to keep it brief, it’s been rough lately, and busy to the point where I cry from exhaustion when I’m not crying out of fear or desolation. Monday was the first time I’ve talked to my school counsellor, and I think I’ve found a safe place to absorb a little comfort. Confidentiality only goes so far, and if I tell him I’m suicidal he may be obliged to call my parents, but if I don’t tell him I doubt he could help me.
I sincerely hope you’re all doing okay.
Why my amp? Because you wanted to make sure it hurt. To make sure I’d have 0 joy.
Replacement? Ha, far too broke. Official countdown begins. May sound trivial to most you but this is the cement truck that ran over a camel with a broken back.
“I’m drowning
Suffocating
Being crushed
So deep
Alone………So empty
It’s dark
I’m scared
I’m sinking
Will I die if I touch the bottom?
I’m drowning
I fear
dying this way
but the surface is so far above
how much strength do i have left?
Can I reach it?
Is that heaven?
or is it just a breathe of fresh air
before my heart gives out
and i sink back
into the sea
save me
Is there anyone out there?
But who can hear the cries
of a man with no voice
for i am in the depths
and my voice lies far above
will someone […]
Edit: I wrote this the other night when I was drunk, guess it’s just posted now…
In my current drunken state…we’re not as different as we feel. The people who we feel are far more “normal” as us are fighting similar battles as us. I’m sure I will feel far different as a sober me, but just know that the thoughts that bring us close to suicide are actually the same thoughts that bring us closer to others. In your moments of weakness and loneliness, try to have faith that you’re not as f-ed up and as alone as you feel….distant love to all <3.
Hello, Father. I never did live up to your expectations… Well, I guess I should thank you for creating me… That is creating this monster that shouldn’t exist! Even if it was just a chemical imbalance, it’s far too late to change anything! This family is already broken. Yet, you are too blinded to realize your actions are doing more harm than good. Enjoy your “freedom”, father.
Hello, Mother. You tell me to ignore the irrationality of father but it doesn’t matter anymore. A madness far worse than depression has already set in. It’s rather funny if you think about it… A one million dollar investment […]
Why did I have to sink this low? I opened up a new chapter in my life, graduated and got a job. I told myself that I’m going to try hard. I thought finally I found something I’m good at, some way to fit in society in a productive way. It was far from the truth.
So far I feel like I suck at my job. I suck at everything about it from the core of the job to communicating or even socializing with my coworkers.
I just can’t concentrate and keep my mind clear. I can’t focus when so many distracting thoughts pop in and out […]
I am surrounded by darkness,
And no one gives a damn.
Even though all I show is kindness,
My insignificance shows for who I am.
I feel so alone.
No one beside me.
So far away from what is supposed to feel like home.
Unable to even see.
It’s like a disease I’m confined to,
Casting off my every reach;
Disabling me to undo,
My pathetic way of speech.
I’ve been reading recent posts and think it’s a very positive thing that you make new year antecipations and resolutions. it means deep down you still have at leats a tiny shred of hope.
Lately i find myself living day by day and dreading the future, which for some who used to think far ahead makes me unrecongnisable for myself.
Keep up the good hopes 😉
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUg9nHU9LBk
Take heart, my little friend
And push back your seat
Soon we’ll be far away
Far from the street
Where you learned how to be
Not what you are
Up on the shoulder
There is a town
With a little motel
And an old movie house
We’ll go to a movie
Whatever it is
Watching the movie
The world’s gonna end
And there ain’t no place for
A boy and his friend
To go
I’ll pick some daisies
From the flower bed
Of the galaxy theater
While you clear your head
I thought some daisies
Might cheer you up
It’s impossible to explain the feeling of wanting to be at peace and that the only way your mind offers you the opportunity to obtain that peace is in death. It’s an unfamiliar feeling that’s become far too familiar, visits far too frequently and leaves you feeling far from your rational chain of thought. You don’t want to die, you don’t want to hurt those that you love and those that love you yet you can’t find the resolve within you to carry on. Each day is as painful, if not more so than the next. Regularly visiting the aquatic depths of depression that you […]
I feel so lost in this empty world filled with people. I can’t touch them, it’s like they’re so far away. Yet I stay here. Running around in circles. I sit down, but I cannot cry, because I know noone is there to say “It’s ok”. They’re not real. All fake. Go away..
My weekend so far has been okay besides last night when I pretty much cried myself to sleep. I honestly couldn’t tell you why I did that. Is that weird or like odd? But the good thing was that no one was home because it wasn’t a very good break down. It lasted for a few hours. I had no internet/TV, or family around so I guess the quietness and loneliness got to me? I’m used to loneliness in my house but quietness I can’t deal with lately. I’ve noticed I’ve been listening to music a lot more just to make my house seem more…alive.
Besides […]
He talks to me like im stupid and a bad mother. Im terrified of him as well…. im so far from home ive got no way to get back there away from him… im trapped here forever I guess…
Destruction from the inside out.
That’s how it goes.
Living in this fear and doubt
in depths no one knows.
All that’s left is void.
A calling left unheard.
A person to avoid.
A person called absurd.
I thought there might be someone
who could lend a helping hand?
But now I think I’ve realized no one
really ever can.
My soul is too far gone;
but too afraid to leave.
There is no such bond
that I cannot but grieve.
No point in living;
only of that sorrow brings.
No point in dying;
only of that hope still sings.
I would have but one regret;
a seeing things workout.
But I would be long set
in the cold hard ground cast out.
A watching from far and near
of […]
Nostalgia: Part 2.5
I remember being 16 and at a party thinking, “My 21st birthday is so far away.” My 21st is just around the corner now. I know I’m not old, but my god what the fuck am I doing..
My first time taking it was really recently. DAMN THAT STUFF IS AWESOME! Sure, it has fucked up side effects, but those are things for people who want to live to worry about, not me. Still suicidal, but at least now I see things the way they are:
I am meant to die as a lone wolf
I’ve tried acting ”normal” for far too long, and it’s time to be myself
I’m aggressive by nature. Spent far too much time pacify myself.
Suicide is the only happy ending I will be able to get, and I do not fear death anymore
Society is nothing but a bunch of half-retarded sheep […]
Anyone ever feel the urge to just walk into the mountains and see how far you can go until you collapse?
I’m almost 17 now. Yay for me, I guess. The only thing I can possibly feel proud about is the fact that I’ve made it this far, because honestly I didn’t think I would reach 17. Or maybe I did, but I didn’t want to; I’m too coward to let go off everything.
Hooray for another year in which I accomplished absolutely nothing worthy.
Hooray for another year of constant failures and hollow feelings.
Hooray for another year in which I lost more people whom I loved.
Hooray for me…
So I saw this post on my facebook feed a little bit ago, and thought I would share with you all. I haven’t finished watching it, but I can tell from what I’ve seen so far that many of us can relate to it. Hope you guys get something out of this =)
Codeine, Bedhead, Bluetile Lounge and other slowcore bands, you all speak my mind so completely. As to escape, it’s impossible. So I wander through school and through life, dealing with it all with drugs, self-harm and music. My solaces are few and far, and do not consist of anything living.
Anti-social yet lonely.
That is me, the freak in the corner, screaming for release. Yearning to leave, but knowing it’s futile.
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