I dont know what to say sooo… hi?

Hi im an introvert and i dont like people. im blunt and not very compassionate especially towards myself. I dont like myself and I dont know why. Ive cut before and have hurt others who dont understand what it is like to be me. I do care but i act like i dont. I feel alone even though i know i have people who love me. I dont know if others feel this way. Theres a lot of things that have hapend throughout my life people dont seem to understand. They think its a phase or just a way of acting out. Im talking to a professional and its worked out okay so far but due to current surcomstances in life im getting bad again. Ive been very good at hiding it now. Im pushing everyone away and i feel abandoned. anybody who would see me anywhere wouldnt think that any of these feelings are happening with me. I wish i could disappear alone. I know its all controversal but that i guess is my real problem.