That moment you realize they were right. You are nothing….never will be. What am doing wrong that people see right through me. Wish bad things on me. Is it cause i am not pretty enough…or because i just not what you want. That moment everything clicks. That moment when getting on your knee’s praying to god begging him to end it become a norm. People just don’t realize how easily easily easily easily there words can influence someone decision. Like i wish that i wasn’t afraid to just do it. I know that as the time pass on me being afraid will soon fade. I […]
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I loved you with all of my heart. We’ve been apart for two months and you have no idea how much I think of you. Still. Every. Single. Day. The last time we talked, we fought, after trying to be “friends” for a few weeks. It came as a shock to me, because we never fought. But when we occasionally did, I never defended myself. You’re the one person I can’t stand up to. I loved you too much to fight you. But this time I did. This time was different. You told me I wasted months of your life… funny. You didn’t even get […]
It’s omniscient to watch all the people close to you drift away. Those that keep yourself together move apart, they reveal all your cracks and damages. And who would want to be around damaged goods? Who has the time, the energy, the effort to give a damn. The world is not full of those who repair broken antiques and beauty. No one is willing or able at the same time to lend both their hands to hold a half of you in each. It doesn’t matter how penitent you are, no matter how generously you try, there isn’t much of a hope that someone will […]
I have been feeling alright for the last 2 weeks, didn’t have any massive anxiety or worries, I was able to enjoy the things that I usually enjoy. For people who knows the feeling it is a signal that your depression is away/lessened 🙂
Last Friday and this weekend was especially good, I even enjoyed food and considered doing some sports. Didn’t have any suicidal thoughts, which I have several times every day normally. So, lets say I was feeling good.
But of course it doesn’t stay like that does it, everything came back with full force again today. Anxiety again, worries again, writing here on SP […]
What do you do when you’re divided into two again? When the part that wants to wait and fight is barely heard, and the other part wakes? When you can’t understand the words coming from your mouth… when everything is a blur of colours, noise, confusion and pain, and you stop believing you have the ability to make it end. Do you keep fighting for a forgotten world? Should you be afraid that you’re glimpsing into a past world where control belonged to something else in your mind? Do you listen? It’s like something sharing your mind, some dark, twisted thing, is alive again. It’s […]
I’m losing everyone. The two friends I thought would stand by me throughout everything, I’m losing them. I guess its good in some ways, because when the time nears for me to end it all I wont have to push them away and they wont have to hurt at all. They’ll be rid of me for good soon enough. I just hope they have good lives without me.
I’m afraid that when the time comes Ill back out, Ill think of someone, something, a ‘what if’. But I know my life will turn to shit whether I end it or not. I don’t want to have […]
I never though that I would honestly feel this way because I thought I would always be happy but I guess not. I always felt upset for some reason. Something would just happen that was happy it turned out to be upsetting when I thought of something different. I mean people would notice anything because they were to selfish and thinking about their stuck up lives and making a reason to make other people feel bad for them which I though was kinda stupid because other people are going through harder times which they don’t understand. I just want to go away that’s the easiest […]
I got everything in the mail finally. About 10 mins ago I used an extra shoe string to bend the nozzle on the helium tank so it remains open and provides a constant flow.
I had to purchase a couple of small plumbing fixtures to create an adapter to fit the hose on the tank. But I’ve got an airtight seal so there’s no leakage.
Ive already learned how to put on the mask and got it fitted just right.
So I’m ready to go. Now the next time I get sick. Instead of laying here in agony for 3 days, I’m OUT!!!
Special thanks to whoever posted the […]
My friend has been through a lot two years ago he moved to Louisiana and when he was over there a lot of things happened to him he’s suicidal and depressed he feels so much pain everyday and I hate it he’s mad for things that happened over there where he used to live I really want to help him but he tells me that he can’t forget about everything that happened he’s addicted to cutting but I’m not there when he’s cutting so how can I stop him I want him to be happy and not feel this pain I get so mad because […]
I never thought it would be like this. I never thought I’d want to end my life. When I first thought about it, it scared me but now I’m embracing it. I’m rude, selfish, annoying,stupid, everything you can think of. Im mad though, at my self mostly. Why couldnt I be happy? Why am I such a *****? Why? Why do I always mess everything up? My parents hate me, im failing two classes already, i dont have any close friends. But most of all, I’m tired. Im tired of being alone, Im tired of hating my self so much and most of all, Im […]
haven’t been on here a while, I haven’t been busy I’ve just been confused about everything like I act like nothng is wrong but I’m getting fucked up inside I cant cant even think straight without crying, Like have you ever sat with your friends and just known that you’re the least important friend in the group and you felt like it wouldn’t make a difference if you were there or not…
Okay, please don’t read this unless you are prepared to read a long winded story of my life. Many of you won’t understand and that’s okay.
