Humiliated. Helpess. Tormented. Scared.  Ive been going through these emotions for a several years and I had no idea how to fix them until now. The answer to my questions is suicide. I need to kill myself to finally feel like Im at peace.
Tag:
Emotions
I trusted some one again and they left me i gotten back a friend but i dont think she wants to talk to me really any more i have my friend i made this year hes a good friend i think i bug him some times i dont think i will ever find some one that whants to be my girlfriend more one day as much as i want some thing with them i put in so much effort with every one to put a smile when there sad or mad but whos there for me when i need it no one i just want […]
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
My story:
It was only the first time.
I spun the blade around in my hands
contemplating if I should really do this or not.
I heard my mom yell.
Yes, I should, It’s worth it.
The blade sank into my arm,
cutting across my arm.
Not too deep.
It was only the second time.
The kids at school were bullies.
My parents just got mad.
I took the blade in my hands.
I didn’t even think about it.
I pushed it into my arm,
cutting across parallel to the last one,
A little deeper.
It was at least the 50th time.
I didn’t even have different reasons anymore.
I want to reach out, I really do but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I am so deeply conflicted. I am so frustrated that I cannot seem to unravel these feelings long enough to really understand them. I must be losing my mind, I can’t concentrate and I take pleasure in absolutely nothing. I hate waking up every day with no interest in a single, solitary activity. There is no song I feel like listening to, no movie I feel like watching, no friend I feel like seeing, no hobby I feel like exploring. I feel as though I can’t survive this self-made […]
I snapped.
I confided in you my deepest secret.
I trusted you.
But, I was wrong to do so.
You twisted my words.
Made it sound worse than it really was.
Then, you told everyone.
Don’t you know?
I still have feelings.
I thought you were my friend.
I thought you were the only one who cared about me.
But, I was wrong.
You didn’t care.
Others did, but I turned my back, and now they don’t.
It was all you.
You spread the rumors.
You talked behind my back.
Don’t you know?
I still have feelings.
I showed you my scars.
I showed you what I […]
One day I was sitting on the couch staring out the window at the rain.
My mother approached me and looked into my eyes.
“Something’s wrong.” She said softly
I asked her how she knew so easily.
“The eyes are the windows to the soul.” She replied
I never forgot that day.
Another day, hears later, I met you.y
You seemed happy. Every day you woke up and put on your smile.
That’s all anyone looked for, but not me.
I looked further.
I approached you and looked into your eyes.
“Something’s wrong.” I said.
You asked me how I knew and I gave you […]
i remember when life was fun, it was exciting and adventurous. i remember as a little girl, sitting in class dreaming of growing up and travelling the world. i remember dreaming of the places i would go, and the things i would do. i remember dreaming of my career, and the love of my life. but now, i sit here in year 11. life seems to have gone so quickly, i walk through the hallways at school as a  nobody. invisible and unseen. bad thoughts running through my head, constantly. life seems to be a burden now, a task, something i must endure. yet no […]
You wouldn’t think that the girl that laughs the loudest has the most trouble. She’s secretly so unhappy sometimes. Like a dam breaking emotions would take control of her and make her be unable to break free. This doesn’t happen all the time. She does have some friends that are there for her. Friends that make her laugh and smile, but they don’t know. Nobody knows.
She’s quite pretty actually, a small cute nose, nice lips and big brown eyes. Her body says more, a curvy figure. She would seem perfect to those who just meet her. While she thinks that she is the fattest thing that […]
Hi,
My username is an anagram so if any of you care to do a little word play, you can figure out my real name, but thats not why I am here. I am here to tell you, the reader, a story. A story about me and why I want to die, yet cannot achieve presently.
I was born January 25, 1987. My mother was a drunk at the time and my father was smoking crank. I am the result of a one night stand. An accident turned paternal, if you will. My very first thought, I remember, was when I was still an infant, unable to […]
I literally can’t cry anymore. 8th grade year I cried so much that I think all my tears dissapeared. I don’t cry on the outside, I cry on the inside. I hurt so much on the inside, but I don’t show any appearance of it on the outside. Like, the emotions and feelings are there, but I just can’t let them out. They’re dying to escape my body, but I won’t let them. I’m not a loving person, and I’m definetly not endearing. I just want to hide, or crawl under a dark rock for awhile and have time to myself, ya know? Nobody at school […]
Words do not express, for my emotions run wild
I feel confusion and hate, but mostly just denial.
