i dont know what i want. no one cares at all. im not even all that pretty, which proves im not loved just used. how many times am i ganna try suicide til i succeed? probably countless cuz i obviously suck at trying. my family hates me..thats not even a question..they really do. i want someone to listen to me. and when i say im upset to actually listen not ignore me cuz it upsets them. i want someone who will stay by my side no matter what happens. cuz i need them more then they know. my life was getting better now its spiraling […]
Tag:
Exes
I have voices. Telling me I’m worthless. Hated. Despised. Ones that want me to die, ones that want to kill me. Every night I dream terrible nightmares of being happily together again with my exes or simply sitting next to and holding the people I’ve lost. My mind makes me see people kill themselves. My mind makes me physically feel what’s going on. Whether I’m being stabbed or drowned or hung. I feel it. Every night. Then I wake up to the horrible reality that they are still gone; dead; hating me; and I’m still alive alone and in pain. My mind distorts what I […]
The thing is i’m not quite sure i know who i am any more and I dont really care.
I had a breakdown last week at a school trip. I  sat somewhere away from everyone else. I knew no one would come and check on me because they don’t see me as their real ‘friend’ because I’m too different from them. So I sat alone as my mind reminded me of everything that’s gone wrong and the reasons for them. I remebered why my friends left me. I remembered why I almost killed myself last year. I couldn’t think straight. Then as i’m about to cry who else to come […]
I felt numb yesterday. Now, I feel shitty, tired, and more useless than ever. I’m going to join the army, get shot or blown up and then that’s it. How will I get through high school though…Â
Sadness creeps into me, cold chills and sweat cover my body. I feel lonely, Jasmine. I love her so much, I don’t want to live without her. People said I have the symptoms of OCD. Possibly, but still, these feelings are as real as a blade cutting into me. (I ain’t a cutter)Â
 I wish she would tell me she wants to take back breaking up with me. She said […]
Today was the first day I ever looked on his website because I used to deny I was depressed but yesterday I was upset about my mom being hard on me and this drama that happened at school and I started cutting. Yesterday it was only with a earring and I didn’t even break the skin but today I used a razer and it feels so sour. I’m always repeating in my head ‘you’re so stupid just f*** off.’ I just always have been feeling worthless ever since one of my exes who was my really good friends before we went out call me a […]
I’m 28 years old. Â I’ve been what I’d call a depressive since I was probably 14. Â I tried to kill myself when I was 16 by overdosing on my anti-depressants. Â I haven’t tried since, mainly because I saw what the first attempt did to my parents. Â I was very fortunate in my parents; they’re loving and supportive, and I probably wouldn’t be writing this if it wasn’t for them. Â I swore on my Grandmother’s grave that I would never try again. Â That vow has also helped stopped me. Â But it’s losing its effectiveness. Â I don’t see the point anymore. Â Why should […]
If you don’t know the short story, look it up…
I’m always alone, or left alone, the people that supposedly care about me, do absolutely nothing to stop this pain. I’m always told to move on with life. WHAT LIFE? I have nothing left, no way to continue education or getting a job, my credit was completely destroyed by my own school, and my education opportunity completely destroyed by my ex. They take everything from me, but I’m not allowed to be angry, or depressed?! They steal money and people’s lives, and I’m not allowed to do anything to fight back? Why do they get rewarded […]