Someone help me understand why I continue to do everything in my power to make a man happy? Four years, and a child later and I’m still a wreck. The good days make me feel powerful, confident, loved. But those good days only come a few times a month. All I ask is for respect, loyalty, attention. I give you all you need, plus some. I don’t wanna feel terrible every day. But I don’t know life without you. What am I supposed to do with myself? I love you so much, but I want to love myself more.
Tag:
everything
It all started 4 months ago,when I had a surgery..I never felt like that before..I was in the hospital for 2 weeks..Every day I thought that someone will visit me,at least show me that they care a little..But,no one came,not even the person I called my best friend..When I told him I was in hospital,he said he didn’t notice I was gone..That hurted me a lot..That was the first time I felt lonely and the first night I cried..After a while,suicidal thought’s started to come..I started praying every night to god that something change..but nothing did..Then,one night I met someone over the internet,I never thought […]
Hey everyone,
I’m new to this “posting” online to strangers but I guess we’re not since we all have something in common. Which is suicide. Recently my ex-girl friend left me completely, and she is out of my life forever now…. I fell in love with her again before it happened… torn me up inside really badly. After that happened, I fell into a dark depression and felt suicidal through the months since November 2013. I still am today and the thoughts are coming back. I let go […]
I don’t know what i’m doing with my life. Does anybody know? Like, Jobs said that life would have worked out looking backwards: it would have been a “connecting the dots” of all the little decisions made, and at the end everything would have become clear.
I think i will draw anything but a scrawl, when it will come my time. Everyone has his share of defeat but defeat itself has a meaning, that is the fight; what are we doing instead, me and my generation, drunk saturday, studying monday, working tuesday, wednesday married – how is it that these serial mass-produced lives could signify anything more […]
I’d like anyone reading this to take note of every word I write.
I’m furious.
I’m nearly murderous.
I’m hateful.
I’m blackening in my rage.
My thoughts would scour your minds clean,
Leaving you incapacitated, searching for answers.
The truth is, I’m sad and lonely, just like all of you.
But unlike the majority of you, I choose to unleash my sadness in a glorious rage.
I don’t take drugs,
I don’t cut myself,
I don’t starve myself,
I am better than that.
I choose to be furious and attack everything with the ferocity and indignation that only true insanity can grant…
And there is a distinct possibility […]
I’m tired of it all. Tired of everything. im sickand tired of hoping, of trying, of fighting foranything anymore. I don’t see the point. I’mtired of people saying things get better, sayingthat xyz will happen just be patient. I’m tired of people not understanding-of just saying I’m overreacting to little things. I’m tired of notfitting in, I’m tired of hating myself, I’m tired ofhating people, I’m tired of hating life. I’m tired of everything in life being sugar coated, I’m tired of the lies, I’m tired of false hopes. I don’t want to do it anymore. im just so tired and done with everything. i don’t want to think anymore. i don’t want to be me, i dont want tolive life, i dont want to be in this life or this world. im tired of just trying to keep myself from reaching an actual point where im ready to follow through with suicide.
i dont want to be. i just want it all to stop. idon’t want to deal. i wish i could just putmyself in a self-induced coma. i dont want tobe stuck alone anymore in this body with mythoughts trapped in this world. i cant do itanymore…i dont even know why im not throughouly suicidal right now. i can’t do it anymore….i don’t want to do it. i don’t want to try or pretend to be okay for some period of time just to end up right back here again. i just deceive myself and latch on to false hopes and stupid fantasies to get by…im done
I hate life. What’s the point in living when you have nothing? I always have this weight on my chest and its so hard to breathe. I just want to scream fuck everything. I don’t want people to tell me it gets better, it doesn’t. I hate when people say they know how I feel. You don’t know a damn thing about me. I don’t show how I feel. And it’s going to stay that way.
Just read a highly inspiring post called “Why are you still here?”. That is a great question, why are we (hurt, abused, heart broken, destroyed, ready to give up on life) still here? Everyone has a reason, everyone has a PURPOSE. It took a lot for me to find that out. I’m pretty depressed right now, it has actually gotten worst as this new year came in, nothing has gone right everything is turning for the worst. Dreams, memories, everyday experiences all going wrong. Came on here to read over my posts to see how far I’ve gotten, but that one post caught my eye […]
It is not okay to kill yourself. It is mean, it is selfish, it is disgusting. My bother was my best friend in the whole world. He was my go to guy for everything. He was strong, he was beautiful, and he was horribly selfish. He took his own life and left me here to try to live without him. It was too mean, too horrible, too awful for me to wrap my head around it. My mother can not stand to get out of bed, my dad had to cut his baby down when he found him hanging in the basement. My brother is […]
Do you get that?
