;
Little nothings thrown into the wind
Smiles;
One fakes these
Laughs;
A different sound for each of us
Knives;
To cut away the pain on our skin
Pills;
A way to escape this reality of our world
Eyes;
Dark and dull, observing, watching, glaring
Ears;
They hear the insults, the screams, the voices
Mouths;
They talk, they whisper, they scream
Hearts;
They’re broken throughout the day
In modern society it is expected of every citizen to have and maintain a regular work schedule as well as a panoply of organized events which can range from exercise routines, hobby and pragmatic practices to cultural traditions such as celebrating holidays. When stripped of the stability that conforming to time provides, many people transition into a baffled and confused state, rendered helpless to the ambiguity that exists in life outside of routines and schedules.
Personally, I am wildly enamored with and have vehement passion for Chris Mccandless’ philosophy of life: “The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy […]
Anyone else on here have extremely loud, racing thoughts?
It’s like there are 50 different thoughts at once, all yelling at me.
:/ I mean it’d be nice to have a quiet mind, for once.
So I think about suicide. I have been thinking about it for years now.
My biggest problem is when someone lies to your face and tells you that its weird to think about suicide. To make a decision on if you do so or not is based on ideas, opinions, or thoughts about suicide.
So yes I do think about suicide everyday. Which isn’t entirely too bad of a thing. For one it led me to this site. To make a decision on not to kill oneself also requires some serious thought. Weighing different outcomes, and evaluating ones life is necessary.
I apologize if I am rambling, but […]
So many doors.
Don’t know which way.
Nowhere to go.
Nowhere to stay.
I hear voices,
inside my head.
I hear things creeping
beside my bed.
They say i’m different.
They say i’m crazy.
I don’t do anything.
They think i’m lazy.
If hear voices
they give me shots.
Oh so much medication.
Pills? I take lots.
The people in my head,
they give me so much pain.
But now I know the truth.
I have gone insane.
In my home
I share with many,
each person has a room.
For there are always plenty.
We are all so different,
but yet we’re all the […]
It never ceases to amaze me just how cruel and insane the world can be.
People will just build you up and then blow you up for their own enjoyment. So many people have hated me my entire life. I have noting left to look forward to in life. this is driving me insane! I just wish I could be a different person and experience what’s it’s like to have a family, friends, and a girlfriend. I never will get to experience any of those things Why keep this suffering going?
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