You can’t even manage to get yourself to work five days a week. You don’t care enough about yourself to to take care of your own basic needs. Your lack of self-respect is written all over you like graffiti on a condemned building. Everything you touch turns into an untenable disaster – like Midas turning everything he touched to gold, everything you touch turns to shit. You push people away like a plague – even people that care enough to try and help you. You live in the past instead of in the moment. You are beyond all hope. You might as well just blow […]
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enough
For those who are too young to know who Sam Harris is, he won the first season of a show called Star Search back in the 80’s…..it was the prototype for America’s Got Talent. Like me (and Kristin Chenowith) Sam is from Oklahoma. I posted his rendition of Bonnie Raitt’s classic, I Can’t Make You Love Me, two nights ago. There is a reference to “giving things away” during the narration that precedes the actual song. This is a classic symptom of suicidal ideation.  I don’t think Sam picks up on this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WK_GzXYVVw
Original lyrics by Carole Bayer Sager, Bruce Roberts, Bette Midler
STEAL AWAY AGAIN
Baby (Charlie) won’t you […]
May 11th, the day I lost someone very dear to me. 8 years ago. That’s the day I will say goodbye. That’s the day that nothing will matter. If I’m lucky, I’ll die and I’ll finally get a break from this mean cycle. The day before my first exam. Finally a way to escape. I just need to figure out how to do it. I could poison myself, slash my wrists, hang myself, but I’ve always been more open to jumping. It would be like facing my fear of heights with my last breath. I could jump off the bridge, my school, or even in […]
25 years of life and I can honestly say that I am a disappointment not only to myself but to everyone around me.
Im always forgetting to do something, which makes people mad. I cant help that I have a bad memory, But no one honestly cares. All they see is that I let them down.
I am constantly being told I don’t do enough, I don’t try hard enough. Im a lazy fuck according to everyone.
I don’t work enough. I need to work more.
More….More…. Nothing is ever enough
no matter how hard I try, Im always letting someone down.
I wake up in the morning wondering what Im […]
Unlike the majority of people think, suicide is not for the cowards.We know it requires strengh and bravery.I’m so weak and exhausted, I couldn’t even pull a trigger or take some poison X_X.I spent the last week oon the bed, I can barely stand to brush my teeth.I dunno, I think the worst part of it all is that since the last year I’ve been thinking : “Today I’ll commit suicide!”.I got everything I need, but I STILL don’t have enough courage.My life sucks and I’m still here, there’s something wrong with me, I think I’d better avoid this suffering.And everybody here is so sick […]
Why does everyone have to dress like hookers when it starts to get hot outside? Seriously, do they feel it is mating time and they need to attract sexual partners for breeding? And then when someone not as optically attractive as they are wears the same kind of clothes they are criticized and laughed at for doing the exact same thing. Anyways, there are enough fine pieces of clothing which aren’t too warm to wear and which cover more than just the reproduction organs.
And imagine a guy wearing the same clothes, or even worse a NERD wearing those clothes: I don’t want to think about […]
Yup. I’m giving up on the hope that anyone will tell Alexis to knock it the fuck off. No matter how many times I complain, or how many times I blatantly say I want to talk to the store manager about this and file harassment charges, nothing happens. He gets to go around telling people that he has an ex who’s pregnant. Well, guess who the first person people think of when he says “ex”…yup, me. Ok, I want this set straight. I’m a virgin. Never done it. Probably never will. Explain how I get pregnant…other than the God thing, but seeing as I don’t […]
i’ve finally decided to do it. the date will be april 30, after watching the new spiderman 🙂 it’s been a great 25 years of life, but the past two years have just been too much to deal with anymore. somebody told me to love myself, and in this sense, i feel like i am. at least i wont feel anymore pain, right?
i’ve decided to use the hibachi method, hopefully, i can find burning coals along the way.
hey, whoever you are, thanks for reading this. i’ve lost people to talk to. i didn’t want to bother my friends anymore, and my family will just label […]
I should be careful and not come here too often…
I’ve been quite depressed, lacking hope and feeling generally worthless yadda yadda, uninspired to do anything but wallow in self pity.
Being so full of hate that I even learned how to tie a noose.
That made me feel better.
Because although we can all theoretically end it all when we want, it is often quite difficult. Not everyone has handy drugs in the closet. Some will just have to do it the tried and true old school way.