Because you think everything is “boring and a waste of time.” Â You can’t actually believe it… it must be an excuse to justify you doing nothing to change your life and start living on your own terms.
They know nothing of how hard exactly you’ve worked to change it and they assume that it is indeed possible to change. Â Knowing nothing about you, this is the pure assumption they cling to to discredit how you really feel. Â That it must be impossible for someone to take no pleasure in doing anything and find that the mere act of existing is the waste of […]
it’s happening again. I thought I could move and everything would be better. I’ve tried. I’m exercising, I’m in a new location, I have new friends, I’m pretty, smart, talented, etc. what the fuck is wrong with me
I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t do anything. except sit here and feel sorry as fuck for myself. because that’s all I am is sorry. I don’t know how I’m gonna get better. nothing is working. I can’t do it alone. I need some sort of medical help because this shit isn’t working. I wish I could leave myself. like it’s so easy for […]
sister became rebellious. i got punished for her actions. moved away to another counrty. dad didnt come with. got bullied at school. girls acted like friends but stole from mw. i switch schools the nwxt year. sister rebells smokes weed and does stuff with a boy. mom hates me . she hits us , and makes us do everything by ourselves. its like we have no mom. at school no one stalks to me for months they think im emo. everything okay for awhile. dad comes home. spends 20000 dolars all of our savingz. on a lady he cheatdd on my mom multiple times including […]
sister became rebellious. i got punished for her actions. moved away to another counrty. dad didnt come with. got bullied at school. girls acted like friends but stole from mw. i switch schools the nwxt year. sister rebells smokes weed and does stuff with a boy. mom hates me . she hits us , and makes us do everything by ourselves. its like we have no mom. at school no one stalks to me for months they think im emo. everything okay for awhile. dad comes home. spends 20000 dolars all of our savingz. on a lady he cheatdd on my mom multiple times including […]
I think we all know the feeling of sitting in the corner of your dark, lonely room. Trying not to wake your parents as tears slowly drown you. As you start to see the sun rise you get up off the floor. You wipe your tears and start with your day. You fake getting up and getting ready to look pretty. You head off to school and act like everything is fine and you laugh and smile. But on the inside you know it’s not okay. No one knows you cried all last night. No one would even guess that. You head home. You lock […]
I thought fuck this. I considered suicide. I looked on Google as I search Google for everything. I wanted a painless way to die but I couldn’t find one.
I didn’t want to feel any sort of pain or discomfort matter of fact I didn’t want my life to end I just wanted the bad stuff to stop. I still wanted to hang in my PJ’s all day, watch movies & eat junk. I just didn’t want the crap like expectations/
get a job
keep it
b successful
have children get married
That moment when u don’t know if what you want today is what you actually want or what todays brain chemistry is telling you that’s what you want and if tommorrows brain chemistry will tell you the same thing or the exact opposite, in such a case do you take half if it or sack up and drink beer untill everything becomes not thing more than something to piss against, prehoas dogs have the right idea. They sniff something to see if its interesting then they piss on it and keep going.. Perhaps that’s where humanity has gone wrong
My boyfriend who “loves me” is messaging his ex, saying they are close friends or whatever . Well I don’t like it, it’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s about respect and if theirs no respect in a relationship then theirs no relationship.
It’s not the fact that he can text her a storm and rarely message me throughout the day no, but for him to get upset about my feelings?
He wouldn’t like it of I were to be messaging my Ex, no, no, no he wouldn’t. You know what else he wouldn’t like if my Ex messaged me saying […]
Lets start here… I have been with my boyfriend for more than 7 months. I know he loves me, he will cry in front of me when i’m mean to him (I’m bipolar) and he does sweet things for me. But here’s the problem… I’m overly jealous and insecure and it gives me really bad anxiety. I’m this way because All my life i’ve been around a mother who goes from boyfriend to boyfriend and would tell me how shitty men are and that they are all the same. Growing up around her made me believe everything she told me. So soon enough i started […]
i dont even know where to start… the title sums up everything.
At the moment that I am typing, I am quite drunk. Unlike all the times in the past, for the very first time, I am actually drunk for a good reason. I am not drunk because I am depressed. I am drunk because I am actually happy. I will be able to tell by tomorrow if I will be okay though.
I was making this IHOP shots (50% of Butterscotch Schnapps + 50% of Crown Royal Whiskey shot.. and then followed by orange juice) . It is actually quite tasty. After about 7 to 8 shots..you feel this feeling of FREEEEe……dom. Anyway, I am quite conscious […]