I’m suicidal and have been for over 30 years, living one day at a time. That method of surviving has made life long and exhausting. I’m not suicidal because of some previous abuse (physical, sexual, etc.) or anything traumatic such as that. I’ve had a great life by most people’s standards. I just observed early in life as a shy, quiet, Asperger’s kid that there was not much to look forward to other than going through the same motions as everyone else–get educated, further that education, get some sort of job, advance in one’s career, make money, and pay bills–oh, and die. Sure there are […]
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Fast Food
I’m coming closer and closer to the day when finally the pain and misery of my life is greater than my ability to be able to cope with it.
I graduated college in 2007 with a Bachelor’s degree in Economics. Since then, I have applied to 1000s of positions. I can count the amount of just interviews I’ve had on two hands. I can’t even get hired on to bag groceries or work fast food.
I sleep on my parents’ couch. The only way I will ever get out of here is by dying. I have no money and as stated before absolutely no chance of finding […]
I am praying that I don’t wake up in the morning. I usually do this each night before I go to bed now. I don’t yet have the courage to end things myself but I keep thinking each day I will get braver. I know why I want to end my life would seem rediculas to many. silly.. but the pain my heart and mind are in is unbearable to me. I do not want to hear it will get better. that I will heal that there is other options or that someone out there cares. or will love me. I can not even begin […]
I’ve felt this way for a long, long time. Kind of been going thru the motions, doing what others (or I thought others) expected. Â Going to school, getting a job, married, having kids, etc. Just didn’t seem to care. Â Got divorced a couple of years ago, haven’t talked or seen the ex or kids since then. Just didn’t care. When I try to rationalize it, it seems like it should bother me. But it doesn’t. Actually, I haven’t seen or talked to my entire family. I just don’t have the connections that you would expect between people that are family. Â Never did, I was always […]
Everyone’s annoying and out to get you. Your friends are disrespectful and unappreciative little cunts who don’t give a shit about what you’re going trough (the only reason they ask ,,what’s wrong” is purely curiosity) and the people around you stopped appreciating you a long time ago.Â
You’re an ugly little ***** who no guy will ever date, fuck or marry.
You’re not doing well in school or work ergo you deserve to die because you’re a useless member of this society.Â
By wanting to kill yourself, talking about depression and anxiety, having anger fits and complaining makes you either boring or a scary individual that nobody wants […]
I’m unhappy, I haven’t been diagnosed with depression, but I find that I’m easily depressed. The only moment of repose I feel is either when I’m asleep, (due to the fact that I do not dream, it’s just blackness and my worries fade away… until I wake up and find them again) and when I’m with my girlfriend (one of the few reasons I feel I can continue).) I get this uncomfortable, heavy feeling in my chest a lot when I’m sad and it makes me want to tear my heart out. I often am discouraged due to my lousy fast food job, my lack […]
I tried a new approach to deal with my depression; acknowledging it as a sickness of the mind and body but not anything to do with me personally. I take full responsibility for my past and every action I’ve taken up to this point in life, but the issues slowing me down aren’t my own.
All throughout my life, I’ve been shown the way I should be by the people around me. What I should be doing, the type of things I should study, the work I should go out for, partying and living it up etc etc; so I’ve been conditioned to hate myself […]
That’s what it has felt like for a while. Like I’m just lingering in this fucking limbo where I know I’m tired of living, I know I only hurt people and disappoint them and make their lives more difficult. I am really just 21 years of promise culminating into failure. My own boyfriend is kind of sick of me, even. I can tell. I don’t talk about this stuff with him because he doesn’t deserve the burden. Though I guess it’s hard to hide it when you get depressed (I am not diagnosed, my twin brother is; I have too much shame to see a […]
I haunt this website sometimes. There have been plenty of times I’ve had something to say, to everyone or to one person or sometimes to no-one at all. This is the first time I’ve done anything about it.
If I had to choose, I think it would be heroin. An overdose of it. The circumstances are impossible for me to achieve, but if I had a choice, that would be it.
This time, I learned how to tie a noose. It was very quick. Simple. Elegant, when it was finished. I waited until the house was empty. No-one said goodbye as they left, just as they rarely […]