I got an amazing job today and everything is starting to work out I guess but I just feel like complete shit
Tag:
feel
My gender kind of really gets me down, which causes me to freak out and cut, to feel a little bit better. And I feel like I don’t want to live if I don’t know who I am, and I can’t live like this much longer.
I identify as genderfluid or genderflux, but use she/her pronouns in everyday life (mainly because no-one knows). I hate the fact that I don’t feel I can be open about my gender, because of my family. They’d be okay with it, but I just wouldn’t want them to treat me differently.
I don’t know whether I want to start […]
For as long as i can remember i felt like i dont belong. As i get older i feel it even more. I cannot die tho i welcome the thought. You see i have kids and grandkids. But most of the time i feel they wud be better off without me around. Everything i touchgoes to crap. Everyone i love leaves. I tried to end my life twice a long time ago and failed at that just as i fail at everything. I am now in the middle of my 4th divorce and have finally figured out i am meant to be alone. I just […]
Wondering if anyone else here diagnosed with Dysthymia would be interested in an ongoing email conversation. Not about anything specific really, but i have a new theory that having a buddy in your phone (or on your computer) that knows exactly how you feel at times could be beneficial. I’d like to test this theory. I’m thinking if it works for addicts then why not depressives? If it’s more than one person, great. I figure we can just all cc each other. I don’t think it would work if it’s more than a few though.
If you’re a middle aged middle class working person like myself […]
I really don’t know what to feel about myself at the moment. I’m not sure how to word this, but I just go ahead anyway. I’ve recently been watching Onision videos since he popped out on my Recommended List.
I checked out his videos on cutting on a whim, and frankly speaking, he’s super blunt. I’m not going to lie, the way he says it all, about how cutting is ‘attention whoring’, and that cutters are ‘stupid, and crazy’ kinda hit me hard. He says that I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head and a good education and all the opportunities […]
Sometimes I always go into deep thought about my life. Sometimes I feel like i have good days. But then at night i just think. Like, why should i live if i know people dont want me around? Why should i have to live, constantly feeling like people hate me for no reason? Why should I live, knowing there’s no reason to? My mom doesn’t know that i feel this way. But if i try telling her she’ll say im stupid . My guess is that she just doesn’t want to believe that i could feel this way.
My mom is a nurse and she […]
Please can someone let me know (even privately) of the reputable suppliers of ******** given in PPH? I have very little money, have been in chronic pain, and feel it’s time to go. Please someone out there give me the advice I need. I don’t have the time or money for Dignitas.
Blessings,
Gill x
Didn’t get what i needed
But i talked to someone and it calmed me down
Im still here- scared as hell.. feel like shit
But I want you to know that your comments (on my last post) today – i read them and they matter to me. Thank you
When you feel so alone and cut off its hard to see anything but the darkness..its around me and in me – its trying to win and i’m trying to fight.. i want to give up so badly but something keeps me here… Right now, i keep running to my room for solace- i have panic attacks and the feeling of overwhelming dread […]
They make me feel better émotions-wise but it’s fake, it’s all fake feelings made by some white fucking pill; escitalopram. It doesn’t stopy my suicidal thoughts either, they’re not based on emotion. I don’t want them gone though, they comfort me in times of need. I want to explode. I will explode. I’m fucked.
But I simply don’t have the guts to say it to your faces.
To my best friend,
I had a crush on you for the past three years, and never told you, mainly because I thought it would ruin our friendship. Although you didn’t know it, you made things quite difficult for me over those three years, because I felt like I was wrong for liking you. But I’m over it now, and I’m a lot happier for it. But you also make me feel like shit about myself, with your ‘oh look, I ran really far today!’ and your ‘look at me, I can eat […]
I wish I could sleep forever, feel nothing but rested.
Idleness brings my sorrow, analysing and analysing.
Ever alone in this cage, some days I am on the outside.
A waste of time in the space of a breath.
How could I be such a fool?
I wish I could sleep forever, rather than take my life.
Dream deeply of cryptic patterns and events, even I cannot grasp or understand.
But still, in time, I would wake.
And this twisted feeling would begin again.
There would be much undone, by not being here.
This ultimately is what stays my hand.
To make others feel as I do would […]
Hi im an introvert and i dont like people. im blunt and not very compassionate especially towards myself. I dont like myself and I dont know why. Ive cut before and have hurt others who dont understand what it is like to be me. I do care but i act like i dont. I feel alone even though i know i have people who love me. I dont know if others feel this way. Theres a lot of things that have hapend throughout my life people dont seem to understand. They think its a phase or just a way of acting out. Im talking to […]
Ok – so
I started at a new therapist yesterday
She talked to me for an hour and a half. We literally scratched the surface – I told her when I started to feel anxiety in my life and told her a LITTLE about my 3 life destroying relationships
She says to me – “You have suffered a very high degree of trauma in your life”… ALREADY – she knows this from the tiny tip of the gigantic, ship fucking sinking iceberg that is my life… I haven’t even told her about all through school and the suicide attempt(S) and she says “I have August off”… […]
I am fourteen years old. My father abondoned me as a child. I think of that a lot. why wasnt i enough for him. Why did he have to leave me? Also when i was a child i was raped. My family doesnt know and only one of my friends does. I deal with constant flashbacks. I see and hear things that arent there. i hear voices telling me to do things i dont want to do, to hurt others and myself. i see scary things and stupid things from monsters to birds. I am secretly gay and live in a catholic family in the […]
I am so used to of being sad, depressed, etc that it has become my comfort zone. Perhaps it wasn’t that bad back then, you know, sometimes i still be able to feel happy, shut my emotions off but when i turn it on again, BOOM, all the negativity come flooding back it overwhelms me. Then, things got worse. I stopped trying to feel happy. I let myself being sad all the time. Now, that everything is starting to work out for me, I feel guilty. I feel guilty, for I know there are a lot of people out there not feeling the same.
I haven’t been on sp for a few weeks now. Not because I didn’t feel like I needed to; I did. I just couldn’t find the words I needed to let out. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it.
Admittedly, I did have a setback a few days ago… I tried to kill myself. I’d say I got to the point where one more push would have sent me over the edge, literally, but I didn’t do it. Just at that moment – by whatever sort of force of coincidence it was – I received a text from my grandma of all […]
I don’t use this shit really but in the past week or so shits been really fucked and I just want to write this all down somewhere because it’s all bottled up in my head. For the past two years nothing anybody says or does to me affects me. Whether it’s good or bad I’m indifferent. I’ve heard it all. If someone told me I should kill myself it wouldn’t affect me because I’ll be doing just that soon enough, and there’s nothing that could change my mind about killing myself. Nothing anyone can do or say that will make me suddenly think living is […]
It’s okay to feel sad.
It’s okay to feel unwanted and lonely.
It’s okay to feel tired.
Afterall, pain is only temporary, right? And so is everything. Nothing lasts forever. Things only last long enough.
<3 y'all
My relationship is being bludgeoned over and over by my inaction in slow motion.
written by Trapped in My Head
It feels like ages ago that I met my boyfriend, only it’s only been a matter of weeks. That time, I was still paying for my own rent with my part time job, and going for a language class.
I was contented with my life that time, because I lived in the same city as my younger sister, who was attending university there. I was new to the city myself, so I had no friends except those I saw in class. It was hard to talk to them more than just “schoolmates” so it was bland for my tastes. I decided to get some folks to […]