“It starts out with a question. How much of it is real?
The skepticism sets in, and lessens your appeal
Next, you study conspiracy, develop some theories
And become extra wary of all your previous learned material
Your tolerence for stupidity degrades
Most of your friends seem to be trapped in the maze
You narrow your associates down to the few you can stand
And even they sometimes wonder what’s going on in that head of yours
You study east and western philosophy, psychology, physics
You think […]
Tag:
escape
Our time together felt like a storm, like wild wind and rain, like something too big to handle but too powerful to escape. It blew around me and tangled my hair, left water on my face, made me know that I am alive, alive, alive. There were moments of calm and pause as there are in every storm, and moments when our words fork lightening, at least for each other.
I’ll come, soon….and we’ll have our love again.
I’m trying to cut ties from those who are trying to get close to me. I already have many relatives to mourn for me, but I’d rather not bring outsiders heartache when I free myself. It sounds selfish and heartless, but the pain I feel in my heart gets heavier each passing day. It makes more sense to isolate this pain in one specific group rather than have it explode out of proportion, even though that may happen anyway.
I live alone in my mind with my demons and I’m doing a pretty good job keeping them entertained. They shouldn’t know about these inhabitants, they will […]
I woke up screaming early this morning from a bad dream. In the dream, I was traveling down a road with my dog when a large black bear appeared at the end of the street. My dog, being the brave little idiot that he is, charged the bear. In the dream, I was screaming at him to come to me so that I could protect him from the bear. Of course, he wouldn’t listen and the bear was snarling and swiping at him with his huge paws. I was terrified that the bear was going to kill my dog.
I finally got my dog away from […]
hello. I’m kaelyn. I’m 15. this is the part of my story that isn’t so great but i figured that I need to start somewhere.
my parents were 18 when I was born. they weren’t together. I want born into a freakishly religious family. I am not religious at all.
anyways.
I think that the bad thoughts (hurting myself, wanting to die) began around age 8. my mom had a boyfriend who lived with us and my sister was 4. my mom worked all the time. her boyfriend was very abusive. one of the last things i witnessed him do was hold my mom in the air and […]
I need to heal, and travel to the icy end of the continent.
Humble, the express; no longer want to wait.
Come on, with the golden nimbus machine, summon the story of death.
Free my dying soul, forever to celestial. I am that I am, see with your eye.
A beast of hell. Who I am, an exiled human child. Faith is a haunted ghost.
Uttermost, gutter-most, oblivious. A beast of hell, a worldly.
Seven billion and nobody. Everyone, gone. All that is so much wrong.
Escape the world. Forever lost. Until the next saga.
Oracle of faith. Save me today.
the last strain is called comatose.
I do not want to get too close to the radiation.
a falling astral sound of the heart.
I only pray to one.
Icarus. Can you ever be born again.
I am the only that dies in this world.
I won’t walk again into the shop.
God. Is not just a word.
God, is the Almighty. Turning the word into capital.
The new age. I befall, stricken. Damnation secretly lives.
In front of our eyes. Inside our hearts.
But I just want to breathe. A trio, and all that I can’t do.
My salvation. Under the ocean. Descending.
A magician, there is […]
where may I go to go transform. into the golden metallical.
what nebulous smite can our hell bring.
how do we escape at the level zero. but then it’s just me.
karma here does not exist in my land. battalion of true hell.
or go fuck yourselves.
there is only one path. I understand.
I am, that I am. i have no heart. cut.
see with your eye, my hell.
the dragon. the boar. the dog. the monkey.
all dead.
i must escape ground zero.
take me. direct me. then leave me.
guiding star. that could be a plan.
then hopefully maybe if, in our other saging […]
It’s almost 2AM. I’m in my room alone. Crying my eyes out wanting to die. I haven’t felt this way in over a month. I look at my scars and notice them fading. Why are they leaving me I don’t want to see them go. They’re such a big part of me, I swear they’re my closest friends. I’ve tried everything to clear my mind, but nothing seems to work. I’ve tried snapping a a rubber band, I’ve tried drawing a butterfly,I’ve tried all I can think. I don’t know what wrong with my mind. all I know is that it’s back. The urge to […]
I’m just simply worthless. my only escape from life is sleep. if only I could choose to never wake up.