The relevant part of this story starts in third grade. Back then, everything was bright and shiny, and death unthinkably far off. Sure, I knew it existed, but I never saw it up close. Then, my teacher died of cancer. I get scared, more than the other kids, for some reason. I tell my friends that they should be scared too, that we could die at any moment, and, like third graders, they don’t take me seriously. After a while, […]
Today has been painful.
Every time I came out of my darkened room the light made me ill within 5-10 minutes. Each time it happened I made my way back to bed, hardly able to walk. Talking to my mum made me ill. Every time we talked for five minutes I’d have to lie down, confused, with my body aching all over. Any sensory stimulation makes me worse. I think I could cope with all the physical effects of illness if I wasn’t already severely depressed, although the way it affects my brain feels unbearable.
All day I’ve been looking forward to the eclipse, but because of […]
I’m tired. Tired of everything. Well not everything. I’m not tired of the times when I feel some sort of happiness, I’m not tired of the times when I’m alone and no one bothers me, but I’m tired of the rest of it. Tired of people relying on me to help them with things that I cant even help myself with. That was always the case with my former best friend. She seemed as though she was in the same situation as me, although I never really saw her looking sad or wanting to die. We are no longer friends but at the time she […]
I’ve thinking about this lately. I do it because the physical pain destructs me from everything else, but this girl I was talking to the other day said she used it as an outlet for her anger. Just curios to know what other people’s motives were.
I got to school late today, I walked in and there were kids flooding the hallways, I just had my earbuds in and I was walking. All I could hear was my music and it’s amazing, nobody cares and that’s just the cold hard truth. They look at me and they avoid me because I am apparently “hard to approach.” It’s amazing cus I just as easily walked passed my boyfriend and all my friends, but nope not a single head turned my way. Nobody notices me. It would be like that if I were dead too cus I’m just that girl with pink hair […]
A guy from my school recently killed himself and it brought back my suicidal thoughts. It made me remember everything and now I just can’t get it out of my head. I want to just finally end it all. It seems so much better. I mean I just hate my life, I literally hate it. I can’t live this life anymore and I can’t sit here waiting for somebody to realize it and suddenly care
I’m so done with life honestly. Literally no one likes me anymore. Everyone hates me or uses me. I feel like I’m at rock bottom right now. I just got a job, but that’s only because my mom pushed me. I literally rely on getting drugs or getting intoxicated somehow at least everyday. And I go crazy when I don’t. I’ve now slept with 10 people within a year and my friends are all telling me once I hit 11 I’m a slut and I really feel like it’s true. I’m literally a fuck up. My family doesn’t even like me anymore or give a […]
I don’t know what I am going to write. I am very acutely aware of everything that happens in me. That’s my property, that’s my specialty. What I am incapable of is- changing it. Life is hell for person who knows he is a hypocrite. The loops and spirals this reflecting produces. An endless blame game. Yeah, I did it. I left this goddamned city one morning and went to the place from where Himalayas start. There they were, vast, majestic. Fuck it’s too embarrassing to even tell what happened next. I came back. Yes, I FUCKING CAME BACK. The loneliness that dawned to me, […]
I’m new here..and I just desperately need to type this out with the anonymity that comes with the internet. I’m so..very tired. I’m not sure what’s wrong. Since I was little..maybe 7 I became withdrawn. Depression rose and finally last year when I was 24 I finally collapsed when the anxiety decided to come out full blown. My mother took to immediate care once she found me 4 times curled up sobbing for no reason. By that time I had taken off work, my grades were garbage, I had stopped eating, stopped everything but lay in bed and cry. My father says it’s in my […]