the shrink doesn’t think there is anymore drug wise he can do for me. he doesn’t think my depression is a chemical imbalance . so as of today i have stopped taking my meds. he doesn’t know this. i guess he will figure it out when i stop seeing him. from my research it seems i will be in for a hell of a ride. oh well. doesn’t sound like any of it will be lethal but one can hope. maybe the only thing it will accomplish is to clarify my desire to be dead. been thinking about it hard and heavy. haven’t procured the […]
Tag:
enough
It took 18 years to remember
You want five to forget
Forget about it.
I never thought I could survive to college. I never saw myself in a dorm. I never saw friends.
But I did. I didn’t live in a dorm. I rented a two-bedroom house with a fenced yard for my two adopted dogs. I went to class. It’s my fifth year in school, and yeah my past caught up to me, and yeah I had a few slip-ups, but I am going to graduate in May with honors- a GPA above 3.0.
So why?
Why do I want to die now?
Of all times, places, people, memories, why now?
I […]
I dont even care enough to want to die. Repetitive practiced motions propel me through my days. Mind numb and thoughts stagnant. The real me died a long time ago and the creature left in my place is weak. Slowly dissipating to nothing is more than I deserve and exactly what I’ll get. I’ve made peace with this.
Someone told me a few days ago that their birthday was April 20th and that got me thinking about Columbine again. Of course, thinking about Columbine got me started on death and suicide again, so I watched a bunch of videos with shootings ending in suicide, and looking up suicide obituaries. I secretly thought I was moving forward, but I guess I’m not. I tried to look up how to tie a bedsheet noose, but it’s a lot different than an actual noose, judging by the photos online. I wasn’t even feeling suicidal until I started trying to make it, and then it just hit […]
I cant get anything right. I’m on my 4th attempt, every other attempt would have worked for anyome else but it seems like the world just wants me to suffer.
I wrapped my car around a tree at 120mph, climbed out of the roof and walked away not a scratch on me.
I highsided my motorbike in excess of 130mph, and just rolled into a ditch, not a scratch on me.
I locked myself in a tiny bathroom, sealed all the vents, with 4kg of smouldering charcoal, and I woke up with nothing but a headache.
I have 2.6g of Sertraline, 24g of Paracetomol, and 8g of Ibuprofen. I […]
This will be my last note to everyone. I lay awake waiting for something to happen, waiting for someone to text me, waiting for forgiveness, waiting…. That’s all I’ve done with my life. I’ve been waiting to end all of this. Everyday I wake up, I go to school because it’s easier not to think there. I’m sitting at a table where no one wants me there. I’ve gave up with wanting to fit into a group. When I’m not there no one thinks about me. No one loves me enough to call them theirs. Theirs no place for me here. I started thinking about […]
So I’m only 12, nearly 13. I feel like dying each day. No one knows I want to die. I darnt say anything incase of being called an attention seeker. Some of my friends know I self harm:( they are always there for me. I’m really self conscious, like I don’t like people looking at me. It’s because I’m pretty fat and ugly. I hate the way I am. I try to change but I can’t. Most people seem to hate me because I’m different, I have bright coloured hair, I’m quiet, I’m not out goibg im clever, I’m different. IM FULL BLOWN WEIRD. Everyone’s […]
Two weeks ago I left the psych ward after three months of trying to recover from depression and anxiety. Before I left, the shrinks there questioned me about how my three month stay had helped me. I lied, told them it changed something, told them it had made a difference, told them that “it taught myself a lot about me”. In truth, nothing has changed, but I didn’t have the balls to tell them about it. I felt like I had just wasted a quarter year of my life twiddling thumbs. I still feel anxious. I still feel depressed. I still feel like I could […]
I see every single imperfection that comes along with me…hopeing that maybe one day I’ll find a way to fix it…but I know I’ll never be good enough….not for anyone else but myself….I’ll always find something else to pick on…
there’s a different kind of tired
not the kind when you haven’t slept
or you’ve run two miles
or you haven’t eaten in hours
it’s the kind you can feel
behind your eyes
your neck
your shoulders
your chest
your knees
everywhere
when you’ve just had enough of being knocked down by it all
and the only cure is sleep
but not even that cures
because you know when you wake
you’ll be tired all over again
so you just drift through everything
tired.
I find this has more meaning than I’d like to think it does.
In the end were all just chalk lines on the concrete, drawn only to be washed away.
For the time that I’ve been given, I am what I am..
Never enough by five finger death punch
Yeah. Silly silly me. Why give away your trust so easily every single time? You trust people so easily. Is this what you want? Every single time, to be hurt by people. Is this the life you want, the life you’re willing to live. Steel your heart and conceal. You are not worth their time. Lies. Lies. Lies.
Shut up you incompetent fool. You are a worthless piece of shit. No one will give a duck about you. Stop trying to mix with humans. You do not belong here. Leave. Be like a ghost. Yeah.
Yeah. Yep. That would be the last straw. Disappear from this reality. […]
I just got married, and I feel so badly for my new husband. I’d love to talk with y’all, but I can’t think of anything else to say.
Sometimes it’s not always about your surroundings and situations. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I hate myself. I have my good and bad days like everyone else. If I’m honest though, I can’t stand myself. I can hardly find a single positive attribute of myself. That is simply the fact of it for me. My life has been a series of shitty decisions on my part, situations/circumstances/incidents that have crippled me and/or haunted me. I’ve always told myself that there are people who have it worse and not to be a baby. I have done most everything I can think of […]
Hey my classmates made this video, if we get enough people to watch it we get extra credit plus it sends out an important message to people everywhere. Watch it and tell me what you think -No, I am not featured in this film 🙁
Seeing as the nights are simply growing colder no matter the weather outside the glass or the amount of sheets I attempt to crawl beneath, I find myself here again. From time to time, this feeling engulfs my body only to later show the stressing of my seams. Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless; and, as if this statement werent true enough as is, I am a walking suicidal anomaly with as many wounds as demons to show for.
My body is a constant reminder of the years of drug abuse and self inflicted torture. There isn’t a day I awake to feel regret […]
To my beloved family and friends. I am sorry I have to do this, I hate myself for being so selfish. Please don’t miss me, don’t hurt. I made a decision, I can’t live in this cruel world anymore. You where all so great to me. This isn’t your fault, it’s mine. I’m weak, I can’t handle this. Please forgive me, or I will not be able to forgive my self. I will live on through you, in your hearts.
I’ve been cutting for a while now. I told no one, because I felt my reasons Where not good enough. I hate myself, I hate […]
So so tired. So so tired. So so very tired.
| Be still, child. Let nothing shaken your faith. You can get through this. I will be with you.
“But am I capable? Am I worthy? Can I help? How can I help? ” alas, I am but just a wandering soul.
Fall on me and I’ll support you.
But do I trust you enough? |
I have a good life most would say,a family who cares about me, friends, we’re not rich but we have a good life…and yet, everyday when I go out to live the same routine over and over again, I wish that something bad happens to me, a car accident, a robbery going wrong, being struck by thunder…I don’t know, I don’t want to live anymore, I just…can’t, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I feel so unhappy when everyone says that I should be fine, and at the same time I’m too coward to take out my own life, I keep thinking about […]
This is my first time on here. I don’t even know what I am doing. I have suicidal thoughts. I am 40 years old nd feel as though I havn’t amounted to much in this life. I feel like a complete loser. Lost my main source of income a year or so ago. No retirement or savings of any kind. The reason I lost my job is making it very very difficult to get another one. It was my life and passion. I don’t feel that my friends and colleagues listen to me or respect me enough. I am always wrong and whenever I have […]