I want to go home. I don’t understand anymore. My life is full of happiness and love, I have everything I could ever want, I like who I am. I am strong in my religion, I have lots of friends and lots of people that love me. Why am I considering suicide? I’m on medication and I go to therapy. Why am I still anxious and depressed? I’m so scared. I don’t remember how to be happy. The thought of killing myself scares me, why am I still tempted? I wish I knew how to fix this. Right now, it seems killing myself is the […]
I am so pissed!!!!! My sister and I had an argument and she decided to slap me across the face. I want to just slap he and crush her head in. But if I do that then I’m the one in trouble and I cant do anything about it. I’m suffocating in this house and the only final escape is death.
I hate my arms. I’m covered in scars. I smile and pretend I’m totally fine, I laugh and I joke. Among my friends I’m the one who cheers them up, gives the best advice, makes them laugh. Do they genuinely feel close to me? I don’t feel close to them. I don’t really feel close to anyone. I can’t let people in.
I was doing a good job of it recently, I was opening up. Light was shining a little in my life. Just a teeny bit. I pined for years. I pined and I pined and I pined. Finally last year I realized my pining […]
I forgot the first line. Who the fuck is going to save me.
Gona go, try. Go, go. Battletoad. But I can’t.
Oh yeah. I need to stay clear, my eternal spectrum, and sober.
Be like water. Time to recuperate. I need to escape.
Seven years of acidic death. My scroll. My blood.
Faith of God, you would understand. Higher kind.
In your heart. Enlighten. Become a Man, a Woman.
Superman and Wonder Woman, and all the others.
Game-station. Do no forsake the forsaken. My chain, I wish I could of…
Saved you all. That is my mission.
The music of Mankind. Goddess resurrection. Our Men, our warriors.
Capitalize. Our world, system of hell. Seraphim, Seraphim, put out […]
I always end up in a depressed state, eating disorder state, anxiety state and so on. Every time I’m in these states, I always end up convincing myself that I’m okay and by acting so fake and by acting like I’m okay, I begin to believe I am, even though I’m still sick.  And when I realize that I’m not okay, I end up back in these states. The truth is, although depression, self harm, bulimia and so on are killing me inside and hurting me, I actually love being depressed, self harming and having an eating disorder, but I end up loving these sicknesses until they […]
So I just experienced the worst part of my day. Waking up. It’s 1pm and i just woke up. I was dreaming. My favorite pass time.
I honestly don’t enjoy anything else in life. Dreaming is an escape from life…from the depression. I can’t seem to find joy in anything else. I stopped taking my depression medication. I honestly didn’t see any difference.
whaterver…
I wish someone, something would kill me immediately.
Alas, no one cares enough to do that. Â It is nice that no one cares to pretend, but that would be the clincher. Â If no one will let you escape pain, they’d rather have you suffer for their own sake, they don’t truly care. Â They cannot truly care.
I don’t want to hear about plans or whatever God has to say. Â None of it matters in the slightest.
back to my homeplace and I do not the feelings I should. I am not excited or even remotely happy about it. I am frightened. I have the usual, “common”, yet unrealistic anxiety about the actual flight itself. Its the other things I am worried about too. About running out of medication, about having an anxiety attack, about not being able to sleep, about having alcohol, about losing my mind by not having routine, not doing enjoyable activities, having to lie about who I am because my family won’t accept me. I took the vacation in the first place because I needed to escape my […]
I expected too much, didn’t i? i made my destination too high and then expected myself to reach there too quickly. i despised myself for every shortcoming i encountered. am i not like that youth in thus spoke zarathustra? i often skip steps, and for that no step forgive me. the more my hopes go higher, the more my passions go downward. what do i seek in the heights? i tried to give a word for my seeking, and since i had heard that ‘nirvana’ is the highest achievable thing , i gave it to my seeking. but the truth is that seeking in me […]
Just how many times have I wanted to cry.
But somehow “it’s not manly to cry”.
And I’ve never really cared about this weird social norm, but now the tears just won’t come.
I am reaching but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I’ll escape now from this world
From the world of my beloved
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go on
My soul cries out in anguish every time I get backstabbed by the one I love most.