So it’s not always comforting enough to think: well hold on one more day because you can always end it, because […]
I’m really just tired of living… I constantly mess things up, I have no motivation anymore the only reason I’m still alive is because of music but now a days that doesn’t even help. I’m a constant disappointment to my parents… I’m three years ahead of my actual grade in school. And it’s still not enough. My mother thinks I’m a disappointment just because I listen to rock music and she’s constantly saying how I’m her mess up. I just simply don’t care about life anymore. And I know it would be cruel to my friends and family to do this but it’s the only […]
1. Try to fit in. If successful, hooray. Skip the rest of this manual and have a wonderful damned life.
2. If you don’t fit in, try harder.
3. If you come to the realization that you can’t fit in, that you are flawed or damaged, or even more astutely if you realize that the world itself is flawed and damaged beyond your ability to tolerate it, then pull up a seat and read the rest of this manual.
4. Convince yourself that you are the problem. This certainly won’t fix anything, nor will it make your life any more bearable, but it may distract you enough to […]
All my dad says is to get over it. I can’t. I’m not like him, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing I say matters. I will always be a fucked up piece of shit somebody scraped off of their shoe. I want to die so badly, but I’m not strong enough to do it. I don’t know what to do.
I’m tired.
Life’s for those who can handle it.
Not me.
Suicide is for those who are brave enough to bid farewell.
Not me again.
So where do I fit in?
I’m closer to suicide. The pills, fast trains, slim blades, deep oceans – I don’t want to be here anymore.
I can’t endure anymore pain.
Are any of you depressed people experiencing not only depression, sorrow, and boredom of life but also HORROR? Is anyone experiencing trauma and panic from existing in a cruel and violent world? Afraid to wake up in the morning, afraid to exist, afraid of gods and devils? Do you feel like you are living in a horror movie? Fear of someone torturing you? For me life feels like the movie Saw with God being Jigsaw. I am trapped in a very evil body and if I want to get out, I have to literally cut myself out or do some other gruesome thing in which […]
im tired of trying to please everyone but myself. im tired of pleasing my parents(grandparents). tired of trying to please my so called friends. tired of trying on everything. im just tired of getting up to go to the same shit everyday. getting yelled at cause im failing my classes well for your fucking information im taking pre ap which is better then regular classes and its changed since your fucking time. getting picked on made fun of being a expierment for my friends just so they can have fun cause i wont stand up for myself well guess what keep doing it but when […]
I’m new on here, and I’ve been struggling since seventh grade really, but I’ve gotten much worse over the past few years. I’m currently a senior in high school. I’ve been to different psychologists, and none of them could help me and I just got really pissed off at them so I quit going. (Also financial reasons) But this year everyone has been just on my back every day about how I’m not trying hard enough and how I am just a failure. But I do try so hard to be the strong link. At school I get made fun of for who I […]
I thought I was feeling bad enough before. But apparently not. I still am trying to make things better in my life before “the date”. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to do it. I wasn’t expecting so much drama and heart breaks. I am so alone right now. Everyone is tired of me and my depression. Everyone is so busy. I have nothing to look foward to. I have nobody to love. I have no passion left. I feel empty. I get this impression that I’m trying my hardest to feel better, but it’s never enough. Maybe I’m just not meant to […]
I am in a pretty rough spot here. I’m only 16, but every aspect of my life I’m starting to hate. My family doesn’t hate me but it is apparent my parents don’t have a great opinion of me as I complain a lot. It’s understandable, they have problems too but I don’t know who to turn to. My mom has diabetes and I take care of her most of the time during the day. She lets her sugar level go very low and becomes incoherent sometimes. But she isn’t grateful for it and I pretty much hate her, for many more reasons than one. […]
I feel like I should have done something more to help. More often then not I feel completely useless. I worry that when I tell him these things he is on his side of the line rolling his eyes. The more I think the sadder I become. I want to stop thinking. I want to end it all. I try to change myself into to something else and lose sight of who I am. Am I even who I think I am? I have so many questions not getting answered. Not that anyone should even worry. I am prone to ruining shit especially relationships. I […]
I don’t know how to start this
But I feel like I need to get it out there
The words that are stuck in my throat
They need to come out of the darkness
And into this world because if they dont
Im just going to keep bottling it up
I guess I was always okay with what I looked like
Then one day that changed
I got more self conscious of my weight
My hips, my stomach, my waist
All of it I hated because it was never perfect to me
My hips were never wide enough
My stomach was never flat enough
My […]