i’m a robot

I literally can’t cry anymore. 8th grade year I cried so much that I think all my tears dissapeared. I don’t cry on the outside, I cry on the inside. I hurt so much on the inside, but I don’t show any appearance of it on the outside. Like, the emotions and feelings are there, but I just can’t let them out. They’re dying to escape my body, but I won’t let them. I’m not a loving person, and I’m definetly not endearing. I just want to hide, or crawl under a dark rock for awhile and have time to myself, ya know? Nobody at school knows. Actually, nobody knows. I don’t want to change, like, I’ve been depressed for so long that i’m used to it, and I can’t think of any other way to live my life. I’m definetly not sociable, I have anxiety about stupid things, and I’m nervous of failure. I don’t express my feelings because I’m afraid people will shoot them down, or laugh at me. And, the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that I’m nobody’s first. Not my friends, not my teachers, definetly not guys. Like, all of my friends have another best friend that comes before me.  I always put myself out there in order to make friends, and then i just end up getting burned in the end, like always. Idk, I just wanted to rant and share with somebody who has no idea who i am in real life. But, yeah.