I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. Life is just taking control of everything. It’s summer and my mom still hasn’t found out about my cuts and scars. I just need someone to talk to, please? Someone that understands me. I just miss the Jada I used to be.
Tag:
everything
Hey..
Did you know that I cried myself to sleep last night?
Did you know that I sit alone in class?
Did you know that my friends talk behind my back?
Did you know that I fake a smile?
Did you know that I lie when I say I’m alright?
Hey… Hey, mom..
Did you know that thoughts of suicide became an ordinary thing for me?
Did you know that it hurt when you called me fat?
Did you know what I go through at school?
Did you know how much it hurts when I don’t get a higher mark in my tests, and to see the disappointment on everyone’s faces when I fail their […]
I’m a piece of fucking shit and this world should throw a “thank fuck he’s dead” no-expense-sparred party when I drop dead! After dreading my cousins wedding for days and not sleeping for the past week it’s turned out as bad as I imagined. Ofc it would because everything that could have gone wrong in my life has and always will occur… my mum dying shortly after I was born, being beaten and abused, bullied, being fucking retarded and barely hitting puberty, and being mentally ill.
I fucked up the whole day. I got lost driving to the place, I couldn’t find a seat and everyone […]
I’m sitting behind my desk, IT employee.
For the past week, I’ve been resisting an overwhelming urge to put a bullet through my head.
Today the urge is very bad. I had quit smoking a year ago and starting last week i’m smoking again. I’ve been up 5 hours an I’ve smoked a pack already.
I’m at a point where I need to talk about this but can’t find anyone to talk to, not even my fiance. We’re getting engaged next week.
My heart keeps beating rapidly and I’m visualizing myself pulling that trigger and that bullet would go into my head and turn everything off.
I’m doing well, good […]
Last night i tried to commit suicide.. but i just couldn’t take my other leg off the bed, my mom has a rope at the side of the house in an old BBQ thing i tried to reach it out my window but the bars on my window only let me go so far, i couldn’t reach it so i used the strap from my purse, and put the medal part on the hook on my ceiling, my other leg was slowly slidding off and my vision was going black my whole upper body went numb and then that’s when i started thinking about everything […]
Why am I still here at all? I’m a fucking failure at everything to do with life – including ending it. I could have jumped that not-so-fair day in May. I could be at peace, or whatever it is that happens after death, sleeping in a pine box 6 feet underground. I could have left all this shit behind me. . . so why am I still here?
To die, or not to die. To live, or not to live – those are the questions. I thought for a while I had escaped the dim cloud of gloom that hovers over me, but it has again […]
seriously this life is killing me ,
so hurt that i cant sleep…
they took everything
Slow down, i can’t keep up
while your waiting here
for me
saveme,save me
i can see you,
u think your gone
but your visible and so dark
Some one will Find me
Im waiting my hand are numb it raining, am i done?
Impatient ,can i go now ?
lett me leave
in love with life thats beyond me
Socially phobic, housebound, very depressed, panic disorder, no prospects or way out
written by coldbloodedoldtimes
Hi all
I’ve been debiliated by a very strong fear of people for years that got worse and worse and worse, this severe social phobia then caused depression, then panic attacks and agoraphobia. I’m now 24 and have nothing at all going for me. I can’t see any way out of my situation- yes depression plays a part in this, but my social phobia leaves me pretty much a selective mute who has been largely housebound for 5 years. I couldn’t finish education, I couldn’t work, I now have literally nothing on my CV, and even if my social phobia magically went away and I didn’t […]
Sickness, pain and everlasting guilt. Mistakes and terrible decisions made and repeated once more. Memory fails me unsure if  it’s due to anxiety, fear and shutting down or something more sinister.
I’ve pushed everyone away, Â ran away, I miss my friends but after six months of me pushing them away, hiding, ignoring i doubt they want anything to do with me. Who can blame them, im uselss, boring and so withdrawn. And I can’t even admit how terrible I have been.