I need help.
I’ve slipped into this pit more than once in my life
but for the first time I don’t have the strength to make it alright.
I have done this to myself, this disease is now me
I am not a thinker, a lover or you’re friend.
I am my addiction which has no end.
I am it, and it is me. One cannot set the other free.
I lay in this bed in a room filled with sadness
and think back on my life […]
Hey everyone.
I am so unbelievably unhappy that words cannot describe the myriad of emotions (or perhaps lack thereof) which plague me with an intensity that is almost incomprehensible. However, I currently have the urge to try to do so for reasons that I do not know. Â I am not begging for attention, sympathy, or pity. I am merely using this post as an outlet for my own thoughts and emotions which I cannot express by any other means than by writing them down. Then again, perhaps I am subconsciously attempting to incite empathy, to offer others a glance at my own perspective with the intention […]
Someone please read, give me any advice you can. I am in desperate need of it.
by helplessles
written by helplessles
This is going to be long, I apologize in advance. I guess I can start by saying I am a 16 year old girl, although I hardly resemble a girl, and very depressed. I have been depressed for almost 2 years. I self harm, but cutting usually, I’ll pull my hair in the extremely emotionally painful moments, or I’ll pinch my arms. Its been a year since I have posted here, but I’m in need of some type of empathy. My family on a scale from 1-10, is a good strong 7.5, we have our fights, but i generally thing we all do love one and […]
how much pain do people expect me to endure? they talk to me as if i should have an infinite threshold. i lost 3 people last month. my partner Brynn. he was also my dom/master. so for people who are part of that lifestyle. they know how hard it is to lose your partner from that kind of relationship. he left me in fucking pieces. he broke down all my walls, i let him in. i trusted him. and he abused it all, and left me a broken mess…and he didn’t even fucking care. then two friends that we shared….decided they liked/love him more and […]
Feeling overwhelmed again and feel that crazy need to DO something; so I am going to write as honestly as I can in hope of clearing my head and maybe helping others to not feel so alone..
I am 19 years old, going to a community college in hopes of learning everything I can about computers and eventually getting a PhD. (programming and hacking take me to a different place, a place where I am extremely intrigued and life actually seems interesting because there is so much to it.)Â Normally I just get tired of waking up to the same routine everyday, not so much that […]
my friend took his own life on march 18, 2013. he gambled with his own life as he spun the cylinder to his prized .45 revolver, looked dead into his best friend’s eyes and pulled the trigger… he had a 1 in 6 chance of death and he took that- he left no warnings before hand… i dont think he thought it would go off… Â but it did… and now he’s gone…….. he thought he had no one but his best friend- and even then, he knew he was gonna move in with his girlfriend and Robert would be homeless and living in his […]
I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m so uncertain of everything. My mind is playing tricks on me. I have no idea what’s going on in my mind. Depression has taken over every part of my life. It’s taken over my thoughts, emotions, and actions. I feel like I’ve fallen off the right track. I feel like I have no control over my own life. I just don’t understand. Why did this happen? Does it even matter? If I get better am I just going to fall back down and feel as miserable as I do now?
I wish I wasn’t born. I wish […]
I finally have had enough with the emotional and physical abuse with everyone in my life. It is not like I have a best friend to tell all my problems to and receive advice from so I have decided to take a step forward and see a therapist.
I am partially excited about this decision because I can finally allow myself to open up without worrying about my secrets getting out but I am also afraid to tell about my feelings and emotions because what if he/she thinks I am a freak? A nothing.
This is my first step towards freedom from the dreadful memories that bind […]
Today I’m struggling. I’m struggling to find the good. I’m so tired of feeling tired and fighting through this life. Everything seems so difficult. I want a job, but my emotions are holding me back. I want to have the happily every after with my boyfriend, but it’s like we’re in this revolving cycle that doesn’t quit. I want my mom to be happy and it’s so hard to see her struggle everyday. It’s hard to know that she wants good things for me, but brings up things in the past that I feel so terrible about that I don’t want to face what I […]