I have thought about death so much this year. I wanted to end it all so many times. I went to a funeral of a dear […]
Ive been suffering from depression and suicidal ideation for roughly two years now, though I can remember my first time saying I want to die was in the 3rd grade. Two years ago I lost what I had believed as to be everything I had wanted. A house, nice car, a fiancee, I was happy and full of confidence.
Unfortunately I had the pleasure of losing all of that Plus more within 6 months time. Fiancee crashed my car, insurance wouldn’t pay for it, fiancee broke up with me, realized she had been cheating, kicked me out, and stopped paying the mortgage. House is in […]
I am a 19-year old woman that has struggled with severe depression, anxiety, and eating disorders for the better part of my life.
All my life I needed to feel like someone needed me. Of course no one hasn’t; I’m a flaw in every way imaginable. I hurt people I love without intention and I never forgave myself for it. I just wanted someone to notice something wrong but nobody ever did. I didn’t mean for everything to come this far.
The man I love once told me that suicide is one of the most selfish acts one can committ. Its true. Suicide is an awful thing, […]
I am breathing, but barely. Life was, “O-K”, for a while. And then…And then my life nosedived. My mental state went from being stable to barreling into the Mariana’s Trench. I ate, but the food had no taste. I drank, but nothing was cool enough. I saw but everything was in grayscale. I felt nothing. Not the wind in my face, nor the heat of the bath. I felt my heartbeat in my chest as if it were a taunting reminder of the cord that holds me to life.
Moving on in the night, I once gained a sense of comfort from cleaning; and so I […]
Weird is planning your kid’s bat mitzvah, studying for the bar exam, talking to your friends like everything’s fine, and making arrangements for your death all at the same time. When I first saw this house I said I would die here. It wasn’t what I meant at the time. but it turns out I was right, nonetheless.
Let’s talk together on Skype or Google hangouts. I need some friends to talk to. I’m 25 years old lonely…. I need some friends…. post your IDs below, I’ll add you guys, don’t forget to put your asl as well…
fuck plattitudes
fuck this feeling
fuck everything… life sucks……
so fustrated, i dont even know what to say….
fuck this
No one has the big picture in mind. It’s sad. Everyone is preoccupied with their little pointless material things and pointless humdrum routines to really look at what happens after everything is gone. What will you have left? Where will you go?
I guess I’m still pretty mad over what someone said to me. Someone I never expected to say such a thing. That if I end it, he won’t go to my funeral because he can’t glorify someone who does that to themselves. I never once asked for glory or sympathy. Only for an understanding ear. Maybe to be talked out of what I want […]
I am just after some validation
Basically I cheated on my 20 week pregnant wife with our second child. I am an asshole. Now she is alone, with a 22 month old, no job, no income…. It’s aweful. I want to give her everything. Im not angry at her. She is at me. She doesnt want me to ever see the kids again and that im not a fit parent. And you know what, she is right! I am an aweful person. Im not a fit father or husband. She says she’ll make it hell for me to see the kids… and she will and I […]
im tired of feeling so alone ,im really having a hard time with everything nd i literally have NO1 to talk to everything is just built up inside me which is really overwhelming im just sooo lonely 🙁
I hate the moment when a decision becomes a regret.
I kept telling myself that everything would work out. Â But there comes a point where you can’t lie to yourself anymore. I feel like I’ve dug myself a hole that’s too deep. All the little things that IÂ tried to overlook are surfacing. I can’t reason with myself anymore, I can only see the negative.
It’s suffocating.
The note is complete. not really the best but its fine. but even now, when i am this close, i am not sure. its still looking like a hazy dream. David455 once asked here – “Is suicide romantic?” i can now definitely understand this question. but he went through the whole process. even now, when i can do it any day, its looking like a romantic idea.
I am not sure. Have i tried enough? ofcourse i have. there is no try left. being in the middle is a shitty situation. all you can do is rot. i do not suffer enough to do it without […]